Coming OUT or staying IN?

Well, today I had a terrible run in with my family about my lifestyle, and basically, I think the cat is literally out of the bag now Anyhoo, with this dilemma and just mental insanity, I'd like to hear your stories. Are you "out" or "in" with family, friends, co workers, etc? I need to hear everyone's stories to help me cope and know what to expect next, and so forth...

Hey Beth, I waited for almost a year into my relationship before telling my family (I told my friends first). At the time, I was pressured my girlfriend because it was getting hard and it was really important to her. I was scared to tell because I experienced my best friend telling his parents and the negative reaction he got (his parents would bring him literature and highlite the points saying why being gay was wrong, and basically outcasted him). I was totally terrified. I went about it the wimpy way and told my little sister and had her tell my parents and my other sister. I am so glad they know now!! It has been so much easier and they are sooo accepting. I think that it helped that they met her as my friend/roommate. They had already liked her and if they would have changed their mind about her, I was ready to put up a fight. Thank goodness I didn't have to! As for work, only a few coworkers know. I teach and for parents to openly know it in the district I am, I could possibly lose my job. Once I have tenure I won't be so cautious. It's horrible to have to hide it, but the reality is unfortunate. The schools can let you go without a reason, and to think Arnold has an issue on the ballot calling it "Put the children first" which will increase tenure to 5 (and he's hoping for 10) years (of having to hide it). It's a personal issue, and I guess I am lucky that I am in California, since we tend to be more liberal than other states. Hopefully your family will accept you for you and be ok with it.

Thank you SO much for sharing your story... It will get easier as time goes on, for everyone, and for me, but being an outcast from your family is very hard, and that was my biggest fear that is becoming reality now :::::hugs:::::

I am totally out with everyone. My family has known "officially" for about 6 years. But I think they really always knew. All my friends know, all my co-workers know. I don't introduce my self as "hi, I'm Jeremy and I'm a dyke." I just don't hide it, I talk about Jen just like my straight friends and co-workers talk about their husbands and wifes. All of my family met jen as soon as I knew it was safe to introduce her (safe = she is not psycho and going to leave me). The only person who took it at all bad - that really mattered to me - was my dad, I think it was because I am his baby girl, the only girl in the WHOLE family as a matter of fact. But eventually he came around and now he says that if I weren't with Jen I probably wouldn't seem as well as I am. He told me that when I met her I changed and it was all for the good.... I agree, she made me better. I love her so much

Thank you Jeremy for sharing your story. Sounds like your family rocks Congrats on finding the love of your life, that is priceless I wish you many more happy years together...

Hiya! I am completely out to Everyone!! My sis, mom, aunts and uncles are cool with it...they liked my ex's.. my dad married Satan (well, Lorraine) and since she is a closeted lesbian herself (at least i think so) she Hates me! so therefore i have no relationship with my father... most of my friends are gay, so they were of course cool with it.. i was in a 2 yr relationship with my coworker, so work is ok with it.. now my school on the other hand....lets just say i have contacted Human Rights Organizations regarding discrimination and nasty comments that have been said to me..the teachers are homophobes who also seem to hate Jews..haha..i got the best I tell ya!! anyways, i am happy with my decision to be out and proud...specially since i am not the 'typical' lesbian so i get asked questions alot, which is nice if they are sincere and i can teach someone something about our lifestyle... good luck!

Thanks, Dawn That's sooooooo wonderful your family is so very accepting! Thank you for sharing your story, as well ::::hugs:::

As bad is it seems right now, this very minute, in the long run you will feel so much better that the issue is on the table. And chances are, your family has know for a long time. They may not like it before. They may not like it now. But they knew. I think our families always know. My story is that I thought I was in the closet from my family until I was about 25. Then one night my mom and me were watching a 60 Minutes segment on gay pride. She said that she couldn't understand why those people had to put on t-shirts and walk in parades. I told her "Don't be surprised if someday you see me in a t-shirt and walking in one of those parades because I'm gay, too." And my mom, without missing a beat, says, "I know. I was just waiting for you to say something." Of course, it wasn't easy for her to hear because, even tho she knew I was gay, she still had all these dreams for me based on what she thought daughters were supposed to be like. But now she and my dad and my brothers and sisters-in-laws and nieces love Rose unconditionally like they love me. And, in fact, my nieces couldn't even figure out why Rose and I had to get married because we already were! The road from that first conversation to today has been long. I didn't "throw it" in her face or try to talk about it all the time. I just stopped censoring my conversations. For example, I worked at a gay bar as a bouncer. I never even told my parents this. After I came out, I just casually mentioned I had to go to work and the rest followed. I never introduced my parents to anyone I was dating. Rose was the first one (11 years ago now!!!), but I knew right away she was the only one. I should also mention that my mom was a pretty conservative protestant, born, raised and active in the church. I think she reconciled herself to my being gay because she say firsthand how much happier and less self-destructive I was after I came out. I think that was the one thing that helped her understand that I knew what I was doing. As a mother, she said she only wanted me to be happy. When I was suicidal and really F****D up, she say my struggles and it tore at her. But when I came out to myself and started to be happier (and later when I could correlate that to my coming out for her) she totally got it. So with my coworkers, I take a very ho-hum approach to the whole thing. I mention Rose when I talk about who I live with and own the home with. I talk about her when I discuss weekend plans. I mention our vacations. You get the picture. And eventually, all my coworkers did, too. I treat it all as a matter of fact now and so does everyone else. My best advice for you, after suffering through this long and winded post, is to continue to be yourself. Don't run away from the "issue" but don't make it an issue by throwing it back at your family. Give them some time to digest the news--even though they likely knew already. Think of how strong you needed to be to get through surgery, from start to loss. Call up that strength now. It will serve you well and everything will work out just find. Maybe not this week. Maybe not next month or the following one. But sometime it will. Good luck! Sending you big hugs!!! Jen

Jen, My parents were the same way, in that they too said they had already known and were wondering when I would say anything. My family is very religious, and so that was another reason I was scared. It's interesting how they had to take another look at their religion because here their daughter was gay, and they couldn't imagine not having me in their life. I guess the way they look at it now is that as long as I am happy and have found love, they too are happy for me (regardless of the sex of the other person).

Hi Beth I am OUT to everyone. When I was about 17 I figured out that I was a lesbian. I told a few friends but did not come out to my family til I was 22. Someone told my brother that his sister was a dyke and my brother told my mom. She use to ask me all the time if i was a lesbian and I would say no but this last time when my brother told her, I said Yes. She flipped and told me that I was going to hell, I was nasty and I needed to get out of her house. I was depressed for a while. So... I moved to another state and met my Stephanie, my girlfriend now and we have been together almost 5 years ( our anniversary is Friday!! ). Me and my mom are working on our relationship now. We are fine as long as I dont talk about my lifestyle. It took me a long time to love myself and accept myself. I tried for so long to live for my mom and make my mom happy. I now live for ME! I am much happy and I now know that being a Lesbian is Ok! I hope everything goes good with your family. Kay