Freaking out!

Hi Everyone I just read on the 20's board that a young lady passed away due to WLS. I know the risk and the posibility of dying but this really freaks me out. I'm sitting her crying like a big a$$ baby and questioning myself that I'm doing the right thing. To see her beautiful babies on ther profile just breaks my heart. I have a daughter and I feel like I'm being selfish. Am I only thinking about me and not anybody else. Have I considered Stephanies (gf) feelings? What If I die and leave her behind? I just want a chance at a normal life and be healthy. I want to look in the mirror and smile back. Now I am so misrible and unhappy with myelf. Sorry for freaking out on your guys but this really puts fear in my heart where I thought faith was. kay

Hello Kay - I understand your fears and have to tell you that many of us have felt the same way. I was more afraid of dying from the many complications of obesity than of dying in surgery. I researched my surgeon and his record and did everything I could for a good result. And almost 17 months later I am more than ecstatic at the many things I can now do that I couldn't before surgery. Yes - there are a few that die from this surgery - and from any surgery. No guarantees. For me, it was worth the risk. We have to make up our individual minds. My quality of life has improved so much. I can't say "don't be afraid" as fear is very normal. I can't say "you'll be fine" as there are no guarantees. I just can tell you that I wish you all the good health that I have gained with the 137 pounds I have shed. Take care. Ruth

Kay I was just going to say the same things Ruth just said. I feared I would die doing the things I was doing. I loved going camping, but the fear of having to hike stopped me. I love to white water raft, but at my highest weight I feared that my heart wouldn't be able to handle it. I feared if I sat on the floor with my students that I couldn't get back up. I feared that if I showed my students how to run, I would die on the field. I knew 2 people who died on the table. I know peole who have died from diabetes from being over weight. I wanted to live. I wanted to live as a man that was healthy. I know that I will die some day, but I didn't want to die as big as I was. I thought about what it would be like for my family and friends to carry my coffin. I thought of what people thought of me as I walked by. I thought of all the children who look at me as a role model and I was just too big. I thought of my love for my partner. I knew he liked me big, and that I would risk losing him, but I knew with my diabetes that I would leave him sooner than I wanted to. Be afraid... and get ready for the change. If the doctor tells you to loose 10 % do it. If the doc says stop smoking do it. If the doc says take your vitamins and excerise do it. Be afraid...look into your surgeon. Ask questions. See if their are others that have had your surgeon and ask them questions. Be afraid...what will happen if you keep gaining weight? Do you want your loved ones to feed you? Clean you? Change your clothes? With all surgerys there are bad outcomes. We have the bad with the good. There are no guarantees as Ruth said, but I can tell you I look forward to the changes for me. I sleep better. I don't take any meds today. I feel GREAT. Look into your heart and talk to your loved ones. It is good that you fear. I was told at the physc. eval. that they wanted to know if I thought WLS was an easy way to commit suicide. I said no, why. He said that if there was no fear then he would be concerned about my motives. I can't say if this is the best thing for you. But, I can say that it has given me my life back. I would do it again in a fast "New York" minute. Best to you. Keep posting your fears. You are saying what many have thought. It helps us all. This reminds me of the comment that WLS is the easy way out.RIGHT Love to all, On the journey. David PS Ruth I am sorry I didn't back to you sooner. Janine told me about you when I was in PS. 137 lbs gone? WOW that is great. I hope we meet each other soon. D

Thanks David for your kind words. I see that its normal for me to feel like this. I opened her profile and looked at her babies and lost it. I took a nap, said a few prayers and now feel a little better. Thanks again for being so understanding, Kay

Thank you for your reply and Congrats on your 137 lb. loss! That is awesome. Kay

Hi Kay, I went to the messageboard and read that post you're talking about. It is tremendously sad... The only thing I know for sure is that every surgery carries with it some risk. Anytime one goes under the knife, there is a risk of complications, and even death. For those of us suffering from obesity, we determine if the risk of complications outweighs all the co-morbidities that we're already faced with. All of those who have had the surgery have had to come to this fork in the road. We're miserable, have a plethora of health problems, and are slowly dying---every day that we are obese/morbidly obese. There are no easy answers, but each and every person that finds themselves faced with the prospect of having WLS, has had to think long and hard about the risks, and benefits. We have to weigh all of our co-morbidities, and for most of us, that's one heavy ass list! Then we weigh the benefits of getting this weight off for good. Some people just can't do it. The risk is just too great. But for many, this surgery has saved their lives. For every one person who passes away secondary to WLS, there are thousands who go on to live happier, healthier lives after WLS. Take some time. Talk to those you love. Sit down and write out the exact reasons you are looking to have WLS; then compare them to the risks. You have to justify this surgery to yourself, and you'll need to do your research, do some praying if you're one who believes in a greater being, and then make a decision. Everyone is a bit afraid of the surgery; but there are times that we just have to take a risk: a very big risk in this case. I wish you peace and calm in this time of pondering and decision making. Keep talking to us. Keep processing. Then make a decision. We'll all be with you, either way you decide. Jessica

Thank you Nurse Jessica

Hi, I know what your feeling. Surgery's of any kind are a risk. I had lots of fearful times. All you can do is keep getting information till you feel good about it. For myself, it was I'm killing myself the way I was going. My Dr. said he was one of those who didn't believe in this type of surgery. But. he since is all for it because it's one of those surgeries that cure so many things. I had mine 2 weeks ago, I feel great! I've heard all the horror stories too. On this sight you will see more success stories. There is so much info here. Hope you calm down, take a deep deep breath. And see that there is a wonderful healthy you at the end of all this. Marge

Thank you Marge! After a deep breath, prayers and a nap, I feel a little better. Take Care, Kay

Hey sweetheart, sorry I'm late in answering... Hey, I know you're scared and you are a very brave person for even considering surgery. Think of it this way, any one of us could get in a car accident tomorrow, that still doesn't mean we shouldn't drive. I know that's a bit smart-assed way to put it, but honey, your health is most important right now. Obesity is a disease that will kill anyone regardless of age/race/orientation, etc... I know you're scared especially when there are children involved in making this decision, especially partners and family... You have to have peace in your heart in order to be "ok" with your decision, no matter what that outcome is. I think you've answered your own question, or doubt, when you say you just want to be healthy and want a chance at a normal life... the first steps are the hardest, but honey, even WITH complications, I'd do this surgery over and over and over and over again... honestly, after surgery, you might have regrets, but HONESTLY they will change, seriously. Even at around 3-4 months post op I'd have doubts about if I did the right thing or not, but I never regretted it at all. I won't ever tell you anything that isn't true regarding this surgery because it is a big deal. My hardest struggle, even NOW, is the depression and anxiety. I had severe mood swings (related to irregular periods and imbalanced hormones, hereditary), but I'm on 300mg of Wellbutrin, and some days that doesn't even help... as far as my physical well-being, outward appearance, and breathing/exercising and basic getting up and moving about, I have changed DRASTICALLY over 1000000% difference. I am OFF my Cpap machine, no more steroids for asthma, no more nebulizers (at least 3x per day) and no more blood pressure pills. I truly believe everyone has an appointed time to depart from this world, and unfortunatly sometimes that is thru drastic/tragic situations. That is why, I am stressing you should have a sense of peace in your heart before you finally commit to the surgery. It is a lot of hard work. I still think, MY GOD this is more hard work than pre op because I'm having to have an even more STRICT diet than ever... but then I look at me at 367+ lbs and look at me now 224lbs awhile later... NO WAY would I have backed out of having surgery... I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope you have peace in whatever decision you make. Much love 2you