has anyone...

ever felt that you'd like to meet that special someone before you lose the weight, bc they'd you be assured that they were the kind of person who'd love you regardless of your weight? i mean, not that i couldn't meet someone after i've lost it all, but, you'll never know if had you met that person heavy, they'd still be interested in you? does this make sense? hmmm

Hi Ellie, I completely know what you mean. I was blessed with finding my partner, Karen, almost 6 years ago. Since we met, I have gained at least 100 lbs. No matter, she still loves me and finds me attractive. I know I am so blessed. She doesn't want me skinny, just health. She supports my wanting to get WLS because she knows it is what I want and need in order to live a healthy life. The best thing is knowing she loves me and thinks I am beautiful even when I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I asked an ex of mine once if she would still love me if I gained 100 lbs., and she said she would love me "differently". I know she was trying to be kind, but it really broke my heart. After all, I would still the same person. Wouldn't I? Any way, I am glad my ex is my ex and that Karen is in my life now. I know what you mean and totally understand. But please don't let that stop you from loosing weight. I am so blessed, and I hope someday you will be too. Rosa

I always believed I can't "try" to find someone. I believe it will just happen when it does. Yes, it would be nice to know that the person loves you no matter what, but for me personally, I wouldn't go out of my way to find someone to love me before surgery. I like to live in the moment, and know that the person loves me now for who I am, and not wonder what could have been, should have been, etc. Does this make sense?

I guess I used to feel like that when I was younger, and I didn't know myself. I have many relationships in my life that I trust large or small....*****y or nice.....funny or somber.....If I trust them, I trust myself...so if I can trust myself at this weight, I can trust my self later when I am half this weight. Now is not the time to start a relationship, now is the time to focus good energy on yourself and become who you want to be. When your partner comes along, you will meet her. It's fate, karma or God's will...what ever you want to call it.

Let me restate what I was getting at--I'm not concerned with finding someone right now, and I realize there's no way to know the answer to my question of whether a person would still be interested while still heavy-- I am only curious if anyone had ever felt or thought this during the wls journey. I think it's normal and introspective to wonder about other peoples' perceptions of myself, and how they affect me, regardless of whether they "should" affect me. Thanks for your responses.

Don't worry about that now, focus on you and how happy you will be after having your surgery! If you just give it time, an angel will come swoop you off your feet like mine did! I knew my partner back in the 2nd grade and then we went to different schools and split up.......In high school we got back in contact and have been together ever since our senior year!!! We are going on 5 years and stronger than ever!!! I love my partner unconditionally no matter what the situation. I didn't want her to get the surgery at first because I was scared of complications, but eventually agreed and stood by her 100%............Luckily since I prayed over and over and god was watching, her surgery was a success........She had no complications which was a miracle!!!! If this surgery is what my partner needed to make her feel better about herself and be a happier person than I am all for it because she is my life!!! Just give it time and the right person will come to you and love you for who you are and not for your size!!!

I haven't been worried about meeting the right person because I have her. But I do thinkg about how people will treat me differently as I lose weight. Several years ago I did lose a bunch of weight--I went from 332 to about 240. And I noticed that more people talked to me. Especially guys. It was a bit unnerving because I kept thinking--I'm the same person, why wasn't I good enough before. And now that I'm losing the weight all over again, i'm starting to see the same thing. For example, I was just in Atlanta for a business trip. I noticed that more people made eye contact with me, talked to me in elevators, smiled back, than they did when I weighed 50 pounds more. Maybe it's becaue I'm smiling more, making eye contact more or talking more. I don't know. But I do see this subtle shift in relationships and personal space. On the airplane the person sittiung next to me didn't cringe when I asked if I could get to my seat. Some people would never notice, but I do. So, like you, I do wonder if people will be my friends asfter weight loss just because I'm more "normal" or is it because I'm more self-confident and more approachable. Jen/

thanks for your reply jen...i think that's just what i was getting at. there is no real way to know whether it's our own individual perspectives changing, or others...and really, what does it matter? after my last relationship, i think i've gained confidence in some areas of what i want out of relationship, and in some others, i am still struggling. when all was said and done, she wasn't sure she had "those" kind of feelings for me, or that she was "lesbian". this definitely affected me negatively, in that i felt i wasn't attractive enough, because she felt she could've just been my friend. i have to realize that she had her own personal issues that she was going through, and it doesn't mean i'm unattractive because of this. i am still afraid that the next person i meet will do the same, or the one after, and this might be irrational, but it's what i've felt. i am still working on my feelings of unattractiveness, and appreciate your thoughts on the matter. thanks!

Hi Jen, I believe it is because you have so much more confidence in yourself. We attract just the kind of people who will reinforce what we think of ourselves. As you lose and begin to stand taller and look people in the eye, they will see what Rose has already seen...a confident, beautiful woman both inside and out. Carol