My partner thinks I will leave her once I am thin! Sigh!

My GF, def has some self confidence issues...I love her to death but she is SOOOO nervous about this surgery, she's driving me nuts. No matter how much I re-assure her, she still thinks I will "get thin and go wild" or something. I don't know...She likes big girls...maybe she won't like me after all is said and done. Guess I am nervous too. (She's 5'4" 175 btw)

EEK...anybody else dealing with this?

-C

Not sure I can be of much assurance here.....

My partner and I did separate about 18 months after my surgery.  While the surgery was by no means the only factor, probably not even the major factor, it was a factor.  If you truly want your relationship to work, I would suggest you start going to some couples counseling NOW.  Don't wait until after the surgery.

Start the process of working through whatever issues the two of you have before adding another MAJOR issue.  It is impossible to explain how many compliments and comments you will begin receiving after the surgery.  If there is any jealousy there already, it will only get enflamed by the surge of positive reinforcement you will receive from others.  People will look at you differently.  People who never would have given you the time of day before will start talking to you.  You will gain a new level of confidence and security in who you are.  People will be attracted to you.

The surgery is great, but it can take its toll if there is a rocky foundation to start from.  Make sure you are building on a positive relationship or there may be issues down the road that you never even thought about.

As for me and my ex-partner, I am confident our separation was the right thing for both of us, but the water was very cloudy for a while, due somewhat to the surgery.

Merry Christmas - Michael

I think the surgery kind of has a way of intensifying whatever is already there. So, if she is insecure, that may get worse. I agree with the post above regarding couples therapy. Losing 75+ lbs has been the BEST thing for my relationship BUT my partner and I have been together 11yrs, very secure and she is tiny at 5'2" 120lbs, so not insecure about my losing weight. Hell, she says it's the best thing ever, like having a new woman. LOL. Good luck to you. I hope you can get it resolved because this journey can screw with your head and really makes you "peel back the layers" of yourself. You will need support and stability at home. If your partner has healthy love for you, she will want to help you become your best you.

Well, you're right to be concerned - your girlfriend likes big girls... so what do you think will happen when you're not big?  Is is still going to be sexually attracted to you?  I was with a guy once that was only into big guys, and while we had broken up before I thought about surgery, he's let me know since the surgery that he's no longer attracted to me because of my size.

Knowing a little about how human work, your girlfriend is probably unconsciously, and to some extent, consciously, worried about how your weight loss is going to affect the relationship.  If dealing with this in an indirect fashion, it often manifests as projection - which is why your girlfriend is saying you would get thin and leave.  When we are full of fear and don't acknowledge it, it's easier to look at potential issues or problem in another person rather than in ourselves.  

Like mmcgee said, you guys need to talk about it now, not later.  Have a candid discussion with her now if she honestly thinks she can deal with the physical aspect of your relationship when you hit a healthy BMI.

I really recommend you read this book:  Obesity Surgery:  Stories of Altered Lives.  It talks about the mental changes, both expected and unexpected that result from WLS, including the ending of some relationships.

Good luck to you.