Potential relationship problems

First of all.. hello to everyone on this board! I'm happy that I finally found it. Anyways.. I was wondering if someone out there could help me. I have been dating this girl, Trinity, for around 8 months. In the beginning, it was promising and we had tons of fun! We're still together, but we aren't serious like we were. We've been reduced to 'dating', although we still live together. Frankly.. I'm being sortof suffocated. She still thinks that we're always going to be together and that may not be the case, you know? I'm 18.. and although I care about her, life is just beginning for me and I want to experience all that it has to offer. She doesn't seem to understand, and its because she has already experienced alot at 20 years old; she had her share of parties and fun when she was in her younger teens. Because of my weight, I didn't have that oppertunity back then. Anyway - The problem is.. she thinks that when I get the WLS, I'm going to get 'all skinny and even more beautiful, and leave for someone else'. That's gonna be hard considering we're barely even committed as it is! I do care about her and she is very good to me.. but how do I help her understand that my WLS is the least of our problems because she's taking 'us' too seriously to begin with? I don't want to lose what we have but I don't want it to be any more than it is. (*sigh* oh, the confusion..)

Hi Brandy, I would suggest yall get to a counselor together and talk some things out. Even an impartial friend who knows and loves your both could be a listener/mediator. I think it is very true that wls makes bad relationships worse and great relationships better. You will grow and change after surgery. I don't mean your age. I am nearly 3 times your age and went through lots of changes and emotions. You will want good things for yourself including the freedom to explore, have friends, and love. I will keep you in my thoughts. Ann

I'm going through the same thing. But I am older but other than that the situation is similar. We have been together almost 2 years. In the beginning it was kewl. But this relationship was more of a rebound type. I seem to have long long long relationships. Never had any me time. She thinks we will be together for ever but I have my doubts. The surgery won't break the relationship up. If there were problems before they will still ber there. i agree that you need to have a mediator/counselor to discuss the relationship. You should communicate what you think the relationship is and she needs to tell you. Obviously you both have 2 different definitions. Before anything I would suggest getting on thr same page. I hope this helps. You can always email me. I could go on and on about this topic. I just turned 29 and I want to be free and when I tell her lets be friends it turns into a fight and it get ugly. SHe is all emotional. I am a very straight forward kind of person. BUT I can't bring myself to hurt someones fellings whom I care about but not in love with.

Thanks, ladies! I agree..a mediator might help us, but the problem is..we don't really have any good mutual friends, and I don't really like for people to know too much about my relationships. I hate to say it, but alot of my friends are nosy as hell and can easily start drama. I'm sure I'll find a way to work this out though. Oh, and I'll email you because it does seem like you're in my position. Thanks for the help. Brandy

hello i have been with my partner for 8 years , she is very supportive of me and the wls, but she keeps asking me if i am going to leave her once i have my wls. i don't know why people feel that way, the only thing ,i would say is to just be honest with her and let her know how you feel.

You are 18 and 20. Other than my parents, I don't know anyone who got together at that age and stayed together. There are way too many life changes. Explain as much as you can, but separation before the surgery might be part of the painful solution. Sorry. But I know great things are ahead for you. Peggy