Dating after WLS

Well I am only 7 months out, but I think I am nearing the end of my weight loss journey. I expect to lose another 20-40 lbs and then stabilize. This has me thinking a lot about dating. Especially for men, dating is so often tied to physical appearance first. I have avoided dating since just before WLS, because the truth is that men who are attracted to 354 lb men, aren't attracted to 180 lb men. I have lost weight before and I have watched myself pass through being someone's type (first I was too fat, then the perfect bear, then too small.) I have a chubby friend who always says that chubs are boutique items: not everyone is going to shop in that store, but the ones that do really like the merchandise.

I guess I am looking for some advice on dating after WLS from those who have done it. I am sort of floundering, and could use other people's thoughts and learn from their experiences.

I am sending you great thoughts and wishes for your next segment of your life.    I am clueless as to the gay dating seen, but I hope you get some great responses!

Thanks. I can use all the good wishes and great thoughts you can send. It's scary out there.

I am not a guy...but I will try....I am almost 3 years out now...(yeah! and the time passes quickly).

First off....dealing with your new body and how it looks is an issue. Usually loose or flabby skin.

1) Do everything you can to feel good about yourself, working out, doing physical stuff really does help here.

2) Not wanting to get booed off the board....but I think that the immense change in body and self image, makes us crazy and unstable mentally at first. I know I was. Maybe the estrogen or hormones in the fat contribute too? So if you are feeling this way, just take dating in stride and don't make a big deal of it. I tried and it became obvious to me that I was not able to be in a relationship at the time. You know how when folks break up they rush out and try to date and they are not ready?? Newbie WLS aren't ready either in my book. I see them get into abusive relationships or someone undercuts their success. You (your self image) is still fragile at this point. (Some of this instabilty and misplaced anger is found on OH boards

3) When you get to the point where you are comfortable with you, accept you and your body, with all your imperfections...you will be ready to truly date and have fun.

4)Just enjoy meeting people, have fun, get to know them, is this someone I want to know better, but don't get tied to an end result (like we will have great sex or this is the one). Who knows, they may introduce you to a great new activity or other cool people who may be right for you.

5) Learn about you and what you need to stay successful on your path ....so someone who wants you to drink things you shouldn't, eat how you shouldn't ....pass on them.

6)Remember that everyone, I mean everyone....has issues.

7) Just enjoy and have fun.....I have found people that I can hike with, kayak with, talk with, go places with, found someone to have sex with....you will too.

just hang in there and enjoy the journey!

deb366

PS. Sex is lots better when you lose weight and are in shape....you can start the getting in shape phase right now!!

Well said Deb.  Thanks for the great advise. 

I have posted in here a couple times about my dating issues. I started out this journey at over 500 pounds. At that weight, I felt worthless and did not want to date. Over 2 years later and over 265 pounds lighter, I have begun to feel more comfortable with myself and my new body. I have offically come out of the closet and feel so much better about myself for doing it. I have started dating and meeting guys. It has been fun. I dated a guy for 2 months, but because of the distance between us, it didn't work. Plus he was into the drug scene (extacy) which I am not, so it didn't work. Then I met this hot 20 year old guy and have been with him for a bit over a month now. He's almost 21, and I just turned 29. The age difference is kind of weird, but I'm actually more immature than he is lol. Despite my nasty loose skin, he makes me feel so sexy and he never once made me feel bad about myself. I say don't fit in with  "type". Just go with guys you like and have fun. Enjoy your new life and enjoy the time you have meeting guys and having fun. I am doing so many things now that I never would have done in my fat life. I just went to my fist gay club in West Hollywood and danced in public for the first time EVER! Granted, I had a little help from a couple of margaritas, but I would have never been caught dead at a club, let alone DANCING at a club! I feel like I am just now starting to live my life. It's awesome!!!!

Thanks for the good advice. Having fun is very important.

And BTW, I assume that you meant you went to your "first gay club in WeHo" although your "fist gay club in Weho" could lead to some very interesting stories which you definitely would need to post about.

lol, oops! Thanks for pointing that out. Nope, no fist club here. lol. Although I'm not against anybody who is into it.