OT: Homophobe families

I am blessed beyond measure with my family.  Let's just say that when I came out it wasn't a surprise and that my family gets it about being gay and totally and completely supports me.  We celebrate diversity and individualism.

Then there's my fiance's family... we'll really just her mom.  Jill came out to her family 15 years ago when she was 21 yrs old.  Her sister doesn't care and is loving and supportive and super excited about our wedding in 47 days (she's Jill's bridesmaid.)  Her mother on the other hand... well... let's just say I want to punch her in the head right now!  She "found Jesus" about 8 years ago... *yeah... uh oh!*

Jill's mother has been acting excited about the wedding.  Asked us about hotels nearby, details about the wedding, etc.  When Jill told her about the wedding a couple months ago, she said that we have to come up to visit her before the wedding so that she can meet me.  All supportive and loving and such.  Well... that all changed last night.  She called my fiance to drop the bomb on her that she's not coming to the wedding because she doesn't believe in gay marriage and can't condone it!

But wait... it gets better!  Then today her mother posts the following in Jill's FB wall:
"Telling Jill I wouldn't be attending her wedding was one of the hardest things I have ever done. My decision was not made lightly or without soul searching. While I don't expect you to understand, Peanut, I hope you will respect my decision and realize not attending has absolutely nothing to do with my love for you or my prayers for your happiness."

Are you kidding me?!?!?!  It has absolutely everything to do with her "love" for her daughter.  How in the world can a parent **** on their own child in the way?!  UGH!!!

Hey Lady!  First of all, you will NEVER be my MIL.  You will NOT be a grandparent to our future children. And you can take your religious views and shove them up your judgemental, conditional, heartless, selfish, bum!

I am SO SORRY for all the LGBT people that lose their families when they step out and become who they truly are.

I am so very sorry and I do understand your anger and pain for your partner!!!  I would like to suggest that she be allowed to hurt but realize that at least her mom posted her belief as well as love for all the FB world to see.   She appears to have a lot of love for her daughter as well as love for her religion.   

As much as your partner wants her mom there, knowing that she truely does not believe in the ceremony would really ruin it.     I am just a 58 year old woman that has learned that I need to only believe in my thoughts and beliefs, and not try to have anyone fake theirs.

Her mom will sometime see the light and beauty of your love in her own time, not unreal time!  

This is your partner and your time, just require positive vibes for the rest of your lifes with compassion and forgiveness for the ignorant, and the beauty of your life 's will just shine!!!

xoxox I hope I didn't ramble too long! 

Thanks Ann. But I find it really hard to conceive of forgiving a parent for turning their back on their own child's happiness in the name of religion when that religion would not condone HER behavior!

I have seen so much hatred, fear, beatings, shunning etc in my life that I have for myself learned that is one of my weight issues!!  Hide behind the fat, fun and my inner and outer beauty!  I went through the anger, hate and disappointment  stages and finally when one of my dear buds was dying of aids, he said, "Ann, when are you going to show and share the love instead of teaching all the anger"?
I know pray for the mean judgemental people and since then I feel more alive and free.................Besides having one of the best partners in the world!! 

 went to work today and was so worried about you!   You  are so welcoming and loving so I don't want anyone to rain negativity on your special day.   I followed  your OH story from the beginning!    I apologize if I appeared insensitive, and just want the best for you!!  xoxox       

Along with feeling sad for both of you and angry with her for dropping this bomb, I am also yucked that she posted that on Jills wall. Seems attention seeking and passive aggressive by putting it on Jill's wall. I find the whole " but I really love ya peanut" thing especially disturbing. It has absolutely nothing to do with Jill becasue it sounds like it ALL about her mother.

We can hurt each other so badly can't we. So sad to me that people do these things and make overtures about God. I prefer to think that narcissism and pettiness are human and not representative of the God we are looking for in ourselves. I am sorry Maryn. Please offer my condolences to your fiance. I hope you can lean on all of the best wishes, love and support you have in each other and all of your friends and chosen family.

Your fiancee is lucky to be joining your family. Her mother's actions are reprehensible, but it is her mother's choice to lose out on so much. I learned a long time ago that many of the gay people I know have created their own families of choice. I have mine, and they are kind, loving and nurturing. They have a big piece of my heart, and I, theirs. Surround yourselves with those *****ally love you and support you, and you two will live a wonderful life. And may you have a long and happy life together.

I defy anyone to find one ONE place in the entire Bible, where it says that it's wrong for a woman to love or be in love with another one...ya know what...you won't find it...cuz it doesn't exist!!!

As a born again Christian who God made GAY as the day is long, I can assure them....just like Gaga says...."Baby I was born this way" and that anyone who claims something to the contrary isn't following the beliefs of Christianity -which holds that God doesn't make mistakes.

I am alternately so furious at Jills mom, and so sad for Jill. However, this is just the first of many incredibly happy moments that you two will share in your lifetime of wedded bliss and the person who's really losing out is her mom. She will come to regret her decision and there won't be a damn thing she can do about her poor choices.

I hope that someday, people will stop spreading lies about others and instead work on becoming better and more loving people, as opposed to hateful and judgmental ones. I pity that she can't think for herself, that she's letting others tell her how to live her life, cuz she's missing something truly beautiful.

However, I am super glad that I'll get to be there tho!!! (((HUGS)))

I am truly sorry that your fiance's mother feels that way and know that she will regret the day she made the decision not to come to your wedding.

However for your sake and the sake of all your guests, perhaps it's the best that she not attend.  You do not need the added stress of her negativity and the possibility of her speaking out public "at that time" in the ceremony, if it is a standard wedding ceremony.  I've been to several weddings and unions and at a couple, some (I'm sure) "well meaning" family or friends spoke out when the officiant asked if there was "anyone who could name a reason why this couple should not wed."

The entire "abomination against G*d", "immoral" and "innately evil" thing kind of spoiled an otherwise nice day and hurt the couple deeply.

Unfortunately the same religion that preaches "love one another" has a few other rules that are a little less understandable (try reading the book of Leviticus and the 600+ laws in that - A. J. Abrams' book "The Year of Living Biblically" looks at the biblical laws and the author's attempt to follow all the biblical rules).

Just try to enjoy the day and know that your fiance is marrying into a loving and supportive family.

Wow, I read your post and really the only word I could come up with is WOW. What mother treats their child that way?!?!  One of the most important days in anyone's life is if they are lucky enough to stand before their friends and families and unite their lives and love with their partner. Jill's mom is going to miss all of that, and miss out on a once in a lifetime event.

Regardless of Jill's mom I am sure your wedding day will be absolutely gorgeous and wonderful, and the marriage will last a lifetime and her mom will miss out on all the amazing things that will happen on your journey together. Her loss BIG TIME!!!
Hugs
Erin