Just Venting

Just venting right now….I am about a year and a few months post Gastric Bypass. Best decision I have ever made to do the surgery. But I am starting to gain some weight back. Went from 320 down to about 200 but I am at 213 right now. Falling into old patters and stomach “guard rails” have gone away. I can now eat almost everything again, all be it smaller portions than usual, but still I am scared to death. It feels like I put all the weight back on, even though it has been 13lbs. To add to it, I have been depressed and not exercising like I should be, so serious motivation issues are creeping up too. I feel like a failure.  I have been having issues with my partner. She and I have been together for a very very long time, not close to my family so she has been the only family I have had, and she has been super supportive so I feel like a total jerk for doubting our relationship and I am embarrassed about it. I am feeling like things have changed and starting to think that the reason why I went up to 320 lbs. was because I was unhappy. Ugh, I feel like a real mess and not sure what to do. I keep trying to get back on track but I live in a very isolated area; not many LGBT people at the support group I have access to and do not have a large LGBT community in my area; plus everyone who knows me knows my partner too. I know I have to sort through all of this, I just don’t want to gain the weight back, but I can feel like I am shutting down again – in front of the TV and using food for comfort. Anyway…just venting – thanks for letting me ramble on and getting this out! – Xico

Sorry to hear about your struggles - sending positive energy your way.

13 pounds is not all 120 that you lost.  Have no fear about that.  I know you know that intellectually, but you need to know it emotionally as well.  Most of us have 10 lbs on either side of goal that we play with.  

If you are like me, you got to your heavy weight because of a warped relationship with food.  I found that whenever I was stressed or unhappy or Lonely, that I turned to food for comfort.  I would make dates with food.  As I hit maintenance and sand winter and the Holidays I found some of those old habits trying to creep back in.  The trick for me is not to try and out-will or overpower them but to accept them and look into my own motivations - what am I really feeling and how should I deal with those feelings without turning to food.

If I am too exhausted or emotional to rationally deal with my emotions then I just avoid - I redirect the impulse to eat into something else; walking, writing, etc.  Even just going somewhere to get my mind off the craving.

 

I hope this helps and you completely visualize the tremendous success that you are!

 

 

 

Hi rhearob, I want to really thank you for the great post back. I guess we all have our momentary lapses. I have begun to get back on an eating and gym routine; I won’t lie, it is not easy but working through the emotion is something I am determined to do. Trying to connect with more GLBT folks has been hard but I continue to seek them out to help with the isolation issue I have been feeling. I also had a good conversation with my partner about what was going on and it was a good talk. I am seeking for things that I may be able to redirect with as you suggested. It is funny that I need to kind of find what I have passion for again… for such a long time my motivation and passion was tied into food at a very visceral level!! I really appreciate the good energy you sent my way, and thank you again for taking the time to reply – it meant a lot for sure! – Xico  

Xico,
Awareness is the key to keeping the weight off. I weigh myself quite regularly to keep myself honest..believe me for many reasons I fall into old habits...briefly!!! And become aware and reel it in. Have you thought about therapy for yourself??? I have been in therapy for 5 years...it was part of a weight loss program I became part of....and she actually would not give her blessing for my bypass when I originally wanted it because I had emotional work to tackle....at first I was angry..but retrospectively I am so grateful for her help...I am successful because I did that work. I struggle everyday with food choicesandemotional eating...but I always get back on track within 5 lbs....
Just a thought....hope it helps some...
Stay aware!!!!
Julie