Ok, how about a topic?

Other boards have a question of the day. Why don't we start that to get to know each other better.?! Here goes... Are you out? Are you out about your surgery? Who did/didn't you tell and why? Ok, so thats more than one question, but feel free to elaborate as much or as little as you want! I am out, both ways. I wasn't going to tell work people, as Im a teacher and I just figured it wasn't anyones business but my own. It was such a long journey though, and I was out for 6 weeks that I wound up telling a few people. Everyone has been very supportive, even a few who I thought wouldn't be. That goes for being out gay and about the surgery now that I think about it. -Donna

Hey Donna! What a great idea to get us all talking! Let me begin to answer your questions. Am I out? Yes and no. Yes to my best friend, all the people I've met here in Tampa since I moved here 2 years ago, and my children. No to anyone else because it's only been a few years since it occurred to me that I'm not crazy: I'm a lesbian! My heart has always been with women--and I know my comfort has always been with them--but when I was young, I did what I thought I was suppose to do: I got married, had two daughters, and lived that life for 5 years until I couldn't lie to myself anymore. My confusion is two part: firstly, I haven't dated or done one single thing to explore what I know to be true. Second, my fear stops me in my tracks: my awful body image and "who would want me..." mentality; and how do I explain my past to someone who knows who she is, and has known her whole life--while I'm 36--just learning to be true to myself! This could be a book if it wasn't so sad. I surround myself with wonderful, strong, tremendous women. Not one of them is single---but that's okay for now, since I wouldn't know what to do if I met a single woman who was interested in me. I don't know where to begin. And I don't know who to ask. Strong women want other women who are strong, know who they are and where they're going. Who is going to invest time in supporting me as I figure all of this out? I haven't figured that out yet, so I'm pretty stuck right now. Any thougts would be really appreciated... Did I tell anyone about the surgery? Yep! My boss knows, and my close friends know. I just decided to go to Mexico, and most of them don't know that, yet. This weekend, I'll be dropping that bombshell! I did my research, and I'm a nurse--I'm capable of making that decison. I did quite a bit of research on the doctors in Mexico before I chose one. June is my date and by then, everyone who doesn't know I'm going--they'll know! Wow, this got long, didn't it? Thank you for giving me the opportunity to put some of my thoughts into words. I'd love to hear how your weight loss journey is going, and feel free to write me with any thoughts you have about any of what I've shared. Take care, Jessica

Jessica.... I couldn't help but think when I read your response that weight loss is not just about the outside but the inside work as well. I hear alot of self-doubt and criticism in your response. So I am writing to hopefully give you a different perspective. First, there are so many lesbians out there who are parents and had past husbands that it isn't even funny! Of course you did what you thought was right... and then realized that it wasn't for you. My partner has three children and had been married to an orthodox rabbi! Don't consider yourself less of a lesbian because it took yourself longer...we all have our stories to tell. Secondly, you are a strong woman for taking the steps necessary to be true to yourself. Including being out to your children! Why is it that we always judge ourselves the harshest?! Next, it sounds like you need a good counselor to help you figure out all your good qualities that have nothing to do with weight! You are a nurse! So am I! The occupation requires a kind, caring, and giving spirit....qualities that shine beauty! Your smile is gorgeous! And in the gay community...having been obese almost all my life...I can say that it is possible to be loved for who you are! My partner is proof as well as many of my friends. I am sorry if this sounds like a sermon. I just hear some pain and sef-doubt in your response and wanted so much to keep encouraging you, to implore you to be good to yourself, and learn to love the inside....because the outside IS going to change...and that won't necessarily be the key to your happiness. Good luck with your surgery! Feel free to contact me if you would like for support or whatever! God bless... Anna

What a great ! I am out and have been since the age of 22 I think (am 41 now). I attended an all-women's college and never ever considered that I was a lesbian....just thought I had alot of close friends! What a naive thing I was! Anyway, I was a high school teacher as well in a private school and decided that I was not going to live my life in the closet...I left teaching and got a nursing degree and haven't looked back! Almost everyone I know, that I care about, knows that I had the surgery. The support has been great overall and I have been able to educate some people. Of course some were fearful of the horror stories but I was able to handle most of that. I had a lap RNY on 3/15 and have lost 25 lbs so far...feeling great and looking even better! My partner and I are learning new things about ourselves in this journey and I am so blessed to have her support and love. Thanks for the ! Anna

This is so terrific - I post to the CA board and the over 50's board. Jessica - you are beautiful, please remember that. It's what's inside that counts. Any lesbians that you'd want to know will feel that way. I have a wonderfully supportive partner for the last 12 1/2 years and my weight is totally irrelevant to her. She loves every inch and every pound. I had surgery last Monday and she didn't leave the hospital until I was discharged on Friday. I am very out and proud and have been active in the GLBT community as long as I can remember. We moved from MN to Palm Springs last July so we don't know as many people here as we did in MN but I'm a member of the Pride Board. I have been coming out about the surgery to all I am in contact with - I had debated telling my brothers (my sister is a psychologist who is spectacular support) but decided to at the last minute as they would never forgive me if anything happened to me and I hadn't let them know. One brother was wonderful, one "eh" - but that's how they are in general. Good luck all you pre-ops - I am very happy to be on the other side. Ruth Debra

I haven't been very active on message boards, but I thought I'd give this one a try. Great topic by the way! 1) Yes, I'm as out as I can be to everyone I know. I sing with the Orlando Gay Chorus and have been very active in the local GLBT community. 2) Yes, I was very vocal about my wanting the surgery. Everyone was on my side (except Cigna LOL) Alas, I have since lost my insurance, and am now on disability, so the hope of having the surgery has gone bye-bye. Jessica, thank you so much for contacting me. I'd been pretty depressed lately and it was nice to hear from such a nice person. And hey...I'm single too! Pattie

Pattie, I am on disability and Medicare paid for my surgery. Medicare does not require pre-authorization if you are at least 100 pounds overweight or a BMI of 40 or better. Being on disability for two years makes you eligiable for Medicare. When you got on disability, they should have back dated your file to the day you first became disabled, not necessarily when you applied. When I was approved for disability (which took a year), they went back that year plus the previous year that I did not work and back payed me for those two years. Right after that, I was eligible for Medicare and immediately found a surgeon to do the surgery. I wish you the best of luck! Gregg

Hi Gregg, thanks for responding. Unfortunately, my situation is different. I'm on corporate disability, not Social Security disability. I'm in process of trying to get approved for SSD. I've already been turned down once and am in the appeal stages. So far, it's taken 6 months just to get turned down the first time, so I guess it's a lengthy process. I'll keep you guys posted though!! I'm still optomistic.

Pattie, I'm glad you're optimistic. It took me a year and one denial to get through SSD. The good part was finally getting approved and getting paid back to the day my disability started. It seemed like the longest wait of my life, but it was worth it. I don't know what I would do without it. We were practically starving and it came through just in time. Good luck to you and I wish you the best. Things WILL work out. Gregg

Hi there - -I'm new here and wanted so answer these questions. Am I out -- YES About Surgery - YES Is there a story to tell -- YES! . .LOL I have been overweight all my life . .OK -- that's the polite way to put it -- I've been fat. Well -- who knows why or why not. Grew up pretty lonely with only sisters around me. A pretty stressful home life, poverty, drugs, that kind of neighborhood. So . . .I think I ate just to not deal with what was on the outside. I realized I had same sex tendencies early on . .but I was so fat that I pretty soon brushed it off along with sex all together. I dated a bit -- but never attempted physical contact with women. Never dated men. I had close friends guy friends and realized I was more in love than wanted to be a budy. But I was fat -- 350 out of high school and a whopping 565 at my highest. Before my surgery I was engaged twice . .what was I thinkin'! I got married a month after my surgery. I don't know why. I got a divorce soon after I started losing weight and started gaining control of my life. She didn't like that at all! So that left me wide open to experience life. SO yeah - at 29 I started my adolescence. I dated women once or twice and, through some help from some new friends, realized I was dating the wrong sex. So I came out to those around me. I lived hundreds of miles away from where I started my journey and it was nice to do this under that cloud cover. I don't know -- it seems that my fat covered up more than my loneliness. I think it covered up ME. Shedding the weight most definately opened me up to myself. The good thing about being older and going through this . . .I didn't make all the stupid mistakes. I had a good head on my shoulders and kept it there even when I wanted to "experience" life in every way. I am now dating the man that I hope to grow old with. We are perfect for each other. I am down to my goal weight after a 330lb weight loss. Now about Surgery - Oh I told everyone! Why - because I was not the loser I pictured myself to be and I wanted everyone to know that I was grabbing the bull by the horns. It wasn't until I was well over 500lbs that I finally got on any kind of medical insurance. So -- now that I had the ability to take care of myself I took full advantage. I have had 4 surgeries in the past two years. My RNY -- A panneculectomy, A tummy tuck, and an emergency repair of the tummy tuck. I feel great. Now I'm just trying to be patient as I save money to have my hugs arms and my huge chest (ladies, how do you deal witht he flattened boobs . . I'd be OK if I did drag .. . hmmm -- no, I'm not that talented . .LOL). Anyway that's me -- sorry to write a novel. I hope to be able to join in more now that I found you all - Jesse