MY GIRLFRIEND IS NOT SUPPORTIVE

i am really coming to my witts end about this. she says with her mouth but her actions prove other wise. she wont walk with me, she falls asleep in the support meetings, and i really think she purposely tries to get me to eat bad knowing i need to be on a diet pre-op! i dont know what to do, no wait, i do know what i need to do but its just hard. any encouraging words or suggestions?

Hi Allison! I'm sorry your GF doesn't seem supportive. I'm sure it would help a ton if her actions did seem to back you up. Have you talked with her about why she acts this way? Maybe she really does want to support you, but it afraid of what it would mean if you are successful. Does she worry that you might become "too attractive"? That you'd lose interest in her? That you'd change too much? I know my partner is very supportive of me, but these questions--she has admitted--plague her, too. So maybe your best support are the people on this board. In the mean time, give her all the reassurance you can and continue to invite her participation. She needs just as much time to get used to the idea of your life change as you do. Good luck...and don't let this stop you from doing what is best for you! In the long, she'll appreciate it and love you for taking care of yourself. Jen

Sometimes it's fear of the surgery. That was my husbands problem and I thought he just did not want me to get healthy and thin. Talk to her and tell her to let her feelings go. Best of luck. Donna 338/211 -127

Alison, I would talk to her about what is bothering you and tell her that you need her support then go from there. Hopefully, if you tell her what you need she will then give it to her. Sometimes we expect our partners to read our minds... they don't do it very well. If you keep that communication open then it will get better. Just tell her how you feel and be careful not to blame. I will caution you that on this road to healthy living, there are going to be lots of hurdles. Things like people asking you if you want foods that you both know you shouldn't or can't have happen all the time. You just have to learn to politely decline and point out each time that you choose not to eat that. If it really bothers you, you can also ask them not to ask you in the future. It may take a few times, but eventually they get the hint. Offering and sharing food is part of our culture. How you deal with it is part of this transformation. As far as the not walking with you thing, I had that happen too and it bugged me because my partner said she would exercise with me prior to my surgery but after I was on my own. The thing is, she isn't any better than most people who just don't want to exercise. I realized at some point that this was my thing and mine alone. I am responsible for exercising, eating right, and keeping to the program. It's hard to push yourself, but it will make you a stronger, healthier person in the end. I hope this helps and that things get better for you. If you need someone to talk to, we are here! Best, Amy

((((((((((ALISON))))))))))) I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this on TOP of having surgery. You're girlfriend is A) probably worried/scared of the unknown, B) kinda worried she might lose you after you lose the weight, like mine is/was/still is... C) she does probably care but doesn't know what to do, D) needs support and "training" herself, but she has to be willing to talk to other SO's of WLS patients and find out what the hell to do... Most of all sweetipie, this is for YOU...your health, not anyone else's...you take care of YOU in the long run, regardless if you are with someone or not...make SURE you prepare mentally and especially EMOTIONALLY after surgery because that is the only thing I regret not doing, and I'm trying to tell everyone I know that is pre-op to please, prepare yourself and your family/lovers/friends for mood swings from hell once that weight melts off...your hormones will be out of whack...your gf HAS to begin NOW with support, otherwise, she will not be able to handle the quick-pace of life-changing events you will go thru....ALL GOOD but she has to be strong for the both of you at times...just talk to her, and stress how important it is for the BOTH of you to be supportive for each other especially now...and you may want to both go to a private counselor, or couples counselor to help even more. Hope this helps, Beth

Hi, When I told my partner of 30yrs that I was going to do this. She first tried to talk me out of it. Then she told me she was afraid I wouldn't want her any more. I don't know where she thinks I would go after 30 years. I think I'm pretty settled in. I like to think my friends are of the heart and soul kind. Your partner my have heard all the stories alot of us have heard. That once you lose the weight you'll fine someone else. I know a straight women who told me she couldn't respect a man who'd love someone as fat as she. There are lots of horror stories out there. But, push come to shove, it's about your health. And a longer and better life for the the two of you. Good luck to you and yours.

Hi Alison I know how you feel and everyone makes some good points. My girl friend who has been my best friend for the last 5 years didn't go with me to ANY support groups or appts. She, also, will not walk w/ me. At first I was irritated and it caused some tension between us, but I had to accept that this is my thing and I have to do what I have to do, with or without her. I enjoy walking with just me and my dawg now... it's our time! I hope this little insight to my experiences helps.

ackkkkkkkkkkkk that sux ((((((((((((((((((((((JO-ELL))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

LOL X3 hey it's o.k. really... I get WLS support from my friends, co-workers, family and from YA'LL! She's there for me when I need her to be.. and for the walking thing..she works a heavy job and I don't.. I pick my battles - I'm satisfied to walk with my dog Z and dream of living in that house on the lake, moutain, beach, (take your pick), you know the one... LOL

Hi Alison, How about your son. Will he walk with you? I remember walking with my mom when I was young. It was a good time to talk too..like the car.. it's not as threatning when your not having direct eye conact.. Also, it would be good example to him in exercise as well. Maybe he's too young? I don't know your full situation, it's just a thought. Take care Jo-Ell 265/215/130's