Serious Question

Hey everyone, I am only two days away from my big day. I am however concerned about something major. My partner and I have been together for almost six years. But, I live in VA, and in VA same sex marriages, unions are not recognised. I have typed up this letter stating that I give my permission for the surgeon, his associate, and nursing staff to discuss things with my partner. She knows everything about me, and even though she is not listed as someone to make decisions about what should happen with me, I feel she has the right to know what is going on. If we were a man and women couple we could get married, and would not have to worry about this. Is there anything else I can do to ensure that she is informed of what is going on. My two brothers are listed as people to make decisions, but one is going to be at work, and the other one is going to be about 30 mins away. Just want to make sure I have my bases covered.

I had my surgery at Inova Fair Oaks hospital in Virginia...and they were great about this issue. When I put Diane down as the person I wanted for emotional support and do be involved they asked my what our relationship was...I said "we're in Virginia so I can't answer that". The intake worker said, with a smile, so I should put down domestic partner? Then she said " we don't care what the law says ... we care what our patient wants". But I have one question for you.....why isn't your partner listed as the person to make decisions for you? I didn't have Diane making decisions because she becomes a basket case with things like that ...so I had my pastor as the decision maker, but Diane to be included on all information. My point it ... the decision maker does not have to be blood family....they can be "family of choice". Jody

Jody, Thanks for the response. Now I know how to answer that. Melissa

Hi Jody, I was wondering although you're in VA and I am in Bakersfield, CA, what kind of church do you attend that has a pastor so willing to assist a lesbian woman in her time of need? My partner and I would love to find a church that would accept us and our two children but we don't know where to look, we are so afraid of discrimination and what they might tell our children. Misty

Dunno if this will help. Here in Australia we have a thing called an enduring power of attorney (medical) which enables you to give a nominated person the legal authority to make medical decisions for you. I get the forms from the internet via the public guardian's web site - that's the government agency responsible for taking care of people who can't make decisions for themselves. Maybe there's something similar in your state? If nothing else, a written statement indicating what you want should be good enough for most medical people. Good luck. Charlotte

Well Melissa it is a little late for me to chime in but as others have mentioned you can do a power of attorney for medical decisions. I prepared one from an online program along with a will so Heath would have an easier time of it just incase. I see today is your big day. I'm sending prayers your way. Chip