A new journey - a little long - a little whiny
A local LGBTQ group hosts a “Men’s Night Out" every month. People gather at a local pub and guys will gather to chat and just hang out with each other. The music is “folky", so it’s a quieter atmosphere without the lights and blasting techno-music.
I have always been overweight. However, I had withdrawn from the social scene a number of years ago when my weight ballooned up to 440 lbs. I didn’t feel comfortable enter into the dating world and my self-esteem was in the gutter.
Last week, the scale told me that I have lost 150 lbs. since my surgery, and I was on top of the world!! I went out and bought some new clothes and planned to take a stp into the social scene again.
To be honest, I was a little nervous all day yesterday. I had dinner...had a shower...spent quite a bit of time, getting my hair just right...put on a compression t-shirt, to smooth out the loose skin on my belly...slipped on my new shirt (2XL, down from a 5XL)...put on my new jeans...new shoes...took a look in the mirror and just about cried....I looked fantastic!!!
The nerves kept up as I neared the pub. I walked in alone and took a stool at the bar. I ordered a club soda with lime and started to enjoy the music.
I felt a little awkward, because I was there by myself...but “what the hell!"
I was there for about 15 minutes, when I overheard a conversation from a table, close by. Four guys were laughing at the “fat pig alone at the bar". I got up and left.
I have come a long way from my starting weight...I’m proud of that. However, I realized, last night, that I still have a long way to go...both physically and emotionally. There was a time (when I had 150 additional pounds of armour on) that I would have told those guys to f**k off...but last night they destroyed me...I cried all the way home.
Although the body is becoming smaller, I still have the mind of a “fat guy". So, as well as my weight loss journey...I’m starting on an esteem building journey as well. Wish me luck!!!
I have always been overweight. However, I had withdrawn from the social scene a number of years ago when my weight ballooned up to 440 lbs. I didn’t feel comfortable enter into the dating world and my self-esteem was in the gutter.
Last week, the scale told me that I have lost 150 lbs. since my surgery, and I was on top of the world!! I went out and bought some new clothes and planned to take a stp into the social scene again.
To be honest, I was a little nervous all day yesterday. I had dinner...had a shower...spent quite a bit of time, getting my hair just right...put on a compression t-shirt, to smooth out the loose skin on my belly...slipped on my new shirt (2XL, down from a 5XL)...put on my new jeans...new shoes...took a look in the mirror and just about cried....I looked fantastic!!!
The nerves kept up as I neared the pub. I walked in alone and took a stool at the bar. I ordered a club soda with lime and started to enjoy the music.
I felt a little awkward, because I was there by myself...but “what the hell!"
I was there for about 15 minutes, when I overheard a conversation from a table, close by. Four guys were laughing at the “fat pig alone at the bar". I got up and left.
I have come a long way from my starting weight...I’m proud of that. However, I realized, last night, that I still have a long way to go...both physically and emotionally. There was a time (when I had 150 additional pounds of armour on) that I would have told those guys to f**k off...but last night they destroyed me...I cried all the way home.
Although the body is becoming smaller, I still have the mind of a “fat guy". So, as well as my weight loss journey...I’m starting on an esteem building journey as well. Wish me luck!!!
sfnativewm
on 9/12/10 6:33 am
on 9/12/10 6:33 am
I am so sorry that happened to you!!! Be proud of yourself that you got the courage to go out and live your life! People in this world can be cruel and down right ****** up!!!! I for one cannot even imagine going to a bar aolne as I am so shy and fearful!! Do not let your new life and creepy people stop your new adventures!!!! There are a lot of places to go, people to meet and whatever life brings you!! Good luck to you!!!
~Ann~
Band removed and feeling alive with energy!
Kevin, I'm very sorry for what you had to go through. Sometimes people are just plain evil! No matter how great you look and how much self confidence you have, they want to shoot it down and try and make themselves feel cool or something. I've been to the gay bar scence and believe me i know how it feel, being treated diffrently because we are bigger then most of them there, but i never let them get to me and did my own thing and hung around people who werent shallow. You've come along way and shouldn't let anyone rain on your parade. For ever one rude person there are plenty of kind loyal people out there who aren't shallow. so i say go back out there and forget what them loser's say and have a good time, you are worth it
Kevin, I'm sorry you had this happen. They are shallow jerks and not the kind of guy you want to be with anyway. Many of us have been in similar situations, having been insulted for just being who we are. It hurts, but I urge you to get up, dust yourself off and get back out there. You deserve to be happy.
KenHud
RNY 5/17/10 highest: 407 lb - maintaining a loss of 200+ pounds and enjoying life
RNY 5/17/10 highest: 407 lb - maintaining a loss of 200+ pounds and enjoying life
Kevin,
I am sorry that you had to experience such insensitive childish behavior. I had hoped that the gay male community would move from this type of behavior. So many skinny "twink" guys have always had this type of attitude. Let's face it; skinny young guys are front and center at any event and in publications. They are sought after when people cruise the bars.
The good news is that beauty only lasts so long and people really look deeper when forming friendships and relationships. Their pretty faces only get them so far. I would not let them keep you away from a return visit. You know who they are and can avoid them. Hell, I would confront them! You have come far and part of your journey being even better is to not let this keep you away from doing what you want to do.
People can be hateful. We all deal with it in many ways. Just don't let that hate stop your progress or take away the "shine" from your accomplishments.
Tom
I am sorry that you had to experience such insensitive childish behavior. I had hoped that the gay male community would move from this type of behavior. So many skinny "twink" guys have always had this type of attitude. Let's face it; skinny young guys are front and center at any event and in publications. They are sought after when people cruise the bars.
The good news is that beauty only lasts so long and people really look deeper when forming friendships and relationships. Their pretty faces only get them so far. I would not let them keep you away from a return visit. You know who they are and can avoid them. Hell, I would confront them! You have come far and part of your journey being even better is to not let this keep you away from doing what you want to do.
People can be hateful. We all deal with it in many ways. Just don't let that hate stop your progress or take away the "shine" from your accomplishments.
Tom
Follow my journey to a happy, healthy, active life at TomBilcze.com
You are losing the weight (which we all know is not easy!) and they are sad and pathetic judgmental aholes...don't let those nasty dudes get to you.
You are on an amazing journey and have already come so far....those guys feel so bad about themselves that they have to insult strangers to feel better- how lame is that!
I'm glad that instead of eating your pain, you worked it out- you go man!!!
Keep rockin' your tool!
You are on an amazing journey and have already come so far....those guys feel so bad about themselves that they have to insult strangers to feel better- how lame is that!
I'm glad that instead of eating your pain, you worked it out- you go man!!!
Keep rockin' your tool!
:Danni >>>AIDS/LifeCycle 10 & 11 Finisher: 545miles on the bike in 7 days <<<
HW390/SW340/CW 208/GW170
You deserve nothing but credit. My heart goes out to you. Allow me to share a little story.
Upon viewing an early edit of the Vincent Gallo film The Brown Bunny, film critic Roger Ebert stated it was the worst film in the history of Cannes. Gallo responded by attacking Ebert on the basis of his weight. Ebert's reply: "It is true that I am fat, but one day I will be thin, and he will still be the director of The Brown Bunny."
Likewise, it is true that you are (relatively) fat, but one day you will be thin, and they will still be shallow, judgmental trash.
There will always be people more attractive than you are. Skinnier, younger, more muscular, better facial structure, more exotic ancestry, perfect symmetry, whatever. That is just a fact of life. There are people more attractive then the 4 idiots who needed to boost their self-esteem by putting down someone they knew nothing about except his weight.
Ultimately, your weight loss journey isn't about being thin and gorgeous (although that's an added bonus), or about how other people perceive you, it's about being healthy and how you perceive yourself. Remember how you felt when you looked in the mirror. That's what matters.
About 5 years ago, when I broke 300 pounds, I decided I was going to lose weight. The medication I was on happened to nearly completely suppress my appetite, and I cut my calories to the bone, started walking, and eventually joined a gym. I eventually lost almost 90 pounds. But I wasn't doing it for me - I was doing it to be good enough for one particular person. When I realized I would never be good enough for that particular person, I lost all motivation, and sailed right back over 300 pounds.
So don't let it be about other people. Remember this is for you. And maybe next time some tittering twink team makes you feel ten inches tall, tell 'em "While it is true I'm not yet as thin as you, I'm on my way there, but you'll probably always be shallow twits. Do you put other people down just to escape the hollowness of your own lives, or is it internalized homophobia? I had hoped that in an age when politicans brand us as incestuous pedophiles unworthy of rights or recognition, at a gay get-together I could find an atmosphere of acceptance, or at least tolerance. Maybe you guys figure there's not enough hate in the world?"
Dance like there's no one watching.
Jeff
Upon viewing an early edit of the Vincent Gallo film The Brown Bunny, film critic Roger Ebert stated it was the worst film in the history of Cannes. Gallo responded by attacking Ebert on the basis of his weight. Ebert's reply: "It is true that I am fat, but one day I will be thin, and he will still be the director of The Brown Bunny."
Likewise, it is true that you are (relatively) fat, but one day you will be thin, and they will still be shallow, judgmental trash.
There will always be people more attractive than you are. Skinnier, younger, more muscular, better facial structure, more exotic ancestry, perfect symmetry, whatever. That is just a fact of life. There are people more attractive then the 4 idiots who needed to boost their self-esteem by putting down someone they knew nothing about except his weight.
Ultimately, your weight loss journey isn't about being thin and gorgeous (although that's an added bonus), or about how other people perceive you, it's about being healthy and how you perceive yourself. Remember how you felt when you looked in the mirror. That's what matters.
About 5 years ago, when I broke 300 pounds, I decided I was going to lose weight. The medication I was on happened to nearly completely suppress my appetite, and I cut my calories to the bone, started walking, and eventually joined a gym. I eventually lost almost 90 pounds. But I wasn't doing it for me - I was doing it to be good enough for one particular person. When I realized I would never be good enough for that particular person, I lost all motivation, and sailed right back over 300 pounds.
So don't let it be about other people. Remember this is for you. And maybe next time some tittering twink team makes you feel ten inches tall, tell 'em "While it is true I'm not yet as thin as you, I'm on my way there, but you'll probably always be shallow twits. Do you put other people down just to escape the hollowness of your own lives, or is it internalized homophobia? I had hoped that in an age when politicans brand us as incestuous pedophiles unworthy of rights or recognition, at a gay get-together I could find an atmosphere of acceptance, or at least tolerance. Maybe you guys figure there's not enough hate in the world?"
Dance like there's no one watching.
Jeff
Most Active
Recent Topics
