New to forum Please Help

Hi ..this is my first time talking in a forum..i just had my RYN done on sept 20 and i have a lot of questions and alot of different emotions going on inside .....heres where my problem lies, when I  talk to my partner she tries to understand but cant really relate. She tries to be as supportive as she can considering that she really didnt want me to have the surgery. She is still very concerened about my health and doest understand why i did this considering how sick I've been since the procedure.I try and explan that it will be ok but i know she is worried and i dont want this to pull us apart...

Hi Nay! Welcome to our Gay little corner of OH.

Some people are just fine after surgery and some like you (and me) are sick for a while. But it will be temporary and you will soon be getting your life and vigor back!

You should explain to your partner that you really need her patience right now as you are going through this rough patch, but that it's most likely quite temporary.

I was sick for about 2months, and couldn't get off the couch! I also had a very non-supportive partner, which I eventually had to break away from- but that was also due to the fact that she was a saboteur and abusive alcoholic.

Just keep focus on getting your water, vitamins, and protein, and then light exercise like walking and you will come out on the other side.

If you have any other questions...don't hesitate to ask.

Good Luck
:Danni

Thanks for the advise Danni.  I will definitely talk with her more and try to educate her more to lessen her worries.  The one thing that troubles me is that mostly everyones responses that i have read was that they let their partners go and for us that is just not an option we take our marriage very seriously ..we have 4 kids and a new grandson so us splitting the family would be a devastating end to 9 years of our life.

I am up and moving around more but i still cant seem to  eat much of anything , if you dont mind me asking did you have some complications or something that kept you on the couch for so long?

No, I didn't have any complications, surgery was just hard on my body. It effects everyone differently and it was just a challenge for me, but it was temporary!

As for the partner, I wish you luck. There are many people who stay with their partners, and lead happy lives. It can be hard work but if you love one another then you have a lot of incentive!

Welcome!

Hello! I'm with Danni on this one, give your partner some time and she will understand that your post-op sickness is just temporary. It might be a good idea to have her hop onto the OH website some time and just browse through some of the forums; she'll see that, as Danni says, surgery affects everyone differently. After a few rough spots on the road, the journey gets smoother. Now, I'm not the one to talk about relationships because I split with my partner of 18 years back in June. She was not crazy about the idea of surgery, either. BUT, we broke up for other reasons, and she has since become very supportive. I'd suggest your partner research as much as she can about your procedure, if she hasn't done so already. Take her with you on your next doc appointment, if possible, and let her ask questions. If you two really love each other and are in it for the long haul, then post-bariatric surgery is just a very, very small bump in the road and you can get past it! Best of luck to you.

 Welcome.  Hope you're up and about soon.

Nay,

Welcome! This is truly a place where you can come and share what you want with a supportive group of people. You partner's reaction is typical from my observation over the years. People do not understand WLS and are often tainted by horror stories of failure and just don';t have enough information about it.

Loved ones are indeed concerned about a person after surgery, particularly when the person is hurting or struggling after surgery. The best thing you can do is educate her and share how you are progressing as time goes on. You did have major surgery and like all other major surgeries there is a recovery time.

Soon, you will feeling better and things will be much more pleasant. She will see that. More importantly, I am sure that she will see the transformation in your life. People become more active, more engaged and happier with their life. These are things that she will notice.

So, you are on your way to a "new" you. The trip takes some time, but good things happen along the way. Keep an open dialog with her. You and her will both learn alot by listening to each others joys and concerns.

Tom

Thank you all for the great advise. Since my last post we have done nothing but talk and she read alot of profiles. So she is better educated than before and with that she has transformed, the support is awesome! As for me I feel great...I woke up sunday and it was like i was a new person ,we went out to celebrate my b-day and I been feelin great every since,  I think that really helped the situation also.  I even started a lite workout ...so for now all is well!!!