I FELL SO SELFISH

I know this is going to sound terribly selfish but today was my partners RNY. She is doing great as far as getting up, sitting and even walking around 3 times. The problem I am having is my feelings are a little hurt because she won't let me help her back to bed or fix all her tubing when it gets tangled up. She wants the nurse to do it. She scared to death when I lean over to kiss her or rub her hair that I will hurt her. When I helped her walk and pushed her I.V. she would snap at me if she thought I wasn't walking fast enough or slow enough. I am very supportive of her and know that it's just the first day and I feel guilty for feeling this way. Maybe it's just emotions on both sides because of the wait for this and plus my nerves are shot because in her support I went on the liquid diet for 2 weeks with her (boy, I take my hat off to you guys for doing that one). Anybody else have any problems like this??? Cyndi~Lyn's partner

Hi Cyndi, I don't know how much help I can be to you since I haven't had my surgery yet, but I just want to encourage you to hang in there. It must be difficult for both of you. Lyn is blessed to have such a supportive, caring partner, and I am sure she realizes this, although it may not be apparent to you right now. Try to be patient with her and let her know how you are feeling. I will keep you both in my prayers. Rosa

Rosa, thank you so much for your kind words. I will for sure hang in there. We have been together 10 years and I plan on a heck of a lot more!

Hi Cyndi, I remember on my first day, I wanted no one near me. Even MY partner of 11 years. She was adament that she wanted to spend the night in the hospital with me and I really didn't want her to. I just wanted to be alone. But she stayed and it was fine. I also remember being really sensative about my abdomen and about the drain that I had hanging from me. I was afraid, too, that my IV's would come loose and hurt. I think Lyn's response is pretty normal. Just show up tomorrow with a big smile for her. Bat your eyelashes and ask her if you can give her a kiss. Chances are she'll be elated to see you and in a much better mood. Good luck to BOTH of you! Jen

Jen, I will do just that! Thank you for telling me about yourself it really does help. I am probably just exhausted emotionally and physically from today and the last 2 weeks. (she's the one with the pretty long eye lashes though) LOL

Hey Cyndi, I am pre-op so I may not be of muvh help but if your partner was on much pain meds that could alter her mood and alot of people say they want no on near them the first day or two. I love my husband dearly but when I have a migraine I don't want him anywhere near me I just want to be left alone but as soon as I am feeling better he is the one I want beside me. I bet in the morning Lyn will be the same way so do what the post said below and go in ther batting eyelashes and giving out kisses! How could she resist! Lorie

You guys are so great! I feel so much better and my brain is going a mile a minute thinking about all the things I am going to say and do (without touching her) to make her feel great! That good 'ol saying popped in my head with all this great advice, "You can catch more bee's with honey then you can with vinegar". I'll keep you guys posted! Oh, and yes I know about the head ache thing, I have a bad neck and when it acts up I don't want to talk, touch, or even see anyone. I should have thought about that today. Thanks guys

Hi Cyndi, I had a similar siduation with my father when he was in the hospital and I'm a nurse. He was so nasty and that just isn't my Dad. He is a sweet kind, thoughtful person but when in the hospital he was like a cornered beast. We, Mom and I, just did what we could to help then backed off. They get over it eventually and become themselves again. Derrick

Hi Derrick, How nice to have a nurse in the family, maybe not for you though... I think your right about backing off, I did that today and it seemed to help. Thank you for sharing. Cyndi

Hi Cyndi, I'm sorry that first day post-op was so rough. As a nurse, I've seen people be super friendly one day after surgery---and I've seen them be just grumpy and poopy all day. It's a mix of things, actually. Pain meds are mood altering, and if they're not working well, manners are the first thing to go out the window for most people! Also, this surgery is a monumental change for her, and she's got to be going through a host of emotions, post-op, that she simply wasn't ready for. You're being a wonderful support to her, and when things calm down, she'll come to realize that. (You did the liquid diet with her?? You ARE a saint!!!!) So hang in there, honey. Give her peripheral love: leave her alone for a little while, here and there--and go do something good for yourself like have some lunch, or go home and take a hot, long shower. If she wants the nurse to untangle the tubing, let the nurse do it, and you just relax and be present for her. You can go home and get the house all ready for her, with the appropriate post-op foods or liquids; a comfy place in the living room with lots of pillows and a cozy blanket for her when she comes home; a little welcome home gift can be waiting for her when she gets home in a few days.... We're here to support you, too, Cyndi!! Thank you for sharing with us. Jessica