Pissed Off

Hey everyone I hope your Sunday morning is going well, but mine on the other hand is not. First, I am not saying what I did was right. Just to get that out before I continue. I woke up early this morning, and I didn't want to wake up Lisa (who I thought was my g/f), so I went into the living room to get onto her computer. I moved the mouse and she had her messenger still up. So, I figured I will just be a little nosey. So, I went into her message archives, there was a message string with her and her bestfriend. I started to read it and then I find this. Kim(her friend) how are things going with you. Lisa ok, same **** go to work, come home and deal with Kasia (my eight year old daughter). Kim (well I dont know why you put up with it, I would tell her mom to hire a baysitter. Lisa yeah right I cant afford a babysitter. Boy then did I get pissed off. First of all who the hell is Kim to say anything about taking care of a child when she didnt even care for her two chldren. Her daughter was with her father until she was about 13 years old. So by the time she got her back she was basicilly grown. Then her son, her parents took custody of him right after he was born. So, needless to say I am very pissed off. Lisa and I have been together for almost six years. I have recently taken a job that requires me to work different hours than in the past. So, now Lisa picks my daughter up from daycare, brings her home. Most of the time I have already cooked them something to eat for the night. SO, all she has to do is warm it up. Then she has to make sure my daughter does her homework and gets a bath. How freaking hard is that. Not to mention that I have to come home and clean up all the mess that she (Lisa ) has made because she will not clean up her own mess. I am so pissed off and hurt at the same time. SO, when my daughter leaves to go to church this morning all hell is going to break loose in my house. I have found that my daughter really streses when our voices get raised. So, I have choosen to wait. I dont know if I am so much mad or pissed off, I just know a lot of things are going to be cleared up this morning. And no matter what the out come is, I dont want my daughter at home with someone who dosent want her around. Melissa

Melissa, I am sure by now tempers are skyrocketing and you all are having it out. And I totally can see why what your g/f said to her best friend was hurtful. But try to keep perspective. Remember that everyone needs someone to vent to, in fact everyone deserves that. You just as much as your g/f. Also reread your post to us. You shared some things about Kim that were somewhat private. So hopefully you can see how it is easy to tell someone that is "in your corner" how you feel about stuff. Again, I am not saying it is right, I am just saying try to be the level headed one. Remember that communication is important. She is your partner, not some roommate that is watching your kid as a favor. And likewise even if someone "should" do something that doesn't mean we shouldn't appreciate them as often as we can for it. Just my two cents as I have been in your shoes, flew off the handle, and lived to regret it. Best of luck

Cam, Hey hone how are you feeling? I did re-read my post and I am still pissed off. My whole thing about Kim is that she is so quick to put her two cents in where it really doesnt belong. (Oh yeah I did also fail to mention that she is also Lisa's ex- of eight years) Yes, everyone needs someone to vent to. I also understand that taking care of a child that does not belong to you can be very stressful. I have suggested several times that WE get a sitter. She tells me no. I did fly off the handle and she said to me that I always want to make things out to be me. Well, then I told her what am I suppose to think when you (Lisa) will not talk to me. I know that she is going through some things right now. Her mom is not well, she has been sick for a while. She thinks that she is going through what her mother had, which ended up being cancer. I have tried to get her to open up and talk to me about it, but she wont. I even said that to her today. In all the rage, she begain to cry and so did I. I personaly do not think anything was resolved, but things have calmed down for now. She (Lisa) is sleeping. I must also say that my daughter is hyper active, (on meidcation for it) she can also be a little defiant (sp). But, at the same time she is eight years old (my daughter) loves Lisa very much. So, I know that there are times when she can be a hand full, but again I cannot fix the problem when I don't know the problem exsits. Thanks Cam, Melissa

Hi Melissa, Im so sorry,I too have a daughter and as the true biological mom i think were closer to our kids.I would be upset as well but I think everyone gets frustrated or upset at times with our kids,and maybe at the time lisa was! 6 years is a long time Im sure she loves you both or she wouldnt be there ! I dont think what she said was right ! but ive been wiht my g/f for 8 years almost 9 and my daughter will be 10 and my daughter gives my g/f a very hard time till this day its frustrating for me ! my daughter knows she can get away with more with my g/f,but its because my g/f isnt firm like i am with her. so just talk about it and im sure itll all work out good luck!!! Take care jeanette

Jeanette, Its really funny (in an odd way) that you mentioned how your daughter was towards your g/f. My daughter use to be the same way, but now things have changed somewhat. I am the one that is a little on the easy side with my daughter while Lisa on the other hand is not. Sometimes my daughter thinks she is being mean. I have talked to Lisa about it and she told me that if something were to ever happen to me, she just wants to know that Kasia (my daughter) can take care of herself. I truly deep inside think that Lisa loves me and my daughter, however, she just has really wierd ways of showing us. I guess after six years I should be use to it, but I am not. Thanks so much for your response. Melissa

I am really sorry that you are going through with this, I REALLY THINK , YOU GUY NEED TO TALK. I just think that she should come and talk to you about what problem that she is having instead of her friend. I know curosity kills the cat, but It would have been hard for me not to read it too. but I really hope that you guy can get past this. I too have kids my partner have no kids but we have been raising my kids for the last nine years. And I know that it is hard for her sometimes but that where comminication comes in . I really hope everything works out for you.

Sherry, Communication is the one thing we really dont have. We work different hours and when I get home she (g/f) and my daughter are already in the bed. I see her for maybe an hour in the morning depending on when I wake her up. Then I see her for maybe an hour or so at work (we work at the same place) The only days we have off the same are Friday and Saturday. On Friday, I clean the house do laundry, cook and run errands. Then when everyone else gets home, my daughter almost always has something she has to do (she is into everything). On Saturdays, I like to let her sleep in and I spend as much time with my daughter as I can. I know we need to talk more, but she (g/f) does not like to talk about what is bothering her. And when I try to force her to talk we always end up in a yelling match. So, things just kinda ride until one of us has had enough (me mainly) and this happens. I love her more than anything, but I just dont know what more to do. Like I said earlier she is going through alot, with her mom being very ill, she herself has been sick. Now, I am having surgery (which today she said did not bother her at all) I think she has a lot on her, but who better than the person you love to talk about things with. I truly do not like her friend (ex-g/f) of eight years. Its like when she calls I instantly get upset. And for her to talk about what is going on with her really pissed me off. Kim doesnt have any room to talk about children and caring for them. But as Cam said earlier today I need not say things about her. So, I am going to go, but will keep everyone posted on how things are going. Thanks for the support, Melissa

Melissa, I'm just reading this for the first time Monday morning. I hope all worked out for you and Lisa yesterday. It is not an easy situation. I know when Heath is mad at me he at times vents to his mother which can **** me off but I do have to say she usually listens and doesn't judge. I also on occassion vent to my ex (who is a friend to both of us now) or to my co-workers which I know Heath doesn't always appreciate. We ALWAYS come back together when we have a clearer perspective and talk it out and that seems to work for us. I hope you guys can or have come to an understanding and cleared this up. Chip

Hi Melissa, Sounds like you got some good responses! April has a 10 (soon to be 11) year old daughter, Samantha. We've been together since Samantha was 5. It was really hard for me at first. I wasn't used to be around a kid 24/7. I love Samantha as my own child, but there is a bond between her and April and I cant compete. I've accepted it and I know she loves me as well. Sometimes it can be so hard because Samantha will be a kid and not want to listen to me or she thinks I am being mean. She was really, really spoiled before I came along. Talk it out, you guys can get through this! Jaimee

Hi Melissa I'm sorry to hear that you've had such a testing experience. All I can say is, get thee to a counsellor asap. It's hard to talk about these things when feelings are running high and it's good to have a skilled third party to help you both deal with the issues before they become unresolvable. I hope things go ok for you. Charlotte