hi family- my partner is tripping.

i mailed of my appeal today for wls , my partner thinks that if i am approved for wls and lose weight, i am going to leave her , she really doesn't understand how much i love her i told her over and over again thats she means everything to me , we have been together almost 9 years , i don't know what else i can say to her to make her feel secure.

you all might benefit from therapy. i know she is probably feeling threatened in some ways because not only will your body change but your confidence will change too. all you can do is reassure her and hope that she feels secure enough in your relationship. my ex did not want me to have it either and i think secretly she felt threatened as well (she never articulated that though). she didn't want to 'lose' me as she put it. well, she left me so i guess she will never know what would have happened. i don't want to be with anyone who isn't supportive of me trying to improve my overall health anyway. good luck to you...i am sure you can work through it as 9 years is a solid foundation.

Sherry, From everything you have told us in this post and others, I just have to say your gf has "issues". She has control, anger, self-esteem areas to work on that have very little to do with you. There is NOTHING you can say to make her feel more secure. That will be something she has to work on when she is willing. I know you love her but are you dependent on her? (financially, emotionally, whatever) If so, I understand you sticking in out. If not, I urge you to push for counseling and to look out for yourself NO MATTER WHAT. There is not a person in the world worth you giving up some peace of mind, happiness, dreams, and/or sanity for. I was with someone for 16 years and had to realize we were no longer meant to be together. It was not easy and I hope it does not come down to that for you. I do worry about you because of her behavior and communication. Please take good care of yourself. Feel free to email me if you want or need the support of an older (maybe wiser) woman. Remember to look out for you. Life is too short not to have it all. I believe in you. Ann

Don't say anything - go to therapy. Start now, while you're still pre-op. If you are scared that you aren't going to make it, then show her how much you are invested in her by taking actions to protect it. I just lost my partner - she couldn't adjust to all my changes. I really think that this didn't have to happen this way, but she was resistant to going to couples counciling earlier. . . Know that sometimes people aren't good with change, and they need help adjusting. In my case there was literally nothing I did wrong, yet here I sit alone. HOWEVER - For the benefits I have now, I would give anything. Even now, having lost an unintentional extra 200 lbs I would still do this again. This has been an awesome transformative life changing event. And I don't regret it even a little. People are either on the bus, or they're going to miss the last ride outta town. She needs to get on board and fully support you, or be prepared for a difficult journey. If she can't be happy for you, then that is her's to deal with. I hope the sun starts shining for you (approval) and your partner soon. I wish you the very best, ~Lara

I am having the same issues you are with your partners insecurities rearding WLS... I just had to reassure her that this will be a good thing for both of us because my being obese is a barrier separating both of us from a more rewarding life TOGETHER. Also let her know that you will always be the same person no matter what you weight and those that didn't love you unconditionally at your current size don't deserve to enjoy you at a smaller size and she is the only one who does! Chiquita