waiting is so hard and drains the joy

I thought that my file had been sent to medicaid on Friday, but was informed today that it was just sent today (on the call that I made to see if they heard anything back yet).  I have waited 6 months, so you would think that a couple more weeks would be a piece of low-fat, calorie free cake.  Nope.  It sucks!  AND  I know that last week the doctor was scheduling out to middle of February, so who knows how long I will be scheduled out!  *sigh*  I am reading all these posts from people that they heard back from insurance within days and are going into surgery the beginning of January, and they make me so angry (not really, I like to hear other people's happy stories, but want to write my own happy story).  Feeling very down.  I hate this time of year!  I hate my family, so this time of year reminds me of what I don't have.  Ok, now I am just whining.  

Here is a thought that does not involve whining:

I have never been thin.  My whole life has been overweight to morbidly obese.  It is all I know.  What if I am still over weight after the sleeve?   I mean, what if I am just not meant to be thin, ever?  When I met the doc the first time he asked me what brought me in, and my answer was because my doctor referred me.  He seemed pretty annoyed by the answer at the time, but it is very comical to me now.  I suppose he was looking for my fat story, but I don't have one.  I didn't gain weight after puberty or having a kid.  I started life fat.  If I do make it to "skinny", will it mess with my head?  Will I ever overcome the fat girl in my head?

Thanks for listening to me whine about waiting...and weighting

I think everyone fears the "what if this doesn't work for me" which is why we see so many people 2-4 weeks out saying "I haven't lost any weight in a week am I done loosing?"

Will it be a head trip...YES, will it take time to get over the "fat gilr" inside...YES... will you need pictures to see that any changes have happend at all..YES... but you will not be the first or last person that will ask these questions, or struggle seeing the actual you in the mirror.....  But you have to trust in the process, and trust in your ability to make it all work.

:) you will do this, you will feel and look great, you will rock it .... because you can!

Juls

I agree with the last post. Everyone has these same fears. That's why most programs offer counseling. It's worth taking it. I had to wait over six months to get my band. Just don't put your life on hold till you "date" comes up. Take this time to journal, hang out on these boards, develop whatever spirituality makes sense to you and enjoy the season.

Good wishes,

Connie