Healing from an abusive relationship

For my FB friends... please keep this on the DL.

Yes... I finally grew some and ended my 14 year abusive relationship.  NOW WHAT????

Seriously... I haven't been single in years and it blows my mind some of the things I see.

-Guys wanting to hook up, but they have a boyfriend
-Guys wanting unprotected sex
-Mind Games

Oh I don't miss this!

besides bars, and A4A and Bear411... where is the hope of finding someone.  And no... I have a lot of healing to do.  I don't want a rebound boy.  I do want a good friend.. a "good" friend would be even better (lord I forget what "good friendship" in and out of the sheets is like)

I went to the library the other day for resources... everything was either to religious or too (and forgive for saying this... I don't mean it that way...) but too straight.  I need something focused more on gay men.  Although... I did forget how much fun flirting was... even with "straight" guys who flirt back lol

For those who don't know me...  I had my RNY 3 years ago and I'm down about 250 lbs.  I haven't been active on the boards due to school... 9 more weeks and I'll have my BS in software engineering.  My graduation gift will be a phoenix tatoo... just need to decide where and what design.

Tony, Congrats on taking that step! I know its a scarey world out there after being partnered all that time. I wish I had some resources to offer but Im pretty much coming up Nil on that. I get the same thing about hooking up and etc and I make it known that Im not looking for a thing! Man I wish I could offer some help but since I cant Ill offer my encouragement and support if you ever need it, Good Luck!

Oh man...i hate to hear this...but i gotta say...welcome to the new single world...i've been single for over a year now after my bf was one of those you mentioned who was seeking other men behind my back...made me feel disgusting and a year later i'm still perplexed at the non-relationship minded individuals in the community.

I'll just send out wishful prayers for us all to find happiness with someone who loves us back equally!

Sorry to hear that the relationship was so bad, Tony. But good for you for ending it.  the dating scene can be challenging for sure.  Just hold your head up and be proud of who you are.  You're an awesome guy who deserves nothing but the best!

congrats sweetie, I to was in abusive relationship years ago I left when she choke me until I pass out for  days I could not eat because sollowing hurt so much. until someone been threw it only then can you understand why a person stays but am so happy for you that you walked away take care and smile god bless

Tony, congrats on your fantastic weight loss and upcoming graduation. Both are wonderful achievements.

I'm also impressed that with everything going on in your life you've also addressed the relationship issue. Leaving an abusive relationship is very difficult and I'm sure you're probably on an emotional rollercoaster.

I know you haven't been single in years and the thoughts of dating are probably overwhelming right now. So, is there any reason you have to address the dating / relationship issue right now?

Seems to me that you have a full plate with your immediate school goal and after-school changes. Personally, I find I only get myself in trouble when I try to process too many changes at the same time.

I've been single for quite some time. And, for me, I'm very comfortable with that. I have a group of close friends and really don't miss the dating scene.

But, I'd recommend that you focus on your personal needs and pursue those interests that have been put on hold during school. If you enjoy hiking or the outdoors, get involved in social groups / organizations that focus on those things (even if they are not gay-related groups). If you're more arts-oriented, then perhaps volunteer in the art community. I'm a firm believer that in the processs of living life, you'll find people and develop friendships with similar-minded people. And, you may just find a relationship when doing what you like.

Best of luck with everything and let us know how things area going.

Congratulations on your achievements! And that includes that "new pair" you just grew. I have been single for almost 9 months after being in a relationship for 18 years. Yeah, women are different beasts entirely, but I think the key for anyone who is newly single (male, female, gay, straight, you name it) is to do what YOU enjoy doing. Sports, clubs, activities you've thought might be fun but couldn't do when you were in a relationship. Don't worry about finding someone new. You need time for your heart and your head to heal. The rebound stuff just isn't worth it. And, if you take care of yourself, in the process you are bound to meet others who will be good friends -- and maybe more, as time progresses! Make yourself priority #1 right now. Celebrate that degree and get that tattoo! Then go have fun!

Well, my dear friend, you can always spend some time with some of your straight friends that you haven't seen in ages, LOL! 

Gay or straight, the world of dating is no fun these days. I think, though, that you will find yourself much happier once you have had some time to heal.  You deserve a man who will cherish you.

Lora

I'm glad you got out of your abusive relationship. 14 years is a long time.
My advice is to not rush things. You may want to do some introspection and find out why you took the abuse for so long.

Don't be a man who "needs a man"  be a man that every man needs Take some time and work on yourself.

All the best to you

-Yvonne