So much to think about

Ok so here we go. I am new to the sight, but not new to the idea of WLS. I did much researching last year only to chicken out before I started the whole getting started process. There are so many things going through my head. I guess I should start at the beginning. I am 25, 5'4" and 285. I have always been heavy and have always had a problem with the way I look. I have dieted since I was like 6 and have never been able to keep it off. Last year I quit smoking and gained an additional 25 lbs which really did not help my problems. I have been considering WLS for a while but I have so many doubts. Am I too young? I do not really have any medical problems "yet", but I am sure they will not be far behing if I dont do something soon. My whole family is heavy and I am sure they will not support my decision to get WLS. My sister mentioned it to my mom last year for herself and she just about flipped. My partner is behind me 100 percent, but I dont even know how to talk to my mom about it. I also think I should probably talk to my insurance company before I go any further or get into this much more, but I am not sure what questions to ask. Do I just ask if they cover WLS or do I have to ask about each of the individual things they might cover ie. hospital stay, surgeon, after care etc. I am going to call the weight loss center and see if I can ge an initial appointment at a time when me and my partner can both go. I am terrified about complications from the surgery. How likley is it that I would die from it? I am a constant worrier, so that does not help. I feel like this is my last option. I do not think that my family doctor will give me a referal, so I may need to get a different doc. The last time I tried to talk to him about weight loss, all he could talk about was Atkins. I was like, been there, done that, but he did not care. So anyway, here I am, a newbie to the site, asking for any insight ore encouragement. I have a million questions, but I am not able to think of any right now, so this will have to do. Please help.

Hello Sierra, Welcome to the GLBT OH site. I don't think you are too young for this surgery (email Lara on this site - she's young also and has been so successful.) If you are old enough to make a change in your life that is for the rest of your life, you are not too young. Just know that once you have the surgery it is for the rest of your life. It's a commitment to eat healthily and nutritiously most of the time for the rest of your life. It's a great opportunity to avoid a lot of the health problems that so many of us have had. It's not a magic bullet but a very useful tool that will help you to form new and healthier eating habits. I'm sorry that you don't feel that you will get support from your family but maybe your sister who has been considering it will be there for you. Maybe if you approach your mother openly and in an adult manner with your decision made and ask for her support if she is able to give it to you. I suggest that you tell her that your mind is made up but you love her and this is very major surgery and you want her to be there for you as you can use all the support you can get. Your partner will be by your side through your journey - and it is a journey as we do not wake up skinny in the recovery room as nice as that fantasy is. My partner has been as wonderful as can be. We're here for you - post on the list or even send me a personal email if there's anything I can do or questions I can answer. You are a lucky woman to be doing this so young and not suffer as many have through many more years of obesity and the damages that can do. In sisterhood, Ruth

Hi Sierra- Welcome to this board ! Most of the folks who post here wil be able to give you support and encouragement throughout your journey for WLS. I think your decision to have surgery to improve your physical and mental well being is absolutely admirable. Often others think a person is too young for WLS because they haven't failed enough on diets ! Of course they don't think of it in that way but it's apparent if you think about it. What will happen if you wait 10 more years to have surgery ? I would guess you could develop more co-morbidities and suffer 10 more years of esteem crushing societal disapproval and negativity. I'm glad you have the strong support of your partner ! Your sister may follow suit if she sees you forging ahead despite the resistance your mother gives. At 25 it's hard sometimes to go against a parent's strong objections and by the same token it's definately hard for parent's to understand that you are an adult who is capable of making life changing decisions for yourself. Just one of those developmental stages we all go through I suppose. I like Ruth's suggestion to talk to your mom as an adult whose decision has been made. Your mom may not like the idea but it is your life you're trying to improve. Good luck ! PS..have you considered both the RnY and the Duodenal Switch WLS. If not read up on both before deciding on a particular procedure. P566

Hi Sierra, Welcome to our board! From my personal experience, I believe that having a supportive primary care doctor is essential. This is the person that will see you fro nearly everything over the course of your life. Like you, my original PCP kept telling me to lose weight--and how--and told me that if she could do, so could I. Ha. So I asked around with friends until I found a new one that I really like and who was supportive about MY weightloss goals. Also, I didn't tell anyone in my family that I was even considering WLS until I felt nearly 90% certain I wanted to do it. I told my mom after I went to my first informational seminar. And told none of my sibs or co-workers until I had been through a good portion of the test and was 99% certain it would happen. I wish that when I started this process I had the book "Weightloss Surgery for Dummies". I bought it before surgery but after I had already decided to do it. It's still helpful now that I'm on the losing side. I'd really recommend it. And finally, I started going to WLS support groups BEFORE surgery. As soon as I had my initial surgeon consultation, I was invited to attend his clinic's group. And I joined a general one in my city. That was so helpful becuase I got to ask a lot of questions of people who had been through it. Plus I built a great support network that I could see face to face. (This site is awesome, too!!!!!!!!!!!) Good luck and please visit us often! Jen

Hi Sierra - Welcome to the board! This is definitely the best board on this sight. I am glad you found us! I agree with Jen that you do need to find a supportive primary care doc. That is absolute! And as far as being too young?? All I can say is that I wish I had done this surgery sooner/at your age! I am two months out and am very happy with my choice! No regrets! As for your mom - I am would guess that it is not the first thing that she would not agree with you on and probably won't be the last?? Good luck to you on this journey! Go to a free seminar and make sure you get all your questions answered (post them here, ask a doc, do research, etc) then make your decisions! And make sure it is YOUR decision! Take Care - Stacey

Hi Sierra FIRST check with your insurance company to see if it's a covered benefit. From there read all you can about it, yes there are risks, including death. I was so miserable that was a risk I and I'm supposing everyone else here who's had the surgery was willing to take. I agree with Jen, go to support groups, talk to people who've had the surgery - Go on your STATE board on Obesity Help and ask about Primary Care docs and Surgeons in your area. You may have to travel, but finding a good doc is WORTH IT. I had to travel three hours. I had my surgey in April and feel healthy and alive. Good Luck

Hey Sierra, I'm glad you found this board!! As others have stated, this messageboard is a wonderful place to meet WLS pre and post-ops, and many others who are willing and able to give you lots of support and encouragement. I agree with one of the other members---find out if your insurance covers WLS: FIRST! Find out if they want you to have 6 documented months of doctor-supervised dieting--that tends to slow a lot of people down. Also, having a supportive PCP is really important. If your doctor just throws another diet at you--it's time to head out and find another doctor! One thing your parents will need to figure out is that your are an adult. The decisions you make are YOUR decisions, and your parents don't have to be in agreement with every decision you make. Remember, if you ask permission,-- you give permission for them to tell you what to do. You don't need anyone to tell you what you can and can't--should and shouldn't or are allowed to or not allowed to do. Those days are DONE. If you don't live under your parents roof, and if you are self supporting, your decisions are yours to make. It's not as if you don't care what they think, but whatever you determine you will do, please remember that as an adult, you--not they-- are responsible for the decisions you make. You'll live with the consequences, rewards, and anything else that results from choices you make. While your parents care about you, ultimately, you are an adult now, capable of making your own decisions. At some point, both you and they will have to come to peace with that. Once you do, you'll no longer worry about their response to your decsions, or seek their approval when difficult decisions need to be made. Come back often and visit us!! Please let us know how things are going in your WLS journey. Take care, Jessica

I called my insurance company today and I will be 100 percent covered as long as I can show 6 months of a doc supervised diet. I also called around and found a support group that meets oct 10th. I am going to attend. Thanks for all of the advice