My physical therapist
Hi everyone,
Please excuse the font I had to pick one I can actually see!
Anyway, I have been driving myself absolutely crazy. I did a six-month course of PT before surgery so I could be as ready as possible. Now I am in post-op PT. MY physical therapist is great. She's kind, caring, tough when she needs to be and a genuinely sweet person. My issue: I am obsessing about her.
I typically do not like people to touch me. However that’s not realistic in this kind of treatment. It started in my first cycle. I had horrible back pain and in an attempt to straighten me out and relieve some pressure on my lower back, she ended up behind me with her arms wrapped around my shoulders. I have no idea if it was a chiropractic move or what. It did help. However, I really liked it.
In this cycle she has touched me I think just in normal conversation. Although I wish more. She had come up to speak with an intern and me and put her arm around my shoulder so I put my arm around her waist. I was just being friendly at that point.
I had to do some testing for vertigo that made me feel quite strange and nauseated. I was lying on my back on the therapy mat and put my arms out as if somehow, that would make the world spin slower. The intern was at my head holding that position and watching my eyes, as was she. Well, she held my hand. I liked that too. When the testing was over I was to sit up. She sat facing me with her left hand on the right side of my face stroking just in front of my ear. I sooo wanted to lean forward and put my head on her shoulder but decided that was a line I didn't want to cross. I asked her if she had any kids and she said no. I said that’s ok I have fur kids. I was curious and told her that I thought she was very gentle and kind.
I am afraid to say anything because I like that she is genuine and herself. I am afraid I would not be able to work with her anymore. I don't want to make her uncomfortable where she works.
I know she is married. She is older then me. I already know I have a thing for older women. And apparently for accents as well. And women who are unavailable.
I don't think her intentions were intentionally flirtatious. I just think she was being herself and enjoying her job. It makes me crazy when I get into these obsessive modes.
I know about boundaries and professionalism. I told myself that I hope I can find someone as sweet and kind as she is. I am trying to stop the spinning of how I am thinking. I also think part of it, the kind of work we do is intimate.
If she fixed my vertigo I could just kiss her! As a friend of course. DAMN morals.
I already feel better having written this down so it isn't alone in my head making chaos.
Thanks for reading
Mary ~
Please excuse the font I had to pick one I can actually see!
Anyway, I have been driving myself absolutely crazy. I did a six-month course of PT before surgery so I could be as ready as possible. Now I am in post-op PT. MY physical therapist is great. She's kind, caring, tough when she needs to be and a genuinely sweet person. My issue: I am obsessing about her.
I typically do not like people to touch me. However that’s not realistic in this kind of treatment. It started in my first cycle. I had horrible back pain and in an attempt to straighten me out and relieve some pressure on my lower back, she ended up behind me with her arms wrapped around my shoulders. I have no idea if it was a chiropractic move or what. It did help. However, I really liked it.
In this cycle she has touched me I think just in normal conversation. Although I wish more. She had come up to speak with an intern and me and put her arm around my shoulder so I put my arm around her waist. I was just being friendly at that point.
I had to do some testing for vertigo that made me feel quite strange and nauseated. I was lying on my back on the therapy mat and put my arms out as if somehow, that would make the world spin slower. The intern was at my head holding that position and watching my eyes, as was she. Well, she held my hand. I liked that too. When the testing was over I was to sit up. She sat facing me with her left hand on the right side of my face stroking just in front of my ear. I sooo wanted to lean forward and put my head on her shoulder but decided that was a line I didn't want to cross. I asked her if she had any kids and she said no. I said that’s ok I have fur kids. I was curious and told her that I thought she was very gentle and kind.
I am afraid to say anything because I like that she is genuine and herself. I am afraid I would not be able to work with her anymore. I don't want to make her uncomfortable where she works.
I know she is married. She is older then me. I already know I have a thing for older women. And apparently for accents as well. And women who are unavailable.
I don't think her intentions were intentionally flirtatious. I just think she was being herself and enjoying her job. It makes me crazy when I get into these obsessive modes.
I know about boundaries and professionalism. I told myself that I hope I can find someone as sweet and kind as she is. I am trying to stop the spinning of how I am thinking. I also think part of it, the kind of work we do is intimate.
If she fixed my vertigo I could just kiss her! As a friend of course. DAMN morals.
I already feel better having written this down so it isn't alone in my head making chaos.
Thanks for reading
Mary ~
Laugh out loud...it does a body good 
I just love the way we, human beings, think and that its amazing that we don't consider that when we relate to others.
Your note, brightened my day...
Wow, the comittee in your head has been in several all day meetings...(Thanks Danny)
Now,
You know this, you know that, you should'nt do this and you should do that... I just told you all the things you already know, lets see if that gets you through PT. Once thats done how about we find you someone, within reach, to obess over.
Have a great day
Hugs
G
Your note, brightened my day...
Wow, the comittee in your head has been in several all day meetings...(Thanks Danny)
Now,
You know this, you know that, you should'nt do this and you should do that... I just told you all the things you already know, lets see if that gets you through PT. Once thats done how about we find you someone, within reach, to obess over.
Have a great day
Hugs
G
Oh wow, can I relate! At least, about the obsessive parts and drving myself crazy trying to figure out the motive behind someone's actions. I used to be a physical therapist; I know that it was simply a natural part of the job to touch, but I'm not trying to rain on your parade. There may be something else there. But, if she is a true professional, it will not go any further (if it is going to at all****il you are discharged from her care.
I just recently left an 18-year relationship, where we had been growing apart for the last two years or so. And, I met someone who totally blew me away, whom I thought (from a mutual friend) was interested in me as well. Sadly I am finding out that's not the case. But after obsessing and trying to evaluate what she meant by every email, comment, etc. that I got from her, I finally decided to have lunch with her and tell her exactly how I felt about her. Did she say "I feel the same way" and we're now riding off into the sunset together? No. But, I got it off my chest and I was honest. I didn't play games. That's all I can do.
I would suggest that, once you are discharged from physical therapy, ask her to lunch or for a drink, etc...and tell her what you're feeling. Who knows, in your case it may be mutual. And even if it isn't, you've been honest and up front with her. That quality in a person is so hard to find these days!
Best of luck to you, and you will be in my thoughts.
I just recently left an 18-year relationship, where we had been growing apart for the last two years or so. And, I met someone who totally blew me away, whom I thought (from a mutual friend) was interested in me as well. Sadly I am finding out that's not the case. But after obsessing and trying to evaluate what she meant by every email, comment, etc. that I got from her, I finally decided to have lunch with her and tell her exactly how I felt about her. Did she say "I feel the same way" and we're now riding off into the sunset together? No. But, I got it off my chest and I was honest. I didn't play games. That's all I can do.
I would suggest that, once you are discharged from physical therapy, ask her to lunch or for a drink, etc...and tell her what you're feeling. Who knows, in your case it may be mutual. And even if it isn't, you've been honest and up front with her. That quality in a person is so hard to find these days!
Best of luck to you, and you will be in my thoughts.
Thanks everyone.
The anxiety I was having was almost too much to take. I spoke with friends and my therapist but there was no clear answer as to what to do. Last night I cried and cried because I was over thinking this whole thing. I did go to pt today. They both knew something was up just by the way I looked this morning. Exhausted and not particularly myself. I spoke with her student first. She already knew when she came back but had me tell her. She chased me, as I have a habit of beating around the bush when nervous, to just come out with it because I was feeling embarrassed and shy. So she said we are all adults, tell me. So I did.
And...the world did not implode. We talked about how I was misreading and what I think was really happening. She is just a genuinely sweet person. As she told me, "that's just me." I felt so relieved to have let the cat out of the bag so to speak. I saw her blush a bit, I had hoped she would be flattered. She said she can take it. We know the boundaries. Patient and therapist but friendly. She told me if I felt awkward we could switch. I told her the same thing. I am not as big a hedonist as it may seem here. I do care how what I do affects people, especially those I care about. I really didn't want to go off her service. I did notice that she was careful with touching today. I had told her I have a touching thing and a trust thing, both things I have allowed her to do. I don't want her to change a thing. I just wanted my mind clear.
So for pt today, I let A.T. know my feelings. I survived. We worked together and moved on. There could not have been a more positive outcome. I am truly grateful to have her in this segment of my recovery.
The anxiety I was having was almost too much to take. I spoke with friends and my therapist but there was no clear answer as to what to do. Last night I cried and cried because I was over thinking this whole thing. I did go to pt today. They both knew something was up just by the way I looked this morning. Exhausted and not particularly myself. I spoke with her student first. She already knew when she came back but had me tell her. She chased me, as I have a habit of beating around the bush when nervous, to just come out with it because I was feeling embarrassed and shy. So she said we are all adults, tell me. So I did.
And...the world did not implode. We talked about how I was misreading and what I think was really happening. She is just a genuinely sweet person. As she told me, "that's just me." I felt so relieved to have let the cat out of the bag so to speak. I saw her blush a bit, I had hoped she would be flattered. She said she can take it. We know the boundaries. Patient and therapist but friendly. She told me if I felt awkward we could switch. I told her the same thing. I am not as big a hedonist as it may seem here. I do care how what I do affects people, especially those I care about. I really didn't want to go off her service. I did notice that she was careful with touching today. I had told her I have a touching thing and a trust thing, both things I have allowed her to do. I don't want her to change a thing. I just wanted my mind clear.
So for pt today, I let A.T. know my feelings. I survived. We worked together and moved on. There could not have been a more positive outcome. I am truly grateful to have her in this segment of my recovery.
Laugh out loud...it does a body good
Good for you! Yep, it is definitely awkward -- especially when the feelings are not mutual. But now you have resolved the anxiety, the pressure, the uncertainty, and you can move on as you said. Who knows why we develop attractions to people? I sure don't, but I can't waste my time trying to analyze it. It just is. And I've decided life is too short not to tell people I care about them if I do.
There is someone out there for both of us, when we are truly ready to let them into our lives. Someone who will love and care about us no matter what we weigh, how much we earn, etc. All that superficial crap won't mean anything. For now, just let yourself heal physically and emotionally. Do the things you enjoy, with people you enjoy, and don't put pressure on yourself. Everything WILL fall into place for us!
Sending you a great big hug from ATL.
There is someone out there for both of us, when we are truly ready to let them into our lives. Someone who will love and care about us no matter what we weigh, how much we earn, etc. All that superficial crap won't mean anything. For now, just let yourself heal physically and emotionally. Do the things you enjoy, with people you enjoy, and don't put pressure on yourself. Everything WILL fall into place for us!
Sending you a great big hug from ATL.
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