It´s a journey

Almost 2 years out - and have almost achieved my weight loss goals - I have gone down from 307 to 192 pounds and I am still loosing weight slowly. I think a goal weight around 180 would be really fine.

I had a complication this summer - internal hernia - that was very painful and required surgery - but other than that there has only been the usual adjustements needed - I do not tolerate much sugar, because of dumping - but that keeps the servings of any sweets and desserts tiny - which is fine.

I have very little loose skin - and I think the scarring from a tummy tuck - would be worse than to live with the little amount of loose skin I have - around my midsection. I will wait and see.

One thing I did not expect was that I was going to have an alchohol problem - Perhaps the surgery changed the way I absorbed alchoholic beverages - but I found myself drinking way too much to cope with anxiety and stress - And since I could not turn to food - I drank more and had to totally quit.

I also imagined that loosing weight would made me more outgoing - but that has not happened! I am still introvert - single and not looking/dating. I am content about being single - I had a great love -but I lost him to suicide - and since then I have never met another soulmate.

While I'm not an RNY patient, what I've read about is that the surgery definitely affects how you process alcohol - it makes you absorb it faster and better!  That's why a lot of people caution others to look out for "transferrance syndrome", especially towards alcohol.  Sometimes we feed ourselves food to feed our emotions, and if you can't do that with food, you turn to other things.  For WLS patient, it's most often transferred to alcohol, shopping, and sex.

There's also a difference between being outgoing and dating; it sounds like you're still grieving and not ready to meet others for dating.  But are you going out and getting some social time?  Are you sitting at home alone all week?

I also want to congratualate you for successfully losing weight AND getting through a painful hernia situation!

Thanks Ruggie - I am very happy that I had WLS - it was the right decision and I can do everything I want  - can run 45 min without my knees hurting and walk and hike all day ... and the internal hernia - well just one of those things that happens - to about 1 in 20 RNY patients ...

I am sure that I used food to cope with stress and anxiety - even depression - but I still do not think of it as food addiction. Like other Morbidly obese (BMI 43) persons - I prefer to say something was not right with my appetite regualtion ...and I hardly ever felt full - I could always eat some more - now  I feel normal - I eat when I am hungry and stop since I feel full - awesome!

I do get out - not much - but I  have a circle of friends and activities like swimming, the Fitness center, my academics club - gay gardening club friends, great fishing buddies etc. in spite of some social phobias - I do go - because it matters enough to me. There is not much of a gay scene in my city (300.000 people) and I don't like going to bars anymore.

And yes I am still grieving the loss of my beautiful man  - Jacob. I am 42 and it has been 13 years and not a day goes by that I do not think of him. I grieve deeply still and it does not seem to get any better - but It has taught me a lot and have changed my life and made it even more precious - the autumn colours and the sun and beauty of the forrest today - was so intense and I saw it all and sucked the ray of lights in - before winter comes.But the grief - never seems to leave - and I have learned to live with that. There are also some advantages of being single - it gives me freedom to do what I want!

I just imagined that I wanted to date and be more outgoing - when I lost weight - but like I wrote - I have not felt the need increasing ...

I focus on getting healthy and in better shape - I will not look perffect - but the best I can - with a little loose skin - and continue this journey towards better health - that WLS gave me a chance to reach.

Wow,  I don't know where to begin on your meaningful post. It has really helped me understand some things going on in my own life.

I'm just 13 months post-op after RNY and have hit (exceeded) my goal weight. I started at 310 lbs and wanted 190 lbs. But, the body seems to like 180 lbs and I'm sure not complaining. And, while I'm not overeating anymore, I have noticed that I do enjoy alchol more than before. I don't seem to get as buzzed as I did before and it helps me relax without getting drunk.

Like you, my excess skin isn't that bad. I totally agree that having reduction surgery would probably be much more painful and worse looking than the little bit of skin. And, I found that my skin is continuing to tone up and the sags are getting much better.

I also wondered if WLS would affect my dating and social life. I've had 2 failed relationships and my social life revolves around a few close friends. Even after the weight loss I just don't have the desire to start dating again. I'm honestly very comfortable being single and feel that it actually minimizes the stress in my life. If I need to stay late at work or put in some weekend time, it's not a problem. If I was in a relationship, I think it would add to my stress because I'd have to juggle personal priorities in addition to work commitments.

Thanks so much for your post. It's helped me feel much better about my personal situation and realize that things are very OK the way they are.

Niller, congrats to you for all the weight you've lost and for getting through your tough times. And, my condolences on the loss of Jacob. While it hurts to lose someone we love -- and no one will ever "take his place" -- I believe we can have more than one "soul mate" in our lives. I'm also a firm believer in the philosophy that when you don't look, you find. So keep doing what you're doing (focus on friendships, doing things you like) but don't write off love for the rest of your life. You sound like a wonderful, warm, caring, giving man who has lots to offer. One of these days when the time is right, you just might find yourself in love again!
Best of luck to you.