How do you cope with stress in your life...

 I went to the Bariactric Group therapy that is held monthly on the second Monday of every month. And how I wish I had been doing this all along. Oh my... things might have been much much better in all regards for me.

But it is never too late to start doing the right things, right?

Topic was STRESS

I was loathe to share my story, I have a lot of shame issues and am worried if I start sharing much I would just break down and cry. And I don't want to cry in public. Bad enough I have to cry in private these days. But it would feel like insult upon injury at this point.

My stressors are off the charts right now. I feel like a raw nerve.

I was broadsided by my partner of 5 years, suddenly she said that she could no longer do this any longer. I was shocked.  I suppose I had become very complacent, so comfortable. I did not have my guard up. I did not know I had to have my guard up with the one person on the planet that I trusted.

I thought we were in it for the long haul.

Anyhows, insights at how you cope with your stressors, be they small or large, life changing ones... like losing a ton of wt can be, actually. I would love to hear from you all. 


I know one of my biggest problems was that I had been isolating, not sharing. I had shut down. SO i am courageously sharing, as the doc  encouraged us to do on Monday. I am re-finding my voice. 

Hope to get active here and in real life, rejoin the human race. 

Di

Congratulations for taking the step of going to the group and opening up! That's tough to do. My partner and I of 18 years just mutually ended our relationship about 3 weeks ago. We both saw it coming, and had been seeing it for about the last two years, but it is never easy no matter the cir****tances. It's a big part of your life, and a major change. I thought I was doing great but it has cut me deeper than I realized.

So, how do I handle it? Venting on here, for one (I just posted my own "stress SOS" on this forum). Two, find friends you can talk to, be they gay, lesbian, straight, bi, whatever...doesn't matter as long as they can be supportive. And don't be afraid to cry. It's natural, and it does not mean you are weak. It means you are human. We've all been there, and if anyone thinks less of you for crying, they don't deserve your friendship. Finally, I notice that in the past two months or so I've really gotten into exercise as a way to take my mind off things. I call it "sanity through sweat." With this you've got the added bonus of the health/weight loss benefits, too!

Know that you will get through all of this: the breakup, the weight issues, everything. You will get stronger physically and emotionally. Focus on the positive things in your life, the things that you'll now be able to do with less weight...and the new experiences and people who will come into your life as a single woman!

Thank you for your response. I appreciate it more than you can know.

I am putting into practice much of what you suggested. And it is getting a bit better, but there are times I still slip back into some stinking thinking. I have the tools  to stop that though and am utilizing them.

Sharing with people I trust, even those I may not trust, is an act of faith on my part. I just do it. More and  more everyday. It is not always easy for me, as I am a very private person. But could see how toxic that has been for me. No man is an island, this much I do know. So I am consciously reaching out and just telling my story the best I can. Finding others that can relate. How others react, respond, that is theirs. How I respond or react is mine.

Ultimately I am taking responsibility. Not only for what occured in my relationship, but with my weightloss journey. My reclaiming of my life once lost in the mire of the obsession I have had with food. It has been a friend I used to think, that never let me down. What a bunch of poppy**** that was...

Food today is just that, food. Yes, I can sometimes revert to old behaviours, but I get back up on that horse today. I do not medicate my feelings today. Just for today, I am in the solution. So like you mentioned, I simple feel them, cry if and when I need to. And I find then, that this too shall pass. Feel it, fully and completely, not run away from those uncomfortable feelings. I  am standing my ground.

I think it is a part of really growing up. Not everyone does that. I have met folks in their 70's that have not dealt with their  issues. I do not intend that to be my story.

So today, I am proud I am taking action. I am getting up and taking care of myself on elemental levels, even when I do not want to. I am being all Nike about it...

Just do it.

my mantra...

There's a lot of stress going on around it seems.  I hope you get some relief soon.  Is there something you enjoy doing that completely takes your mind off of everything, a health escape of sorts?  I love to read and can lose myself in a good book for hours.  While going through a couple stressfult months working on my dissertation, I made myself take a couple hours out of each day to read this pleasure book.  I felt like it was taking time away from actually solving my stress issue, but it actually helps.  Do something you enjoy for yourself, even if you feel guilty doing it.  You need and deserve that!  Stay away from drinking alcohol and emotional eating though, as much as possible.  Those are boogers.  

Hugs to you...

Danny

Thank you. Yes, I am staying away from alcohol or drugs. I am eating healthy, one  day at a time. If I am gonna emotionally eat, I try to make it protein or something healthy. Or I drink water.  I only have brought healthy foods into my new home here. No processed, fake, unnatural foods. I was very odd, after surgery, artificial sweetners literally hurt my belly. I think that was a blessing in disguise. A God thing.

I have only have dropped the ball once since moving here last month, I succumbed to a bag of cheetos. It made me feel awful. I just needed the crunch and the salt, is my conclusion. And there are better choices. I happen to really love things like celery. In fact, these days, there is not a vegetable I do not like. And I have always loved my proteins. So I am lucky there.

Still not gonna beat myself up for the cheetoes either. Get knocked down 6 times, get up 7. Or whatever that saying is :)

As for reading... I just started a good book yesterday in fact. Love it. Under The Mink, by Lisa E Davis

Blackie was someone my own mother knew in NYC long long ago. It is wonderful to read about the butch femme dynamic. Somethings never do change. And to be able to discuss this with my mother is priceless.

Turning to family here, has been a bit hard for me, as I had been so very isolated within the relationship I was emmeshed in. Even writing that, I can see how toxic that was. I will not be making the same mistakes again.

Just sharing my truth here, a  huge step for me.  Sharing with my family, healing the old wounds of my family dynamic an even bigger deal. It is a gift I am giving my mother before she dies, seeing all her children getting along and remembering the love, etc.  I have found that Emotional Eating usually stems from something deep in the family dynamic, so dealing with it now, a very good thing. Ultimately it will help me to face me and my issues. Weight really is just a symptom of something much deeper, imo.

I have a good therapist, now too. Since I first posted this. I can work with her, and I intend to do the work. Also working really hard with my Physical Therapist, and am readying myself for a total knee replacement. Another big stressor, but something I am taking action about. Once I can get moving better, with good  knees, I know the wt will be much easier to address. Exercise will always have to be a part of my life, this much I do know. For me it is about finding things I enjoy doing again. A return to what I have always loved, the water. I have goals I am keeping in mind, like  SCUBA diving the Great Barrier Reef. Or simply just swimming everyday. My goal, have my own pool, so I can still enjoy the privacy I so love.

Willing to do anything it takes for my health and well being. I simply can not live and be of service to others if I do not take care of me first. Oxygen masks go on the mother first afterall, on those flights where an emergency happens.

I am facing this emergency head on.

Taking action, being gentle with myself and loving. Kind...

and kicking ass, taking names :)

sometimes the kindest thing you can do is to be cruel...  do the hard, difficult, painful stuff

and know that this too shall pass

di

Continue to share and commiserate. Like coming out of the closet, just knowing that other people are like you and have been in similar situations can be very comforting. Work things out with therapists, family, friends, and support groups. I lime to think that the faster you resolve these issues, the more ready you will be for the next person that comes along with which you decide to share your heart with.

Yes. This is not my first rodeo, as they say.

This time I am doing things very differently. And instead of wallowing in the grief and bs of the breakup sadness, I am taking action. Reaching out to people who I have known for many many years. And I am seeing miracles happen.

One very handsome butch in fact has been a huge support, and we are going to be meeting up here soon. I am a wary, but happy femme here :)

I have always known hym to be a very honest, hard working, dynamic person, who has traveled the world over. This someone that could be one of the silver linings from all this pain, this change is going to be a good thing, in the long run, I can surely see this.

I am not hiding my light under any bushels anymore.

And the very worst case scenario with this renewed friendship is just that... a solid good friend, whom I have a ton in common with. I am trying not to get my expectations up, but we have discussed all this, and we are being very adult about it all.... lol

I just know what I like and what I want in a relationship. I am no spring chicken. Life is too short to be stuck in the muck and mire of depression. I am using all the stress busters I can, that feel right for me. I am an RN and have a lot of tools in my arsenal here. This is an interdisciplinary approach to rehabbing me, my life...

I Want to Live!  'ala Susan Hayward

I am ALIVE !!!

...and as Martha Stewart, my hero says, that is a very good thing.

Closets... an interesting subject. Might even start a thread about em

I have never really been in the closet per se. Though as a femme, I hav always passed as straight. *a few times, I may have stepped into the closet, upon reflection, when I was a travel nurse in Salt Lake City, I was very scared of what the "Mormons" would say or do. I found out, from another break up, even worst than this one, that the Mormons were amazing, loving and kind for the most part, non judgemental.*

One thing we are never in the closet about, is our wt. Our issues are always out there for everyone to see.

Just an interesting observation.

I've gone through several periods of stress and I can certainly identify with your pain, frustration, and anxiety. In fact, I'm currently going through a stressful period now as I'm relocating / setting up a second home for a new work assignment.

For me, I found it's necessary to eliminate all unnecessary tasks or activities. I know you have to be careful not to isolate yourself. But, when I'm under stress I definately need more sleep. So, I go to bed early and make sure I get at least 8 hours of sleep.

I also avoid all friends or situations that create / contribute to stress. Be careful not to let people emotionally dump on you.

Group therapy is great and a step in the right direction. Best of luck and remember that stress is usually just a temporary thing.

Excellent points.

I concur, the sleep is an imperative.

And I found at first, I was taking on too much, so I had to back off and simplify... eliminating all the unneccessary tasks and activities as you suggested. Very very true for me.

This is a healing time for me, and I know it. But already I can see and feel improvements.

Early to bed, early to rise... very much what I am doing these days. Lots of long hot bathes, as that is a ritual that is  very sacred to me. A return to self care and self loving, that I had somehow forgotten along the way.

in that group therapy I went to, I had to write down just how simple it gets...


Sleep
Hydrate
Eat Healthy
Exercise


KISS, keeping it very simple these days

d