blah

I don't know what the point of me writing this is... but I am feeling pain and thought I might be able to come here for support. Earlier today my wife and I have decided to split. It's primarily my decision, but she was also feeling us drifting apart. She says I am distant, and I know I have been. I have felt myself pulling away from everyone, even my friends. Is this something you all did as you were preparing for surgery? I don't know what the problem is, but I have gone into seclusion, and me withdrawing has turned her into going out and partying to deal with my distancing behavior. I know us going our seperate ways is best, because we just aren't happy anymore. I am scared that my unhappiness has nothing to do with her, but has more to do with me waiting anxiously for the surgery. I am more upset about not being able to see the boys as much as I am worried about her. I am so afraid that she is going to turn to partying and they will be left with her parents (she's already been going out every weekend until 5, even 10 in the morning). I do not feel regret, but I think I am afraid to live on my own. I have only been in two relationships, and they were both back to back. My first being for 10 years (we started dating in junior high), and then her and I for the last couple of years. Right now I don't feel like I want to have anything to do with relationships. I need time to find the real me and face all the fears that I have had in my past. I am hoping that this surgery will alow me to find the real me. Thank you for listening. I think I became more upse****ching QAF with all the happy love stories going on. Ok, I guess I will try to get some sleep, yeah right.

NB' I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Sounds like depression and I'd suggest you see your MD. You might also want to start seeing a therapist too. Living alone is a piece of cake for some people, for others it can feel strange or lonely. Some of us do best in a relationship others of us just need a roomate around from time to time. I'm one of those people who does best in a relationship. I know being overweight can drive us to be isolative and depressed at times. Try not to isolate from your friends though or your blahs will only get worse. Push yourself to be with friends so you can get the support you need from people who love you. I hope you start to feel relief soon. Please don't hide away.

NB, I am so sorry to read about your blah. Hey, if you need someone to talk to email me. Maybe we can meet for coffee. I know there are lots of fears about surgery and how our lives change after surgery. It may help to talk about that with a therapist or someone that has gone before you. Also there is a support group meeting in a few weeks at Sutter we can meet there. Let me know, and email me anytime. David

I commend you for opening up and reaching out to your peers for support. I agree with the others recommendations for meds and couseling.. it helped me.

Hey honey, I'm sorry that these past few days or weeks have been so difficult. The anxiety of waiting for surgery, or anything really important, can stress out even the most stable relationships. If you're saying that it's time for the relationship to come to and end, than you deserve to get some support; in the form of counseling, or in talking with family and/or friends. The kids you spoke of, are they hers? Will you be able to see them if you want to once the relationship ends? One final thought: if she decides to go and party the night away until the wee hours of the morning, you have to allow that to be her problem, and not turn it into yours. We all have decisions to make at the crossroads in our lives; if she decides to cope or avoid coping, there is simply nothing you can do for her. She is an adult, and has to act like one. You, on the other hand, have monumental things to look forward to. When is your surgery? It's time for you to get focused and get ready for all the life altering things that are coming your way after surgery. Please come back to this site and talk to us. We're certainly not a substitute for good counseling by a professional, but many of us have been where you are, and can be a source of support when you need one. Thinking of you. Jessica Please feel free to email me if you simply need to talk. Talking helps to take the power away from those overwhelming feelings that begin to envelope us...

(((((((((TINK)))))))))))))) hope things are getting better

Hey guys, I wanted to thank you for all the support! I was being silly in a moment when I was thinking about why I did that and just being down! I am doing soooooo much better and am really glad with the decision, and things are 105% better. Can you tell it was that time of the month and I was more emotional? Damn us having to go through the girly things! Thank-you so much for all your help. You don't know how much I appreciate getting support from strangers I have never met. You are all the best. I love ya! :*