new, frustrated, 16 days...

hey everyone. just wanted to introduce myself. i'm liz. 24, going to be 25 in 3 days. my surgery is on the 23rd of this month. currently 5' 11'' (that won't change! lol) and about 370lbs. my girlfriend, jeanettem, was a twig when i met her. reminds me a lot of shane on the l word, but shorter. she's 5' 1'' and about 130lbs. now. so we're quite a pair to stare at when we venture out (which is rarely). i'm frustrated because... well, a million things. jeanette is an addict (weed, some pills). it's never going to change. she has issues about her past, and no therapy has helped. her dad is a major alcoholic, and he is a wife beater. she's seen it all... and now i'm coping with it. she never wants to be intimate. she says she doesn't know what turns her on. i'm always getting rejected, and recently we both realized we lost "it". we've been together for more than 2 years. i'm trying everything to make it work, but she's not trying at all. i can't help but get mad, upset, etc. is there anything else i could try to help us get "it" back? i'm hoping we make it through the surgery and the recovery and our bond ends up being stronger, but, it might not happen. *sigh* me talking about the surgery is overwhelming her as well. so i feel i have no where to turn, but here. i guess i just need a little support and encouragement.

Here is a good place for support. Not only for the WLS, but for the infamous LBD (lesbian bed death) We older gals will admit that the old joke about the quarters is true for most of us. If you put a quarter in a jar for everytime you make love the first year of the relationship ... then take a quarter out for everytime you make love after that ....the jar will still buy you a nice dinner when the relationship is over!! I know your feelings ... I was 48 before I figured out that I was gay. So, my sex drive is high ...(lots of lost time to make up for) ... but my partner is a recovering catholic and after the first year (we've been together 11 years now) she virtually shut down. We haven't had sex in over 9 years. But other parts of the relationship are powerful, and so is my vibrator Jody

Jody, I can relate to where you are coming from. I have been with my partner for almost six years. Its been three since sex, but hey what other safe sex than with yourself. Sex should not be the only thing to hold a relationship together. Melissa

Elizabeth, First, congrats on your surgery date. Second, Honey I know where you are coming from. My partner is about 5'4 she has never weighed over 100 pounds her entire life. I on the other hand am 5'11 and at the time we meet, was about 350lbs. She did not care and loved me for who I was. Lisa is 40 and I am 28. Lisa (my partner) has also had a very troubled life. Her parents were both alcoholics. Her mom used her as a beating toy when she would drink. Lisa was kicked out of the house when she was 16 left to fin for herself. She too became an alcoholic, but I guess that many years before she and I met she got that part of her life under control. We also have issues with intimacy, as a matter of fact, its been three years since she and I have been together in that kind of way. At first I thought she was cheating on me. I mean how can you lay next to someone every night and not want to closeness with them. And when I say lay next, I mean that is all there is. She gets in bed on her side and I stay on my side. I have talked to many of her ex-gf's all say that is the way Lisa was when she was with them. However, they decided to go outside the relationship for what they needed. I have mad a conscience decision not to do the same. I had my surgery done on December 27th, Lisa was there for me to hold my hand through it all. When we came home it was the same thing. She doesn't leave my side very much. My advise to you is weigh your relationship on the serious tip. Lisa and I have problems and our relationship has been by no means a bed of roses. I love her more than anyone else I have ever been with, so for me staying with her despite not getting what I need sexualy is OK. But, in your case I think you should really weigh the relationship. Sex is not everything, but if she is not meeting your needs emotionally then maybe you should really reconsider. The surgery you are about to have is very serious. You will go through mountains of emotions, and you are going to need someone there with you to help you go through them. I could go on and on about this topic, but its only my opinion. If you would like to talk, or have a shoulder to lean on, cry on please feel free to email me at any time. [email protected] I really do hope things work out for you, and that things work out the way they should with you and your partner. Melissa