when?

Well, it seems like all I do is complain and whine, and I don't mean too...but I am just so out of sorts. I have the outside persona of a person who has it all together. Losing weight...looking better...smiling...being happy. I am enjoying my family, striving to better myself...and constantly watching myself to be sure that I am doing what I need to do...but I am not happy. I don't regret the surgery, I don't regret the tool that I have been given to a new life...but I just don't feel like I am me anymore. I worry so much about what to or not to eat. Am I gonna lose or gain...do I exercise or not? I am am feeling so alone. I read your posts...you all look so good and are doing so well... and you all seem to have great support. I have my family..but I need that somebody special who understands what I am going through... Just seems like I need a big brother...if that makes sense... I am a strong, dedicated, and successful person...but I am feeling more like a failure then ever...

Hey Daniel, Would you settle for a big sister??? The surgery, the recovery, the life after surgery....it's all so much sometimes. You're working your butt off to be successful, but the world still goes on; our own expectations still haunt us. Trust me, the old Daniel, and the new Daniel are one in the same. Difference is, at this point, the new Daniel is healthier, lighter, and on his way to being physically well. All those crazy ideas that float around in our heads, we have to learn to tame them...and it's not always easy. It can certainly get overwhelming: watching food portions, watching the food itself, watching the scale, hoping for our clothing size to go down fast enough; trying to live up to the expectations that others have once they know you've had the surgery. It's a hell of a lot to live with on a daily basis. With such a monumental undertaking as WLS, the last thing in the world you want is to regain that weight, or not lose as much as you had in mind when you made the final decision to go ahead with the surgery. STOP THE MADNESS!!! One day at a time, little brother. Today, I will eat within my eating plan. Today, I will get whatever exercise I'm capable of at this point. I will live in the moment; I have no control over tomorrow----I can deal with today, and I will deal with today. Some days are peaks, other days are valleys. You're in the valley right now, but keep yelling up.... let the echos flow across this messageboard, and please allow us to give you the support you deserve. I'm sure you are competent, strong, dedicated, and living your life with determination and focus: you will succeed. Don't you go thinking that all of us have it together, and don't go through some peaks and valleys of our own. Some days absolutely suck; but tomorrow is coming, and it will get better. You're creating a new life for yourself. Trust the process, honey. It's long and arduous at times, but the journey is priceless, and the destination: keeps changing and will need forever love, dedication and attention to be the place you want to be. You are not alone. I'm not able to have the surgery: I'm a do-it-yourselfer... I go through those ups and downs, but I realize one thing: I have to keep looking forward, and trust the process. Sending you healing thoughts, Jessica

THANK YOU...THANK you....thank you.... You said something that so increidbly hit me hard and hit me at home. The expectations of everybody else. As a fat person living to please others... I am going through the issue of "how many pounds this week", "hey slim", etc.. I think it is the expectaion of others or the apathy of others that is getting to me...

Wow, who could follow-up on that? Jessica is so brilliant and insightful. Ditto what she says!! LOL Daniel, I wanted to respond to your post because I had a similar experience. The first month or two out of my surgery I was wierd in the head. I was losing, but I was very restless and agitated. I got better when I got on anti-depressants. The pressure of losing and maintaining continues. I appreciate your posts to know that we are all very similiar in a lot of aspects. Hopefully we keep posting and learning.

Daniel, I too just had surgery, about 2 weeks ago, I completely understand what you are feeling, enourmous pressure, changing bodies,... Jessica said a great mouthful, I hope you are feeling better, if you ever need to talk to someone, keep me in mind! I'll be thinkning of you! ~michelle~

Hey Daniel- I definitely cannot top what Jessica said...but it's all true. Those first two months are the absolute hardest. I stopped eating because I didn't want to fail. Thank god my GF was there to kick me in the butt and say you need to eat correctly or you will fail. The first few weeks, I always say, is like a death. You go through all five stages and then some. Not only is it the food that for the most part is gone, it's finding things to do with your time that doesn't include eating, cooking, etc. After my surgery, I didn't know what to do with myself because that is all I did. It's hard--very hard. But think of it this way...you had the strength to go through this surgery--you stepped up to the plate and took care of YOU. That in and of itself is absolutely amazing. One day at a time like Jessica said and you will get through this.... Take care...drop me a line if you would like! -Cheri

I don't really have much advice (Jessica did a great job), but I am just wishing things get better for you. You will find that person you talk about when you least expect it.