HELP!!!!!!!

Hello, I have a huge problem. I had surgery on march first and have lost 70 lbs so far and am feeling great about myself. I have 1 issue though I am married to a woman and have a 3 yr old daughter and I am attracted to men. I have always felt this way but when I met my wife I fell in love and got married and had our baby. Now that I can't hide my feelings behind food I am being taken over with my desires. is it fair to myself and my wife to say unhappily married or do I have to cvome out for both of us,,,,,, what to do. some advice please!!!!!

I am so sorry to read that you're having such problems in your relationship/life. My best advice is to go immediately into couples counceling - and work it out there. They can help you 2 figure out if you can find a working arrangement, or how to set up your parting in a way that's going to be the best for all involved, especially that daughter of yours. I'll be saying a little prayer for you to the non-conventional deity of my choosing, ~Lara

Hi, The best advice I can give you is to talk to your wife about how you have been feeling. I know that is quite a risk, but she may respond more positively than you expect. A very good friend of mine found himself to be in a situation very similar to the one that you described, and despite his fears he sat down and talked to his wife about it and they were able to work out an arrangement. They have been together for almost 8 years now. They decided to remain together, but in an open relationship. He is free to "date" any man/men when the desire hits, but they set "rules" according to what they were both comfortable with (i.e. he doesn't bring the men into the house (must hook-up somewhere else), she gets top priority when it comes to special events like birthdays, no unprotected sex etc.) So basically, you never know unless you ask. You deserve it to yourseldf to be brave and talk to your wife. Best of Luck, Billie*

Dear Rory, This advice comes from a 50 year old lesbian, whose been out since 1976........HONESTY is always the BEST POLICY! If you love your wife and daughter....and it sounds like you do.......be honest. I'm sure that this isn't the first time someone got their "blanket" of fat riped off and it exposed their true identity......in fact I'll bet if you talk to a professional they'll tell you....it happens alot! When I went to the info session on this surgery they were quite upfront.....this surgery changes relationships....and Rory......the worse thing you could do is insult someone's intelligence, feelings, intuition.....she knows something....even if she's in denial and scared. I can't tell you what to do.....only tell you.......honesty is the best policy! And take it to a professional....this is your window of opportunity....to be YOU! Like a friend of mine who had the surgery told me....some relationships get better, others worse....but they all change. And when her best friend came to her and told her .....she couldn't deal with her weight loss....she was honest and said, sorry I can't stop this.....this IS HAPPENING. You can't stop your feelings and without the protective blanket of fat to hide them away under....they are exposed and real. Please consider this as an opportunity to demonstrate to your daughter what true love looks like......love her and her mom enough to extend the family...and make room for honest love. She won't be the first little girl with a queer dad....I had one too! Only he never could rip off his blanket and died of alcoholism.....but not until he left a wide swath. Don't let that happen in your family. Goddess Bless You All! Sally.....going on 5/24/05