An interesting message came my way

OK, I have been on OH  for about 3 years and I got a message this week that was first. I had posted on a few OH boards about looking for ideas on support for 2+ year post-op folks. I received a private message that I had to page down for about 4 pages to read.

The author said she saw my post and a few others from me and was interested in chatting with me and possibly joining some of the support groups I attend. She then went on to say she read my profile. She was taken back that I SHOUTED that I was gay. She spent 3+ pages telling me about the sins of being gay. She did offer a positive suggestion to leave my partner (actually husband) of 21 years and live 2 months outside of the homosexual lifestyle :) She knew I would find the strength to live a good life leading to salvation. 

Well, I am going to stay the course and see if I can make the 21 year thing really last and count. I responded to her with a nice email and explained that I am a spiritual person and in my faith, we are justified by faith and our works. I don't usually respond to these type of emails, but I figured her extraordinary effort deserved a response.

Tom

Which is another reason why I was SOOOO GRATEFUL to find this forum...the regular 'procedure' boards are very highly populated w/that conservative, republican, holier than thou, bible thumpin' element that we have all dealt with...Bravo for taking the high road in your response to her...

James

Great response!!!!  I dislike people who tend to think they need to tell me what to do with my life when they have no business doing so.

Good for YOU!!

Tom, it is sad that people think they have the right to tell you that the way we are living is wrong. It is a joke that gay marriage is frowned upon because there worried about the sanctity of marriage, when 75% of straight people get divorced even know they say till death do us part. I'm with a women now and have always identified as a bisexual man, I used to care what people thought about that side of me, but now i want to shout to the roof top about who i am. Congrats on your long marriage, and i hope you have a blessed new year.

Tom,

Wow...just wow! i'm with James... This forum has been a huge support for me.  Recently I started posted on the Pregnancy after WLS forum because my gf and I are trying to have a baby (with me carrying it.)  So I've been posting on that board a lot.  I was pretty nervous at first because I am very out... down to my avatar pic of my gf and I.  Surprisingly, the women on that board are very supportive and I have gotten absolutely no homophobe comments there.  There are actually 2 other les couples on that board.  But yeah... most other forums on OH are pretty conservative and scary.

Good for you for not letting it get to you and speaking your heart.  Congrats on the past 21 years & here's to at least another 21 more for you and your husband.

~M

Over my 3 year journey I have found very supportive people and really almost no homophobia on OH. Only one other time a few years back when I cross posted about this group on other OH  boards, We got a very few negative replies. Most were countered by many many supportive folks. The focus here is on weight loss and our journeys, not our sexuality. As we find ourselves here, we realize that we seek support from our fellow LGBT family since they walk in our same shoes and know our pains and joys. I have made several friendships on this board which I most likely would not of on other boards.

I guess what bothered me from the response was the unwillingness to participate in support group activities where I participate since I am gay. I have been a LGBT advocate in my faith for 20 years. I have seen this response numerous times. It is a sad response to the issue. I find it not to be a Christian response. The people responding in that manner seem to miss the point of Jesus' work and the Great Commandment. I call these people "cherry pickers". They lift portions of scripture out of context to support their interpretation of the Bible. Most also add texts that are not found in the Bible. Sorry I went on with Biblical reference. I've spent too much time discussing this subject with these people.

Another characteristic I have found is that many conservative voices see openly discussing your sexuality as shouting it out load. The email mentioned that several times. The assumption is that LGBT people should live in shame. They see that as the norm in the 50s and 60s and want it to continue. That is a power thing. Being comfortable with who you are threatens these people and take power from their words. I always urge people to respond politely but make no apologies for who you are. I also politely point out areas in which the person could improve their view on sexuality and equality for all.

You look great Maryn! Congrats on the baby.

Thanks Tom.  Have a great New Years.

Girl! I could have told you they are awesome over there!

Tom,

So sorry to hear the details of the e-mail you received. But, you sure handled it well.

Unfortunately, since I live in Utah, I'm all too familar with the religious right that are always trying to change us or shame us into change.

I actually had one religious leader that volunteered to pay for shock therapy to "cure" me. Needless to say, I'm no longer associating with that church and I'm very glad I declined their "generous" offer. I'm much happier without being shocked.