Hi FAMILY HELP PLEASE !!!!!! long one

I have been out of the closet for 5 years. I've been with my partner for 9 years. This is the problem. I have 3 children from my previous life. 20 years , 18 years and 14 years old. Ok the children love her I love her she has had a hand in raising them for the last 6 years, we moved in together about 5 years ago. We are starting to have a lot of functions since the kids are older now at school. We go the parent confere all the teacher refer to us as the moms. My partner is the sweetest person you want to know she will give you her last. She is my heart. We have been engaged for the last 4 years . We have set our commiment ceramony next year when you move to GA. I feel like I am in the middle and I don't know what to do. Our 18 year old is graduation from highschool next month , he only gets 3 tickets. Which my mother and sister will be coming from out of town to go to the graduation. There will be a overflow room with a big monitor if extra people com to see the graduation. My sister , my mom and me will get the ticket. I didn't think that would be a problem but it is my partner she says that she doesnt feel like she is part of the family. I email her and asked her why was she acting so selfish. she emailed me back , that this is the first time that her gayness has really effected her life, I don't understand where that came from but she said she feels so alone. That made me cry because she know that I am always here for her. I love her so much. I just feel like I am in the middle , my sister and my partner I really don't know what to do. I told my partner that she will still be there, what is the difference. She said that I helped raise him, that is my son why should i go in a different room. I just really don't know what to do I don't want to hurt anyone. please help.

{{{{{{SHERRY}}}}}}} Wow, this is a toughie... I've never been in a sticky situation like this. I'm sorry, but I have nothing to offer as far as guidance goes but I can offer you my support. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers for the right decision. Maybe the school board can make an exception, and offer 4 tickets? Is that a possibility? Don't stop until you've exhausted every avenue of hope...even then, don't give up. Sending you & and Hugs, Beth -72.5

It sounds like you really are in a difficult position. And while I don't have kids, so I can't understand your predicament, I have been the "left out" partner. I think you both have vaild points. But I would have to say that I think your partner should take precedent over your sister, even though your sister is coming from out of town. Your partner helpd raise your son and supported him--probably both emotionally and financially to a certain extent. She's been there with you for the conferences and has taken an active role in his education. Have you talked to your sister and mentioned the possibility that she may not be able to attend the ceremony? Has your son asked any friends if they have extra tickets? If I were you, I would think about what you consider to be your strongest family unit: (you, son, sister or you, partner, son) and base your decision on that. But most importantly, what does your son want? Would he rather have your partner watching or his aunt? If you haven't talked with him yet, I'd start there. Good luck! Jen

I think I'd have to move sis to the big room.

Hey, Talk to your sister, maybe she will understand and if not then you need to remember that your relationship is a REAL ONE and your partner is your partner in everything and she really wants to be there, unlike alot of other partners/spouses that could care less if they were there or not. Don't under estimate your relationship with your partner. C. Domingo

Hello Sherry this should not be an questions, because if you were married you would not tell your husband to watch the graduration from the over flow room, yes your sister is his Aunt but your partner has helped raise your child, she is his other Mother, this could really put and dent in your relationship, and I know you don't want that. Is there anyway you can get just one more ticket. Sorry my name is Joi and I live right outside of Atlanta in Douglasville, I'm a psychotherapist who specializes in Gay and Lesbian isssues, I also do same sex prenuptial classes, if interested give me a call 770-374-9692 Good luck just know that she will be hurt, your sister should understand why you picked your partner and if she doesn't it's okay because they will go back home, and you will still be there with the women that you love, and who helped raise your children, with disappointment that can never be taken back, she may also feel a lack of trust now for other events that will come in the future, so why this situation carefully. Take Care Joi

Hi Sherry, It's my humble opinion that your partner takes precedence over your sister, only because she is your "spousal equivalent". People are right: If this were a hetero situation, your husband wouldn't even be an issue. I've been out forever and my partner and I are getting ready for my 18 yo to come down here and live with us. She is going to graduate here, and if there's a question of not having enough tickets, there won't be a question of where my partner will be. Good luck with your situation. It will be hard, but in the end when you and your partner are together watching your son, it really will be worth it. Best, Lisa

Congratulations to your son! What a great accomplishment. I guess I'm not as close to by sister as you are cause my sister would be in the big room with the tv screen especially if my partner was a second mom to my son. Good luck I hope it all works out for you. Chip

Hello Sherry - I was about to answer and then read all the others so I just want to add that your partner and co-parent comes first. I've been there in your partner's position and came close to leaving my partner for her decisions. Your sister should understand, and if she doesn't, that is her problem. When you say "our 18 year old" it says it all. Have a great party after graduation in which all of you can participate. It's a shame that the school doesn't make more tickets available. Maybe you can get an extra from someone. But if that is not possible, your sister is not the same as a co-parent. Enjoy your son's accomplishments with your partner and the rest of your family. You will make it work. Ruth

My 2 cents ? I've been in that situation where I came second to my ex partner's family. It's was something most would think small and even though they loved me their action let me know my relationship with their sister/daughter was not equall to those straight relatives who are married to one another. This may not even be conscious on their part but it sure made me feel I was second to all the other "spouses". My partner comes 1st over ALL( I have no minor children). Your sister can enjoy the graduation in the overflow room. Your partner's feelings are not petty and should not be minimized with comments like " Why are you acting so selfish ? or You'll still be there." If you feel in the middle it's because you put yourself there. You can get out of the middle by letting your sister know she'll be in the overflow room. Don't wimp out because you're fearful of hurting your sister's feelings. Sister will learn your partner is first and foremost in your life only if YOU treat your partner as #1. If we put our partners second to others we are only letting others know our gay relationships aren't as legitimate or important as straight relationships. You say she's your heart ???? Treat your heart better than second place in your life. Guess that was more than 2 cents