OT: The last 12 days

Hi gang I've just got back from Perth. My dad was meant to come to us for Christmas in Melbourne but had a small brain bleed about 7 weeks ago. The week before Christmas he had a massive brain bleed and we decided to turn off life support but keep him comfortable. I was told he only had 24-48 hours to live but he lasted four days. My beloved Judy stayed with me each of the four nights we sat vigil. My brother and sister and I were holding Dad when he died. Judy was there too. It's such an enormous moment when your father simply stops breathing and I am grateful beyond reckoning with Judy for hanging in there with me through the sleep deprivation, the sorrow and the relief. It's ok - he was 85, we had time to talk, he wasn't in pain, and I got to tell him how much I love him. My dad was the most exceptional man - you can't say that my dad turned me off men - he was simply the most gentle, honest and honourable person I have ever known. The funeral was hard - it's the first time I've seen my ex partner for nearly 18 months - she won't talk to me. But she loved my Dad and he was very fond of her. I read the eulogy at his service - despite my sister saying that I shouldn't because I would break down - which I did not. My sister gave me a cardboard box with the things that I had writen - poems, letters etc that Dad had kept. He even kept my baby teeth and a lock of my hair from my first hair cut. He kept a scrap of the silk stocking that my mother tore when she had to scramble through a window because she was coming back to college after curfew on their first date. He is holding that scrap of stocking in his right hand now. We found their love letters - gloriously young, hopeful, and vulnerable. So - assuming you have a good dad or a "good enough" dad - tell him you love him - ok! Charlotte

Hi Charlotte, I am so very sorry to hear about your dad. I too am blessed with a wonderful father. I don't know what I would do without him and my mother (who is also wonderful). We are so blessed. In my line of work (psychotherapist), I see so many people who had awful parents, and it always makes me so thankful and humbled. I know you will miss your dad so very much. Don't be afraid to get some grief counseling if you need it. I just want you to know that I will pray for you and your family. Big Hug, Rosa

Charlotte, What a wonderful tribute to your father. I'm glad he is at peace and I wish you much peace and comfort at this time. I'm going to call my dad right now. He too is a wonderful man and so is my mom. Chip