I'm so scared

Hi all, I am so scared and need some support please. My wife and I have split up because our marriage is horrible. we have a 3year old daughter and our lives are falling apart. Well monday I am meeting my wife at her counslers appointment and I am going to tell her I am gay. I just told her counseler and she was so excited and she thinks this is gonna be great for my wife and I. I am a very depressed person because I have always hid this from myself and am so scared I am gonna crush my wife. Has anyone else gone through this? how did it turn out? I just uttered the words i am gay for the first time ever and I feel great about it I am just freaking out about monday though......

Hi Rory, I haven't been through what you're experiencing now, but I do know how scary-exhilerating-depressing-anxious-marvelous-psycho it is to say to yourself--and out loud--for the first time that you are gay. I think you'll turn out just fine because you at least are honest with yourself. Your wife might be shocked, angry, confused, hurt or whatever, but remember that deep down she does--or did--love you. And that likely means she'll want you to be happy. So hang in there. It's great that you are see a counsellor and talking to your wife and the counsellor in a safe/moderated setting for both of you. Good luck and know that this board can be a great support--no matter what you're going through. Jen

Hi Rory I have not experianced this but can idenify with all the emotions you are going through about coming out and finally saying I'm gay. I know things are not great right now but do know that things get better. It might get a little worse before it does but I promise it will get better. I hope you find the support and happiness you deserve. You are in my prayers, Kay

I too have not been through that, but have had friends who have came out after being married. It is hard, but necessary. It is good you are doing it now and not after many more years. I know some gay men who have developed very close friendships with their ex-wifes, very loving and concerned for one another. I also have friends who do not see their ex-wifes. So it can go either way. And both seem to work for those people who are involved. I don't think that you will crush your wife. She probably already knows on some level and/or may be relieved to find out what has been between you two. If her counselor is so supportive, I would assume that she has insights into your wife and her feelings and concerns. I think the primary good will be being open and honest, and developing a healthy relationship base on that, so your daughter can grow up in a loving and caring family, no matter how it is made up. You are being a good example for your child and that will last her a life time. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Mark

thanks everyone!!! I will post on monday at let you know the outcome.

Rory, Best of luck to you and WELCOME to our neck of the woods. Maybe this will be the best thing that you are doing for YOU both ! WLS brings on ALOT of changes. I was with someone for 9 yrs and after I lost all my weight.... I realized that we were better friends... I have since found my soulmate and we JUST LOVE EACH OTHER TO BITS !!!! If you EVER need an ear .... we are all here for ya !!! We are a great lil family here !!!!! my email is [email protected] if you want to email me. HUGZ TO YOU !!!!!!!!! Glen

Well Rory I've never been in your position but know how difficult it was for me to come out to my parents (not at all a good experience) but for others all was just fine. Being scared is sooooo normal but you can't continue to live the way you used to. Your wife may be stunned but not crushed. She'll be able to pickup and go on . I know it's scary but all of you will better off in a long run. I can tell you love your family and care so much for your wife. I'm sorry you're both going through such a difficult gut wrenching time but things can get better. Staying in therapy will be so helpful. Remember...your baby girl will be so much better off if her parents can be as civil as humanly possible. Best wishes for you and your family. Brenda

Hi Rory, I can't begin to imagine how hard things are for you right now. All I do know is that in time things will get better. Think positive and be honest with yourself and your family. If you ever want to talk, let me know, I have a great ear and would be happy to listen. Good luck on Monday, my thoughts will be with you. Chad

I have not had to go through what you are going through, but I do remember coming out to my close family and friends. Some took it well others did not, but the people that loved me for me didn't care. And the ones who knew me best told me they already knew and were just waiting for me to figure it out. Everything will be ok, and the family is always here to listen....

Rory it is a scary process but coming out to yourself and your wife will ultimately lead you to a better life. It is so much harder in the long run to be closeted, especially to yourself. Congratulations and welcome to the family. Although there are set backs it gets easier with time. Find someone who you can trust locally to help you threw this process. Friends can be a real help at this time. Chip