The emotional side
A question for those who have gone before: how bad was the emotional/ mental strain of not being able to use food as a coping mechanism after surgery?
My partner has expressed a fear that I'm going to be an emotional train wreck when I can't eat my emotions any more. His concern made me wonder... What was that like for you?
My partner has expressed a fear that I'm going to be an emotional train wreck when I can't eat my emotions any more. His concern made me wonder... What was that like for you?
It was painful.
To start getting ahold of my real motives for eating, I had to go back and face some real pain from my past.
I wouldn't trade a minute of that pain for not having dealt with it. I had to learn to deal with my emotions to become healthy, not only pysically but mentally. You may be a train wreck for a while. The good thing is that in the long term you will be better balanced.
Also, I know where you are going - you have amazing resources to help you deal and develop strategies. The Psychological led support groups by Dr. Ihrig and Dr. Livegood are awesome. Kathy's support group is awesome. Make use of all of those. If you can also do some private counseling thats good. I am starting to see Dr. Livengood privately as well as in group.
To start getting ahold of my real motives for eating, I had to go back and face some real pain from my past.
I wouldn't trade a minute of that pain for not having dealt with it. I had to learn to deal with my emotions to become healthy, not only pysically but mentally. You may be a train wreck for a while. The good thing is that in the long term you will be better balanced.
Also, I know where you are going - you have amazing resources to help you deal and develop strategies. The Psychological led support groups by Dr. Ihrig and Dr. Livegood are awesome. Kathy's support group is awesome. Make use of all of those. If you can also do some private counseling thats good. I am starting to see Dr. Livengood privately as well as in group.
_____________________________________________________________________
160 lbs lost. Surgeons Goal Reached in 33 weeks. My Goal in 37 Weeks.
VSG: 11/2/2011; LBL+Thigh Lift+BL: 10/3/2012; Brach+Mastopexy: 7/22/2013
You just show up.
The nashville Main group meets the second tuesday of every month at 6 PM. That is a regular support group hosted by Kathy Hungerford, an 8 year vet and an amazing resource. I try to never miss this group.
Dr. Janice Livengood hosts two groups. An open forum group on the 2nd Monday of every month and a structured topic-tools group on the 3rd Monday. Both at 6PM as well. I usually will attend the latter group but will attend both if I am in town.
There are many other groups that meet. Dr. Charles Ihrig hosts similar psychologist led groups, but they meet during the day and its often too hard for me to get to his since I don't work downtown. I hear good things about his groups as well.
The groups are open to you pre-op and you are encouraged to attend. Attending at least one group meeting is mandatory before scheduling your surgery.
The nashville Main group meets the second tuesday of every month at 6 PM. That is a regular support group hosted by Kathy Hungerford, an 8 year vet and an amazing resource. I try to never miss this group.
Dr. Janice Livengood hosts two groups. An open forum group on the 2nd Monday of every month and a structured topic-tools group on the 3rd Monday. Both at 6PM as well. I usually will attend the latter group but will attend both if I am in town.
There are many other groups that meet. Dr. Charles Ihrig hosts similar psychologist led groups, but they meet during the day and its often too hard for me to get to his since I don't work downtown. I hear good things about his groups as well.
The groups are open to you pre-op and you are encouraged to attend. Attending at least one group meeting is mandatory before scheduling your surgery.
_____________________________________________________________________
160 lbs lost. Surgeons Goal Reached in 33 weeks. My Goal in 37 Weeks.
VSG: 11/2/2011; LBL+Thigh Lift+BL: 10/3/2012; Brach+Mastopexy: 7/22/2013
I will share the one tool that Dr. Livengood gave us in group that has been extremely helpful to me and my own journey. She calls it "feel and Deal". When you want to eat, stop and let yourself feel whatever you are feeling before going to eat. I couple this with the five - why method from root cause analysis. My internal conversation mught go something like this:
I want to go eat, Why?
I'm Hungry.
You just ate an hour ago, you arent physically hungry. Why?
I'm Bored.
You have plenty of work to do, you could go for a wlak, Why are you bored?
So forth and so on. Keep asking yourself why. Usually in 5 steps you will get to whats going on. Once you understand what really motivates you to want to eat, you can develop strategies for dealing with that. My strategies usually take a few forms:
1. Redirection - rewire that impulse to eat into something else, sipping on water, doing bicep curls or chest presses, anything other than eating
2. Avoidance - Get yourself out of the situation where you want to eat. I found that I eat when I am alone, out of loneliness. When I find myself alone and wanting to eat I go for a walk or call people, or sometimes jump on here and post.
3. Dealing - this is uasually the most mature of my responses. I learn to acknowledge my feelings and deal with them as they really are. On my journey I have also learned that I eat when I feel deprived. I am a huge fan of instant gratification. When I don't get what I want now, I get stressed and turn to what I can to satisfy that need. Food is an easy thing for instant gratification. I have developed tools for figuring out when I am doing that, and techniques for reminding mysellf that I am not being deprived of anything, but value what I do have.
This has been really powerful for me. Also, I have begun writing journals and blogs. I write down the things what I am feeling and just let the thoughts flow. Just putting it on paper helps recognize things that you may not want to face mentally.
I want to go eat, Why?
I'm Hungry.
You just ate an hour ago, you arent physically hungry. Why?
I'm Bored.
You have plenty of work to do, you could go for a wlak, Why are you bored?
So forth and so on. Keep asking yourself why. Usually in 5 steps you will get to whats going on. Once you understand what really motivates you to want to eat, you can develop strategies for dealing with that. My strategies usually take a few forms:
1. Redirection - rewire that impulse to eat into something else, sipping on water, doing bicep curls or chest presses, anything other than eating
2. Avoidance - Get yourself out of the situation where you want to eat. I found that I eat when I am alone, out of loneliness. When I find myself alone and wanting to eat I go for a walk or call people, or sometimes jump on here and post.
3. Dealing - this is uasually the most mature of my responses. I learn to acknowledge my feelings and deal with them as they really are. On my journey I have also learned that I eat when I feel deprived. I am a huge fan of instant gratification. When I don't get what I want now, I get stressed and turn to what I can to satisfy that need. Food is an easy thing for instant gratification. I have developed tools for figuring out when I am doing that, and techniques for reminding mysellf that I am not being deprived of anything, but value what I do have.
This has been really powerful for me. Also, I have begun writing journals and blogs. I write down the things what I am feeling and just let the thoughts flow. Just putting it on paper helps recognize things that you may not want to face mentally.
_____________________________________________________________________
160 lbs lost. Surgeons Goal Reached in 33 weeks. My Goal in 37 Weeks.
VSG: 11/2/2011; LBL+Thigh Lift+BL: 10/3/2012; Brach+Mastopexy: 7/22/2013
I would encourage you to attend the groups also. It is very helpful. Being able to talk to others dealing with feelings gives lots of ideas on how to deal with them. Even now, when you are aware of eating to deal with certain feelings, you could wait 30 minutes or an hour and see what the feelings are like. You may find you already have the tools and just haven't been using them!
Connie
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/gay_lesbian_bisexual_transgender/
I may be too late to be of use, but I'm going to give it a go anyway.
Addictions in general are something we call mal-adaptive coping skills. What that means is, essentially, we are either unable or unwililng to address (cope with) the emotions and experiences we encounter, and so we distract ourselves with some substance or action... for some people it's gambling or sex, for others heroin, meth, or food. The common denominator in all of these addictions is that there are real and meaningful chemical changes in the brain in response to the experience. A heroin or meth addict may feel remarkably depressed after withdrawal because one of the pleasure chemicals in the brain (dopamine) isn't there in such high amounts. Even though it might be there in "normal" amounts, they've been sort of desensitized to the effect of the "normal" amount because of the overload.
Some reasearch has linked a food addiction to dopamine receptors and release as well. One thing of particular interest is that often with food addicts, the anticipation of the food results in more significant neurochemical modifications than does the actual consumption. I, for example, absolutely completely and totally love ice cream. I don't eat it anymore because I know what it's doing to my body... but just thinking about it makes my mouth water. Eating it, though, just makes me feel sort of like a bloated cow.
For those concerned about post-operative emotional experiences, I would very highly recommend professional counseling. It can help greatly in identifying those emotions we're sort of stuffing down with food that we are likely to encounter when we don't have that option anymore, and help to prepare us with tools to effectively address those experiences. Support groups are helpful and provide a sense of belonging, but support groups can only do so much... emotion isn't an external experience and, so while having others who have or are experiencing the same thing is very validating, it is not necessarily going to provide you with the skills to proactively address what you are likely to experience.
A lot of people post-operative turn to exercise... it's an absolutely remarkable coping skill - it releases lots of feel-good chemicals in our bodies, improves our health, facilitates social integration, and does a host of other things... but even excercise can become an unhealthy addiction if we rely upon it solely to address the emotions. We can't run from our feelings... we carry them inside, so no matter how far or how long we run or bike, they're right there with us - waiting for us to stop. Facing them and making peace with them is the most effective way to ensure that what your partner worries about doesn't destroy your relationship or result in surgical failure because of regain of weight.
Addictions in general are something we call mal-adaptive coping skills. What that means is, essentially, we are either unable or unwililng to address (cope with) the emotions and experiences we encounter, and so we distract ourselves with some substance or action... for some people it's gambling or sex, for others heroin, meth, or food. The common denominator in all of these addictions is that there are real and meaningful chemical changes in the brain in response to the experience. A heroin or meth addict may feel remarkably depressed after withdrawal because one of the pleasure chemicals in the brain (dopamine) isn't there in such high amounts. Even though it might be there in "normal" amounts, they've been sort of desensitized to the effect of the "normal" amount because of the overload.
Some reasearch has linked a food addiction to dopamine receptors and release as well. One thing of particular interest is that often with food addicts, the anticipation of the food results in more significant neurochemical modifications than does the actual consumption. I, for example, absolutely completely and totally love ice cream. I don't eat it anymore because I know what it's doing to my body... but just thinking about it makes my mouth water. Eating it, though, just makes me feel sort of like a bloated cow.
For those concerned about post-operative emotional experiences, I would very highly recommend professional counseling. It can help greatly in identifying those emotions we're sort of stuffing down with food that we are likely to encounter when we don't have that option anymore, and help to prepare us with tools to effectively address those experiences. Support groups are helpful and provide a sense of belonging, but support groups can only do so much... emotion isn't an external experience and, so while having others who have or are experiencing the same thing is very validating, it is not necessarily going to provide you with the skills to proactively address what you are likely to experience.
A lot of people post-operative turn to exercise... it's an absolutely remarkable coping skill - it releases lots of feel-good chemicals in our bodies, improves our health, facilitates social integration, and does a host of other things... but even excercise can become an unhealthy addiction if we rely upon it solely to address the emotions. We can't run from our feelings... we carry them inside, so no matter how far or how long we run or bike, they're right there with us - waiting for us to stop. Facing them and making peace with them is the most effective way to ensure that what your partner worries about doesn't destroy your relationship or result in surgical failure because of regain of weight.
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