Uncomfortable questions

I was just wondering if anyone signed a Living Will and/or Durable Power of Attorney prior to surgery. Also, do you think it is necessary to write down a will of sorts? For example, if anything happens to me, I want to be sure Karen gets the house and car, and distributes my belongings as she sees fit to my family and friends. She knows how I would like some things distributed. I have tried to discuss this with her, but she gets upset. She doesn't even want to think that something will happen to me. I don't either, but I am trying to be realistic and pro-active. Are there any web sites anyone knows of that can help in this process? Oh, and should I have the documents noterized? And to whom should I give copies of the documents? I guess my anxiety is up tonight. I trust you guys, and would really value any suggestions you may have. Thanks! Rosa

Rosa, I did do a living will witha durable power of attorney, and I filled out the advanced health care initiative at the hospital. I had two witnesses that would not benifit from the will witness, but also had the documents notorized. My sister would get the bulk of my estate (what there is of it, wich is a bunch of unfiled bills and a load of Christmas decorations) but she was uncomfortable dealing with it, but it did need to be discussed. So, there. I feel it is better to be prepared, especially with same sex partners who stand to lose not only a mate but every thing they both worked their lives for. Maureen

Hi Rosa, I know the hospital I go into usually, Paoli Memorial will not admit (or so they say) scheduled hospital stays unless you have a living will. Of course it's just a question, they don't ask to see it. I did mine with software I got online. I believe "Quicken" has a good one. It also allows you to make a regular will and power of attorney. I like it cause it cost less than a attorney and I can control the whole process and change it when ever I please without further charge. The software goes state by state so it adhears to that state's laws. I've also had the talk with my family which I think is the most important part. I have no partner so that isn't an issue for me but I know with some friends that have lost their partners to AIDS, when they have had a good relationship with both sides they wasn't a problem. In one case a friend that died had a school life policy that got payed to his brother and the brother turned around and made sure the guys partner got the money. This is most likely the exception to the rule. But it is a good thought on your part to make sure these things are sorted out. God bless and have a good holiday. Huggers, Derrick

Rosa, I did both. I wanted to make sure Heath got everything and could make all medical decision without any problems. We live in PA and as you know our Vermont Civil Union is only recognized in Vermont and Mass. Most definatly it is important to have those documents in place not just at a time of surgery. You just never know. Chip

I had all of those things, I did them myself after a little research from work (I work for the county). I never needed them thought - YAY!! But it never hurts to be prepared for the future anyway. Now they are done and locked in the fire box and the important people know where they are just in case anything happens and I if I need to change them I can do so in the future. Jeremy

Rosa, I did as Maureen did but in addition I chose a person that I was close to but wasn't close to my other friends to be the person who has executive living will/medical power of attorney. That way my wishes are carried out and no one could go on arguing with the person who had to make the decision. No matter what you decide it is important to have these things all in order, just in case. I also sat everyone down and let them know who made what decision, who got what, etc... So everyone knew what I wanted. Cam

I suggest that, in addition to a living will and a durable power of attorney, you also asign a medical power of attorney and make that person your partner. A durable power of attorney has no say in your medical affairs. It's strictly related to your estate. A living will is only to execute your treatment wishes in cae you can't. But a medical power of attorney lets your designee make medical decisions not dictated by your living will should you become incapacitated. That person also is then allowed complete access to your medical records and person at all times. This is especially necessary if you think your hospital may not allow your partner to be by your side were you to be admitted to ICU, etc. In addition, as you write out your medical power of attorney, also stipulate any particular things that are important to you. In mine, I stated that my partner was allowed to provide me companionship at all times and was able to determine who had access to my person. Contact your local GLBT organization for a referral to a legal person to ask questions. You can do all this paperwork without a lawyer and without an expense. You simply need to have both durable and medical power of attorney notarized. Finally, also file a set of papers with your surgeons and your PCPs office. Jen

Thanks so much everyone. I have read all your responses and will do as recommended. These answers really put me at ease. It seems I have some work to do! Think I'll wait till after Christmas but would like to have everything in order by the New Year. You chicas and chicos are the greatest!!! Thanks again. Rosa