Introducing Myself

Hello family, My name is Heather I am 29 and married live in Missouri where I am a college student double majoring in Psychology and Alcohol & Drug Studies and Minoring in Criminal Justice. I plan to get the hell out of Missouri as soon as I graduate and head to California for my Master's and PHD program. My wife is having real trouble right now with my weight loss and with my new healthy life style she wants to continue down the dangerous road of junk food, and being lazy while I have started eating healthy and exercising. I feel that with my surgery we came to a crossroads in our relationship and even though she said she would go down the same trail as me she has decided to go on the other path. Since I am the main money maker in our realationship I do not go out and buy junk food and that has caused us actual arguments because I am trying to hold her to her original agreement and I feel that if I buy this food for her then it is just like putting nails in her coffin.I truly do not see us together in 6 months if she does not keep her end of the bargain and adopt a more active and healthy lifestyle. Has anyone else been faced with this issue? If so how did you overcome it or did you overcome it? Our anniversary is on Feb,13th and right now I am truly thinking that seperate vacations are in order.Thanks for reading my *****ing and moaning. Heather

Hi there Heather, nice to meet you too. Sorry to hear the troubles you are going thru with your wife. I am not on the loosers side yet so I and my wife have not come to those crossroads yet. Although, I do not think it is unreasonable to be reconsidering your relationship given the cir****tance. Often we find ourselves in relationships where our similarities bind us together no matter how unhealthy they may be. Then when one partners unhealthy habits change the other partner often feels left behind and what was originally something that bonded you now is something that is driving you apart. I truely feel for your situation and hope you come to a happy place wherever that may be.

Hey Heather... Glad to "meet" you. Sounds like you have your hands full right now. The surgery is a lot to deal with at once without adding school, work, and a troubled relationship. Let me say just one word a few times... stress, stress, stress... Sound familiar? I am pretty sure that you didn't just get involved with your wife because you had only eating in common. I am also pretty sure that she probably never made the "Heather needs to stop eating so much" judgement with you or you probably wouldn't be with her. We have all struggled with our weight or we wouldn't be having surgery so we know how that battle is. The thing is, all of us had to come to the decision to do something about it on our own in our own time. You know as much as I do that hurtful things that people say about your weight usually drive you right to the food that makes you fatter so be very careful here. You can't expect her to loose just because you are. Maybe she isn't ready. Instead of expecting everyone to jump on board the weight loss train with you, perhaps you should think about why you are with her in the first place. I am betting that it wasn't JUST because you liked to eat the same ways and the same things. If it was, then you shouldn't be together in the first place. Think about what about her you love and return to that. If you can't then the weight and eating thing isn't really the problem. You are doing a wonderful thing for yourself. You have made the most amazing decision to take off the fat suit and find a new healthier life for yourself. Right now it is all about you and that's okay to a point. You need to redesign your life to make YOUR life better, but she needs to do that for herself. If you consentrate on your health, encourage her without ridicule, and keep moving to grow in this relationship it will work. It's okay to complain and to "***** and moan", and please feel free to drop by here and do that any time you need to. It lightens the load of stress you are dealing with. Just don't dump your stress on the one you love. We are in this together and we are here for you. Please realize that my words are just encouragement to look at this another way. Keep up the good work and keep us posted on how it's going with you. I will be watching! Take Care, Amy