Relationship Question...Part ii

Hey guys and girls I have a question for the pre/non/post ops out here. Well, a few questions, and here they are: 1. Have you ever dealt with a jealous bf or gf? Before or after surgery, did this change for better or worse? 2. Are YOU the one that is the jealous bf or gf in your relationship (current or past) and have YOU changed better or worse (more obsessive-jealous)? 3. If you've never been jealous, or never had a jealous mate, (POST OP ONLY) after surgery, does jealousy arise when you go out with friends, or to a club, etc... basically in a social setting where you would get extra attention to yourself? Here's my dilemma, my gf and I have been together for 3 years, off and on, and we're BOTH jealous, however, I'm not so much anymore since surgery BUT this weekend I got some extra attention from "butch" girls, and she just took a trip into pissyland... Do you think there's hope for us? LOL I mean, I'm not instigating the attention at all, but I'm not ignoring it either... Advice is welcome *beth* -85

Hello Beth, First of all from the other post, I haven't tried to drink yet. I am not even 4 weeks out so I will wait. Now for the relationship question, Eric and I have been together for 4 years. We have people hitting on us from two different sides. I have the "chasers" and he has the "bears" all over him. There has been lots of jealous moments in our 4 years. However, we were in the Castro the other day and boy was he holding on to my hand tight. I have not lost as much as most, but I am down 30 and it shows more in my face. I don't think he is being jealous, but he is liking my look. I do wonder about my mood swings. Are you finding yourself getting upset about the stupidist things? I feel like I am on edge alot. I gave up drugs years ago, gave up cigs a few years ago, but food? I don't know if I am joansing. The attention is going to come our way, but we need to remember that out partners love us for who we are. They were with us at our highest weight and they are with us now. The attention is nice, but we are still part of the partnership and must keep our lovers feeling safe. I don't think we need to ignore the attention, but we can laugh it off with our partners,and in the inside giggle as our pride swells. Thanks for these posts. David

(((((((((((((((David))))))))))) @ "inside giggles" Thanks for your advice

Hmm... I can't handle jealous boyfriends... I've never had a girlfriend, so I dunno how that works! But I still don't think I could handle a jealous girl either. I'm, afterall, a natural flirt! LOL! So... get rid of her and find a nicer girlfriend, that doesn't give you crap every other day! You deserve to be HAPPY! Very happy! You've started an entire new life, and if she can't see that.... then it's her loss. Just my 2 cents. But whatever happens, I hope you end up happy chickie cause that's all that really matters at the end! There's tons of fish in the sea! -Katie

I think the way relationships change after WLS is the thing the medical community does the worst job at preparing us for...the reality is that no matter how much two people love each other, the relationship was built with them assuming certain "roles" (I'm not talking butch/femme here although that can play into it) that allow them to have a certain dynamic; when one partner changes significantly in some way, that demands that those roles be adjusted/renegotiated/replaced and this takes time and patience. It's not a matter of "if you love me, you'll just be happy for me"...more a matter of "if we love each other, we'll try to adapt to the changes (both partners) and communicate, and meanwhile we'll stick around". Make sense?

Makes perfect sense Thank you

I'm a pretty jealous person myself. . . or I used to be. My partner says she isn't but that's not so. When I told her I wanted this surgery. She told me that I should do what I felt was right, and check it out good. So I did and I'm still getting info. Then she started bringing home candy, sweet stuff. ????? I wondered', did she forget I was diabetic? So we talked about it. And she said she was afraid I start looking for some one else once I was thin. We've been together for 30 years! And, I pray for 30 more. She is conflicted and feels life with me will be different. . . praise God I hope so. We are looking at it differently. I'm medically retired waiting for her. That's in about 3 years. I'd like not to be in a wheel chair or worse, not be here at all. Once I have this surgery I'm sure there will be some bumps, I hope we keep the lines of communication open. I myself hate that feeling of being jealous, I don't want the person I love to ever feel that way. Now at the age I am it's really not worth the grief. There are to many other things to do that could make you feel good. Life is a ***** sometimes, don't sweat the small stuff. Marge

I have no idea. I would like to know how this turns out, though, so I can see what's in store for me. LOL

Beth- I hope things work out in your situation. I am on the verge of getting surgery, so im looking for all the information I can get. I have always gotten attention, even being overweight, but the reason I have decided to go with the surgery is because I am just having too many health issues over it, and I need to get myself back in order. I have never been a jealous kinda girl, and now I am looking at having surgery WITH my hub, who has always been very sweet and treated me like the goddess I am. Hes a very big guy, and wants surgery too, and so I worry I might become this jealous freak if he loses too much weight! wow... I mean hes always been very good to me... I always have a girlfriend that he knows about, and he lets me be myself and do my thing, but with us both having surgery, I wonder if both of us will be able to handle what will happen when we both start losing weight. Hes very cool with me dating women, and always has been, but gets kinda funny if he thinks a man is paying an ounce of attention to me. Me on the other side of the coin, really hasnt worried too much about women going after my husband, im pretty secure with myself as a woman, but I just dont want to find myself in that position.... so I really do worry that if we both lose a lot of weight that its going to change things with our relationship. I sure hope not, but seeing some of the things you read on here, its making me wonder if I shouldnt really put more thought into it all.