How would you feel if . . .

Your dearest one, your beloved husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, best friend - whoever is the one person you consider your refuge - had this to say about your goal weight: Don't you think you could stand to lose a lot more than that? So much for a good day. I am so hurt right now, and just really disappointed in her. I don't think she intended it to sound the way it was. . .but I don't really care what her intentions were. It was shaming, demeaning, and made me feel like "Why should I bother with you?" I didn't do this surgery for her, or for vanity. I did this surgery to save my life. And I know without anyone looking, hell, I know in the dark of night that this surgery was the best thing I have ever done, even if I don't lose even 1 more pound after today. Bottom line, this isn't her journey, and I frankly don't care what she thinks about how much I should lose. I'll go ahead and keep on listening to Dr Dan Carey, and his expert opinion rather than taking time to shame myself with replaying her commentary in my head. She owes me an apology, a real one from her heart. And if she can't find it then she can kiss my shiney rosy butt. PS - the punchline of this is she actually loves me exactly as I was, and still does, no matter what the weight. Deep in my heart I don't think that this is a case of sabotage. I think she just needs to insert some processing of thoughts before she runs off at the mouth. Some topics should be treated with the respect they deserve. And if she has questions about my medical health, then they should be adressed with the proper courtesy, not flippant commentary. ~Lara

Lara, I wouldn't let her get you down hon! You have done an AMAZING job and your goal weight is what you and your doctor have decided! I'm sure it hurt like hell and I'm so sorry. *hugging you* My partner and I had surgery almost 3 weeks apart. So, we are going through this together. Thank goodness! If you ever need an ear I will be here to listen. Im just sorry she hurt you like that. An apology is warranted... and you are right to expect it!! *hugs* Lisa

Thanks Lisa, She apologized to me just before she left for school (she goes to college at night). She was very sorry she hurt my feelings and understood how insensitive her commentary was. I am so glad she realized this! I am one of those people who don't often get upset, but man alive once I do. . .it takes me a bit to calm down. I am glad that I have the opportunity to calm down while she is away at school. I am glad she apologized, now I just have to get over being hurt, and let myself feel better. She just simply needs to think before she speaks about some things. Thanks so very much for your kind words and your support!!!!! I really appreciate it. ~Lara

Oh Lara - I am so sorry about that. Open mouth, insert foot. And that probably wasn't her intention. But that doesn't minimize the pain and hurt. This is also about so much more than numbers or appearance. Have you talked to her? I think that would be helpful - and tell her that you feel that she owes you an apology. She probably has no idea how hurt you are - how much damage she's done. And she won't know unless you tell her. Take care, Ruth