Relationship Woes... (OT?)
So, today is just not a very good day. I would say I certainly feel depressed in some capacity or another (though probably not clinically). My relationship hasn't been the best, but of course I tell myself no ones is. I've also tried telling myself that everyone has bumpy patches but they get better with time, which translates to, if I ignore them they'll go away.
As of the last 2 nights, things have come to a head. I feel like I've already checked out but he insists he can change and things will be good again. Our issues are numerous and many and it's certainly not his fault. The problem is, I'm not sure either of us can really change. Sure, we can work on things, go through a honeymoon phase.. but in the end I don't know anyone who's successfully came back from feeling the way I've been feeling.
I've got an appointment to see the psych I saw for my WLS, thinking that perhaps one has to do with the other, and I think it's possible that it does. I feel like my eyes are now open, where as 150+ lbs ago the blinders that I wore due to my obesity kept me at bay, docile and a home body. Now, life is out there, I want to go - see - do! (I should tell you that he was also over weight and has lost 100+lbs in the same time frame I have so it's not as tho he's now too obese to go - do - see with me)
I hope to gain more insight next week when I see the Doc, but as of last night I tried to officially end it. He begged for more time, but I'm not sure how much longer I can put it off. I feel it's inevitable at this point.
Thoughts?
As of the last 2 nights, things have come to a head. I feel like I've already checked out but he insists he can change and things will be good again. Our issues are numerous and many and it's certainly not his fault. The problem is, I'm not sure either of us can really change. Sure, we can work on things, go through a honeymoon phase.. but in the end I don't know anyone who's successfully came back from feeling the way I've been feeling.
I've got an appointment to see the psych I saw for my WLS, thinking that perhaps one has to do with the other, and I think it's possible that it does. I feel like my eyes are now open, where as 150+ lbs ago the blinders that I wore due to my obesity kept me at bay, docile and a home body. Now, life is out there, I want to go - see - do! (I should tell you that he was also over weight and has lost 100+lbs in the same time frame I have so it's not as tho he's now too obese to go - do - see with me)
I hope to gain more insight next week when I see the Doc, but as of last night I tried to officially end it. He begged for more time, but I'm not sure how much longer I can put it off. I feel it's inevitable at this point.
Thoughts?
~Lee
Lee,
I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time with your bf. I think going to see a therapist now is a very good decision. Most of us do change not only physically but emotionally as well in a very significant way once we have our WLS and drop over 100 lbs. We start to live life fully where we couldn't before when we were super morbidly obese. I know for me, I no longer hide behind the fat and I do go -do - see a lot! Many of us realize that what we had before might have been settling for something less than what we truly wanted because we might not have thought we deserved anything better or could achieve it. I know that certainly was the case for me in my last relationship (ended a few yrs before my WLS.)
Whatever you choose to do, just remember that you are a magnificent man who gets to live the healthy and vibrant life that he dreamt of. Whatever the outcome will be, just trust yourself and always remember that you are worth having that dream relationship!
**hugs**
~Maryn
I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time with your bf. I think going to see a therapist now is a very good decision. Most of us do change not only physically but emotionally as well in a very significant way once we have our WLS and drop over 100 lbs. We start to live life fully where we couldn't before when we were super morbidly obese. I know for me, I no longer hide behind the fat and I do go -do - see a lot! Many of us realize that what we had before might have been settling for something less than what we truly wanted because we might not have thought we deserved anything better or could achieve it. I know that certainly was the case for me in my last relationship (ended a few yrs before my WLS.)
Whatever you choose to do, just remember that you are a magnificent man who gets to live the healthy and vibrant life that he dreamt of. Whatever the outcome will be, just trust yourself and always remember that you are worth having that dream relationship!
**hugs**
~Maryn
Our little miracle baby boy is on his way!
Hello Lee,
First and foremost, my thoughts and wishes for a positive outcome are with both you and your partner, whatever that outcome may be. As for my thoughts, I'm more on the conservative end of the spectrum. I look at the marriage of my dear friend as the ideal of what I want my relationship to be like, and they've been married going on 50 years now. There have been a couple of times when she has contemplated divorce but they decided to move through it, and came out even better (but different) on the other end of it. Over the years, they've been through a couple of cycles like that and hearing her talk about it has really helped me.
A couple of years back, my partner and I had a rough patch and we worked through it. I screwed up big time. I didn't cheat on him, but I threw in a pretty hefty lie or two, and pretty much violated the trust between us. It's different now, but better in some ways. While I don't have insight into your situation, and you and your partner are the only ones who can really make the decision, I do think gay couples tend to give up pretty quickly in their relationships. I theorize it's because we can't get married (althought it doesn't seem to help straight couples all that much) and also we get addicted to that high of being in a new relationship. For what it's worth, as long as there is no violence, I would rather see a couple work for longer to keep a relationships together than to give up too quickly.
Best wishes to you both.
-Danny
First and foremost, my thoughts and wishes for a positive outcome are with both you and your partner, whatever that outcome may be. As for my thoughts, I'm more on the conservative end of the spectrum. I look at the marriage of my dear friend as the ideal of what I want my relationship to be like, and they've been married going on 50 years now. There have been a couple of times when she has contemplated divorce but they decided to move through it, and came out even better (but different) on the other end of it. Over the years, they've been through a couple of cycles like that and hearing her talk about it has really helped me.
A couple of years back, my partner and I had a rough patch and we worked through it. I screwed up big time. I didn't cheat on him, but I threw in a pretty hefty lie or two, and pretty much violated the trust between us. It's different now, but better in some ways. While I don't have insight into your situation, and you and your partner are the only ones who can really make the decision, I do think gay couples tend to give up pretty quickly in their relationships. I theorize it's because we can't get married (althought it doesn't seem to help straight couples all that much) and also we get addicted to that high of being in a new relationship. For what it's worth, as long as there is no violence, I would rather see a couple work for longer to keep a relationships together than to give up too quickly.
Best wishes to you both.
-Danny
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