First time having sex after surgery...

Well, my desire is still here, although less strong. I'm also somehow more self-conscious than before which is a bit weird. Also, I'm less...let's say, aggressive. And I could kiss and fondle all night long which is VERY MUCH unlike me at such an early phase. I think I'm generally more emotional and that affected sex too. Don't get me wrong, it was good and all. But I couldn't let go completely (and I never had that problem) and I wanted to go slowly (very much unlike me too). And it was also with a new person that I've seen like..5 times (2 with company - we met through a common friend - and 3 alone). And that new person thing was weird too, weirder than before I mean.

When I had my WLS I was thinking that I would stay away from anything like that for a while because I felt quite vulnerable with everything and didn't want the stress of a new person. But now, I want the new person or at least I wanna get to know the new person (I still don't want any stress). We both agreed on two things: we like each other and we'd like to give it a chance (although none of us knows whether we could commit right now) so I guess we'll see how it goes. But it just hit me that I'd like to be in a relationship although I don't know if that would be the best thing right now. I'm afraid of losing focus etc.

I also told her about my surgery yesterday. She was very good about it, meaning that she didn't comment on it (which is good on my book). She just asked me if I was doing ok and stuff like that.

How were your first dating/sex experiences after WLS?

I don't think I could ever randomly date people, sex or no sex. I'm too self conscious now and I can't handle meeting new people 'in that way'. Either way, I've been with my GF for 3 years and sex has changed. We both have had surgery. We have great sex BUT we both leave our shirts on because we don't want the other seeing the extra skin even though we've both seen the skin a bazillion times. It's weird how it all works in our brains.

Well my WLS scars no longer really show...but I had a lbl....which is pretty obvious so that needs to come up first...which it did. overall I am pretty happy with my body and what it can do now....still sensitive about the 'looser' areas...but love being a lightweight and being able to move more freely...

A lot just has to do with being comfortable and accepting yourself....I love my tummy now....so nice and flat and feeling the hip bones.... I guess not looking for physical perfection in a partner or myself...

Hi :-)
I too was more self conscious after. My gf and I of two years, broke up a little bit after surgery. I stayed away from the dating scene till just recently. I mean I went on some dinner dates and stuff but it wasn't going to be anything serious. Then I met my current gf and knew she was the one I was meant to be with. On date 3 I told her about surgery. She was very good about it, in the same way you mentioned, she didn't make any comments. She is a vegetarian so alot of her diet mesh's very well with mine. She asks when I try new stuff if it is "sitting" okay and if we don't go grocery shopping together she will call and ask if I need anything special. Now the sex didn't happen for a while. Mainly because of me. I was too nervous. I am 11 months out and have lost right around 136 pounds. I have saggy extra skin that I am very sensitive about. She is so understanding. She compliments me all the time and tries to put me at ease about it. But it is hard as we all know. Once I let my guard down and said to myself you are doing great, the saggy skin is just a sign of how much weight you are now free of, everything became alot better, and I was more comfortable letting her see me. I know its hard and its a mental game that is really hard to battle. Just remember you are doing great, and think of how much better you feel about yourself!!
If you truly like this woman than go for it. Right down your goals in places you will see everyday if you are afraid of losing focus and think that will help. Maybe she can help with your goals...like does she eat healthy, enjoy exercising? Do you like doing those things with other people or prefer to exercise on your own? Hope this helps....

Kat,

Sex post-op is interesting. I've been w/my gf since about 7 mos pre-op. Our sex life is amazing now that i'm down 135 lbs. I can do all sorts of things I couldn't before because it was so uncomfortable. I have lotsa extra skin all over and my gf doesn't care at all. She thinks I'm beautiful and sexy. Sometimes laying in bed we play with the extra skin. It's pretty funny.

Bottom line, once you are confident with your new body that will speak much louder volumes than the hesitancy. You're also mixing that with a new relationship. So it's totally understandable that you're questioning this. Keep breathing and you'll be fine. Just focus on loving yourself and your body. Really get into your own sexiness. You deserve it!

~Maryn