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Hi everyone, I hope this board gets chattier. Ive got a lot of questions for you all, especially the ladies. I am 18 days post op, open RNY, and have lost about 23# so far. I am married and live in southern California. So far, no real complications. I did try to pick up my cat the other day, which was a big mistake. (*note to self, cat weighs more than 10#, leave him on the floor). I have been sore since and more tired than I had been. My partner decided to get on the weight loss bandwagon when I had my surgery and has lost like 12# already. Shes out bike riding, which I hope to be doing with her after the next few weeks. Anyway, one of my questions is this. Do you think that obesity in lesbians is related to the coming out process? I think it would be interesting to study that. I was just wondering what your views were. I think it definitely had to do with mine. I'll elaborate more if anyone wants to discuss this topic. -Donna

I became obese as a child at the tender age of 6 or so and never have been at a reasonable weight unless drastic dieting was undertaken. I was on a liquid diet at the age of 16 and I will never forget how my family was on vacation at a cabin at the state park that summer. A young man took an interest in me and we went swimming and the like. My mom hauled my in from vacation to see my doctor and he told me that I could start eating some regular food and that he hoped I would keep the weight off. My mother told him that she thought I would because I found a boyfriend now. I will never forget how that made me feel...angry, hurt, not good enough. I am glad that now at the age of 41....and a lesbian! ....that I have undergone the surgery and am on my way to weight loss. Feelings of worthlessness and self-hatred can come about for all sorts of reasons and I do agree that coming out might add to that....but my whole life was a vicious circle of that...and it is nice to begin to break that circle.

Hi Donna, Welcome and congrats to you! Glad to see you've had no complications. I hear ya about the cats, we have four and one of them loves to jump on me in the middle of the night just to see the reaction I think! We're a little concerned about him doing that, but hate to shut him out of the bedroom. You know how persistent cats are... Interesting question you pose. For me I would have to say no, the coming out process didn't have a detrimental effect on my weight. I think the relationships themselves are what contributed to my obesity. What I mean is that we often use food as a reward, as a way to communicate, as a way to get together, etc...(I'm speaking only for myself and my partner(s) over the years). Of course there are my own eating demons and between those two things my weight increased tremendously. I'm in no way trying to blame the relationships for my obesity. It's my responsibility what I choose to eat, but the relationships, and my part in them, provided more unhealthy eating opportunities then I would have had on my own. Does that make sense? And don't forget about genetics...! Well, continued success to you. I'm three weeks away from my surgery and can't wait to get there. Hope your tiredness and soreness resolve soon. Take care, Chari

Hello again, I guess what I wanted to more accurately say was that for me, I think that being in the closet, not coming out, had something to do with my weight gain. I was heavy as a child though, and somehow got thinner for most of high school. The weight came back and forth through college, but really piled on once I seriously was fighting with myself about being gay. I really hid behind food, found it a comfort, friend, etc. Interestingly enough though, I didn't lose it once I came out and became comfortable with my life. I became ok with my weight too I guess. Actually, that kind of blows my theory, as I'd think that once out of the closet the weight would come off easier. I guess I'd just learned bad habits and kept them. My mom has this theory that when you find love you start to lose the weight because you have other things to fill up those "voids". I agreed somewhat, but I dont think that lasts. Im still in love and got heavier anyway. Who knows. -Donna

Hi Donna, Welcome. I would also caution you to keep your tummy protected by a pillow or something if your furry child decides to walk across you. Well maybe yours is better behaved than mine. My boy thinks I am furniture I think. My girl is just a cuddle bunny and wants to be close. You can see them both if you go to my profile and click on the link to my picturetrail at the top left. Congrats to you and your partner on losing together. I think food can be a comfort in our young years which is the very time that many are dealing with their feelings of being gay. Ann

Wow! Now that's not something I'd entertained.... I should have, though. It's the story of my life! I went through 25 years of not being true to myself. And when it occurred to me that my passion was for women and not for men, I don't think my weight flunctuated, but before that it just kept creeping up as I stuffed my feelings... Hmm. Thought provoking, to say the least. I'd love for you to elaborate more on this subject. I'll do the same. Email me anytime at [email protected] Jessica