Sunday Blues....

Hello everyone, Does anyone despise Sundays as much as I do right now?I always know on Sunday that I have a very long week of pain ahead of me and I sit and count the hours as they go by.I feel so bad for my partner as I know on Sundays she has to do so much for me to get me ready for the week.I think about this alot when we committed to each other I never dreamed about her ending up having to be essentially my caretaker.Iam calling the doctor Monday for my first appointment with the PCP to get this thing started,I hope everything goes smoothly for once,the doctor really freaks me out I have had such bad experiences so far,I normally leave the doctors office feeling totally disgusted with myself like Iam a monster or something,I dread having to sit there and watch them examine me and see the disgust in the doctors face like they dont even want to touch me.Sometimes I wish I could just put on blinders and earplugs till I was through all of the testing phase of this so it wouldnt hurt so much.Anyways thanks for listening and let me vent. Teresa

Hey Teresa, I understand the dread you feel about doctors. Just keep shopping until you find the right PCP, though. I dumped my old PCP because she never stopped comparing me to herself (although she was 30 years older than me!). One thing I can tell you from my approval process is that my surgeon's office referred me to professionals who were used to dealing with people in my situation and of my size. Because they knew this, my appointments were more tolerable. And their attitudes toward me were fantastic. I got comfortable chairs, the right size gowns and respect. So if you have the chance, do try to go to the professionals your surgeon, not your PCP recommends. Good luck! And this week is just another step closer to your goal. Hang in there! Jen

Thanks so much Jen,I appreciate your thoughts and words of encouragement.Iam going for the first appointment with the PCP on Feb 6th so keep your fingers crossed that all goes well Teresa

Hi Teresa, I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I too am struggling with being almost totally dependant upon my partner. She is wonderful and I love her dearly, so it just kills me that she has to basically take care of me. I can no longer walk or stand for long, so everything we do has to tailored around my needs. She never comes first, and that is not at all how I thought it would be when we got together. I know she loves me, but I also feel awful being such a big burden for her. She does damn near everything for me and for our little boy. I am so ready to be independent again and the kind of partner I know I can be for her. She would never agree, but I know that I owe this beautiful human being an awful lot for all that she does for me. I too would rather eat nails than go to the doctor. It seems that every time I go, there is more bad news. It gets a little scary at times. My doc is very nice and very open to helping in any way she can, but I still dread other doctors and the idea that there is always some scary thing wrong with me that I need to know about. It really sucks because five years ago, I was an overweight but vibrant person. Today, I am really on shaky ground with my health. I guess my unhealth would be a better word for it. I hope this all works out grandly for you and for me too. Everyone deserves a chance to have a good life, and I am hoping that WLS can gives us all that chance. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you begin this journey. Take gentle care.- Shelley C

Thanks so much Shelley.I totally understand alot of the things you have been through and are still going through as I read your profile.I too find it amazing that there are so many folks out here in this world that can relate to alot of the things that I have went through in my life already.it has taught me also that it doesnt hurt so much to talk to people about my feelings,I have always been a very private person and was taught to keep things to myself but since I started posting here the understanding and love that I have recieved from the people from this board have brought upon my life such a calming affect .Its truly amazing and I thank god daily for each and every one of you. I pray that I continue to have each and everyone of you to help me through this and I pray to god I live to see the losing side. Thanks so much, Teresa

Hi Teresa, Reading your email made me feel I had written it my self. With the exception that I have a wonderful Dr. *****spects me and treats me like a human being. She is also very gay/lesbian friendly and totally supportive of me and my partner. It's so funny because she is this tiny, little woman no bigger than a flea. I do, however, relate to the part about being so dependent on your partner. One of the things that makes me the most sad is how dependent I have become on Karen. I never intended for her to become my caretaker and that is what has happened. There are so many things we want to do but can't because I am unable. I have a hard time just standing for a few min. and can't walk too far at all without getting out of breath and being in massive pain. I have always been a very independent woman and these last two years have been hell. Thank God I am scheduled to begin my new life this Tuesday. Please hang in there. Once you get approved, there will be hope and you will see that there is a future for you full of independence and fun. Big Hugs, Rosa

Rosa, Iam sooooooo excited for you,I can only dream and imagine all of the things that you must be feeling right now.I understand the pain as I deal with it daily.My partner and I have been together for almost 6 yrs now and when we met she was much larger than Iam now and I went through the whole approval process with her.I think about it now as she is 2 yrs out from her surgery and she is doing so much better does she ever feel like its a ugly burden for her to have to take care of me now.Dont get me wrong she assures me that she doesnt feel that way and I know she loves me but I think its the old guilt factor that takes a good hold of me sometimes that hurts me the worst.I love her so much and I never wanted to be the way I am now and I hate to see her not being able to do the things she wants to do. This hurts the most.I try so hard to push myself sometimes to try to go out and do things with her and I normally end up suffering dearly for it for several days afterwards,but again I feel like shes stays at home with me because I cant do much.What do you do in a situation like that I have tryed to encourage her to make friends and go ahead and do things without me but she refuses ?You are blessed to have such a wonderful doctor.I pray that I find the same type of compassionate doctor that you have. I will be thinking about you and praying for you and your partner as you make your way through surgery and look forward to talking to you when you get back home. Thanks, Teresa