" I Know Your Gonna Leave Me "

Hey Family How is everyone this Friday? I am so sick of my partner telling me that she knows that I am going to leave her after I have surgery and loose the weight. I just dont understand where she is getting this from. I keep asking her if she is physic. Everytime the subject of WLS comes up, She says, "I'm excited that you are having this surgery but I know you gonna leave me". " Your going to get all skinny and find someone better". WTF is that about? I just dont know what else to say to her except I love her and I'm not going anywhere! I thought maybe she didn't want me to have the surgery but she said its not that. We have been together 5 years and I have never heard her say anything like this before. Is she just nervous or worried? Has anybodys partner ever tripped out before surgery? I dont even have a date yet or even have a clue when I will get one. Thanks for letting me get this out. I just wanna choke the hell out of her when she says this. Then give her a kiss and tell her I'm sorry Kay

Hi Kay, I know what your going through and I know that a lot of others have had the same thing happen to them. It's a scary thing for our partners. We do change, we start LIVING! My partner expressed the same fear. Keep reassuring your partner and ask her to stop saying that because it seems the more they say it the more we hear it and let it into our minds and thats not what we need So, hang tuff and don't strangle her! Keep an open communication and start therapy if you want, it may help!

My parnter says that to me but I'll tell her , oh so are you saying that I am only with you because I am fat,(I don't like that word but that normally shuts her up. She know I am not going anywhere. Just make your girl feel secure. She knows that you are going to be more sexy that you are now. Just let her know that you love her no matter what size you are.

Hey Sherry Thanks for the response.. I am going to have to use that sometimes.. "So your only with me cause I'm fat". She hates the FAT word so I know that will shut her up. Kay

Kay, Mine did a similar thing - more like a , "you better not leave me once you get skinney! ;)" kind of thing, but I think it's true that there is some security our partners have in that well, fat people aren't exactly the ones turning the heads of strangers. In other words, no one is stopping me on the street asking me for my number now...but maybe once I'm a normal size, that could actually happen (don't i wish!!!) But right now, there is some security in the fact that I'm not exactly getting other offers, and she knows I'm not out there looking for anyone else. So, I basically did a few things: 1) redirected her to think about what the fear is really about - and what her insecurity is really about and talk to me about it 2) asked her to talk to her therapist about it 3) asked her to let me know if ever i do anything that would foster that insecurity so I could be aware and change my behavior 4) finally, i offered to go to couples counseling if she'd feel safer talking about her fears with someone in the room to offer her support We're coming up on 7 years, we had a wedding 4 years ago, have a dog, house and two cats - and I'm putting her through grad school at the moment - I don't know how much more secure you can get than that. I don't see what the problem could be - but I still don't want her feeling scared...so, those are my suggestions! My lap-band surgery is in 2 weeks and 2 days! YIKES! Jenn

Hey Jenn Thanks for taking the time out to respond. We talked about it last night and it was the first time she just really totally honest about how she is feeling about wls. She is just scared that I am going to die. That really hit me hard and I really did not know what to say cause sometimes I think about that too. I just want her to be at ease before I do this. Thanks again, Kay

I think we have all heard this one before. Hang in there it will pass. Chip

Hey Kim, I went through the same thing with my partner. We've been together 12 years. She wanted me to have the surgery for my health but at the same time had some insecurities. I would remind her, and I didnt do it to be a ***** or maybe it was...lol just kidding, but I would say, "I didnt have a problem pullin' men or women when I was fat, and still didn't leave so what would make you think I would leave you when I loose weight." I know it sounds ****y, but it's true. I mean, I dont think I'm all that..but to be honest at 360 lbs, I would still have people tryin kick it to me..lol " But seriously, it's just about a year since my surgery and we're doing well. I still give her all the attention that I did before surgery, in fact I give her more attention now. And in case you haven't heard, the sex life gets much better when we're smaller. I mean, I have way more energy and we try more things.... not just sexually but in general, too. I know it's tough to hear what she's saying, but just keep reinforcing your love for her. I tell my partner I love her too many times a day...lol I always remind her that she is the love of my life, the one I'm going to grow old with, the future mother of our children, my soulmate. I hope some of this makes sense I can be a little long winded Good Luck, I hope that everything works out for you the way it is for me!!!! Vicky

Vicky, Thanks for the response. It really helps to hear that all couples go through this in th process of WLS and its always GREAT to hear that the sex life does get better!! Congrats on your weight loss and Making it to 12 years with your partner. Take Care, Kay

Hey hunni all I can say right now is I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THRU I'm STILL going thru it I gotta run tho its storming here I will type more later I'm just trying to reach everyone's posts before my power goes out