New To This Forum...Questions!!

I am new to this forum but not OH. I was directed here by someone on SBAWWLS.

 Last Sunday was a huge day for my family. My 15 year old son came out to us. I had long suspected
he as gay but wanted him to feel comfotable telling me. It doesn't change ho I feel or how I treat him. To me he is still my baby boy and I love him. I will support him any way I can. etc..
 I am here to ask ho best to help him through this phase of coming out. It can be rough on an adult, but he is only 15 and his bf is biracial, it will be especially hard on them.
 What do I say, what do I avoid? We have had the practice safe sex talks, how to treat your partner, etc..I haven't officially met the bf yet but will this weekend. I want him to feel comfortable in my home too.
 I have gotten our local PFLAG info and ill be attending their next meeting. In the meantime I ould really like some adxice.
Thanks!

Iris,

It sounds like your son is a brave boy and more importantly, that you have created a family environment that provides the comfort and safety to allow him to express his true feelings about himself.  I applaud you for that.  Not many households in this country provide that for LGBT youth at all.  And the fact that you are seeking guidance on how to further support your son is wonderful.

You are doing the right things... being loving and supportive of him is the best thing that you can do.  I think PFLAG is great place for you to continue learning more about being a parent to a gay child.  Just keep loving your son like you do.

Doing good, Mom!

~Maryn

Very simply......you're already doing what you need to do!

Keep letting him know you love him, support him and will be there for him.

He's a very lucky young man!

You are an awesome mom!!!   I am very proud of you!!   Just remind him that you love him and want only the best for him so this includes self respect, being safe, and be the best human he was meant to be.

Life just happens as it happens and living an open and honest life is half the battle!!

Blessings to you!

What a great mom you are and what a great shot at a lovely life your son has because of you. I think that everything you are doing is perfect. You are asking the questions all of us parents wonder when we tackle any hard things with our kids.. what do I do/say and not do/not say. PFLAG is such a great place to go and learn as well as get support. All of us who are GLBT had time to come out to ourselves but I often remind myself that parents and friends often did not have that amount of time. PFLAG will give you the space to feel your own feelings and notice what comes up for you right away and in a more delayed time frame. It may take a while before it even occurs to you that you feel or think something that you need time to process. Hope you will give yourself lots of room for your own process while you take such good care of your son.

Wish the world was willing to be as open and generous as you. What a lovely world it would be!! Good luck to all of you.

Thank you all for responding. And please forgive my misspellings!! My W key sticks and I don't always catch it!!
 My home has always been a place where my children could be themselves. I encourage their self expression ( one son has his room painted lime green and black, with lovely artwork from his friends on the walls), the other has movie posters and such in his room. I don't dictate their hairstyles or length, only that it be clean and brushed. Same with clothing. I don't care if it is khakis or jeans, just be clean.
 I do want him to have a wonderful life and someday find a life partner. The one thing I am mourning is the grandchildren he will never give me. Even that can be done through adoption these days. It means a lot to know there are places I can ask questions and get real answers.
 

He is just 15!   I bet you just might be a grandma by him someday!!  he just might want to be a dad!!  It can happen so mourning at this time is not an option.

Iris,

I think you're doing all the right things. PFLAG will be a great support and help for you.

Now, I think the best thing you can do is be honest with your son and the bf. Confess that you're moving into uncharted territory and ask them to be patient or understanding if you say or do something that makes them uncomfortable.

I'd also suggest that you don't go overboard in trying to be nice or "hover" over them. This could be an ackward time for them, too, and they probably don't want to feel like you're watching them.

I'd also recommend getting a copy of the book "Consenting Adult" by Laura Z. Hobson. This is a fictional novel about a son coming out to his parents. I could really identify with the son while my parents identified more with the parents. It really captures the emotions of the coming out process.

This book was also made into a TV movie with Martin Sheen. The video is great but I enjoyed the book more.

There are also a number of books with coming out stories by teens. You and / or your son may enjoy reading those stories.

Best of luck and let us know how things go.

I would say that I have something dramatic to add to this, but the gang really did put it out there.

Well one thing I will try to elaborate on is remember he is a teenage boy and gay or straight they tend to be hotwired, anxious, and know it alls. He is going to think you don't understand and can't understand. Remember the things he is feeling may not be directly related to his coming out. They may just be other teenage boy issues. 

This is important because he will likely be more defensive about stuff now and tend to think anyone is picking on him because he is gay. He might say oh she is doing this because I am gay, and then walls will come up and the lines of communication go down. On the other hand you might be LQQKING to relate issues to him being gay.

The goal is to realize he is what he is but not hang a sign on him that make him feel like he is different, because society already does that to us. He needs to feel safe and normal at home.

One last thing, you both need to try not to over complicate the communication. PISS AND CRAP
(Properly Interpet Social Situations/Communication Resolves All Problems).

Love each other and you will get through this and have a better relationship over it.
Hugs to you both
G

I have another book recommendation for you.  The book 'On Being Gay' from Brian McNaught is incredible.  It really helped me and my mother after I came out.

It is available on Amazon - http://www.amazon.com/Being-Gay-Thoughts-Stonewall-Editions/ dp/0312029594/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1299161174&sr=8-1

It is a real life look at the coming out process and how it touches almost every aspect of your life.  It may be a bit dated now, so you may want to read it first to make sure it would be relevant to your son - it is even kind of funny at times.  I was also a bit older than your son when I came out, so it he may be few years away from it having any true meaning.

Either way, there are some great resoucres out there....use them, but continue to be guided by your 'mom intuition', it is working for you so far!

BTW - I have 2 kids that my partner and I have adopted so we have added to our parent's grandchildren.  They are loved just the same!