Weight Comparison

I haven't posted in forever (well mainly have been commenting other posts) ...but this whole comparing my weight loss to others is pretty freakin annoying. I know I need to stop doing it but I can't turn that little part of my brain off.

My partner and I are a year and some change apart with our surgeries ...I started off 30 pounds heavier than her, and now she is 30 pounds or so less than me. I feel like the "fat one" again. I hate it. And sex life? What sex life? I don't even want to get dressed in front of her. It's a whole big secrecy thing now.

I hate THIS part of the journey...........

I am sorry you are going through this!  sending you a big hug!!   Remember the journey is about you!!!  You are a beautiful person so do not sabatoge a wonderful life!

You both are beautiful and neither one of you is the "fat one!" There doesn't have to be a fat one, just because she weighs less.... come on! 

That doesn't make you fat! Maybe you have thicker bones..ya know if you carry excess weight around your bones become more dense. I have seen pics of you both and you look to be the same size to this eye...and you're stunning.

Not that any of that matters, it's how you feel. No one can change that, but I hope that you can focus on the positives such as how far you've come and all that you can do now that you're healthy!

Sendin you a big hug!

I tell people in my support group all the time - do not compare you weight loss to anyone else.   You are you and you will loose at your rate.   You have done such a great job with the weight loss - you should be proud of what you accomplished.   As far as the sex life and getting dressed in front of her - maybe you should see someone for those issues.  I know I have some serious body issues - sometimes I wish I was fat again because I felt more comfortable in my skin then.  

I do see someone about the body issues. I had those issues when I was fat ..and they became greater after the weight loss. My counselor has worked with me through the entire process.

It totally ***** with your head! When I was fat I always walked with my head to the ground - always thinking people were looking at me in a negative way. Now, as a "skinny" person ...I've noticed the only people who think I'm pretty are either gay or married. 

Where is the happy place?

Hi...have you talked to your partner about this?  I am sure you are stunning, and the WLS journey is about you, and getting back to a healthy lifestyle, and it sounds like you have done that.
I used to walk the same way, head down not making eye contact....now I walk with my head up and its a better view. I am sure lots of people find you attractive. Sex life can be scary after surgery. I broke up with my partner shortly after surgery and now I am with someone else, and I was terrified to tell her about the surgery and then to have sex with her. She was very supportive and loves me for me, excess skin and all. I am sure your partner does too, especially since she knows how the surgery is and she has been through it. Be proud of how far you have come!!! Sending you a big hug

I'm sorry to hear you're having trouble.
But have you really talked about it with your partner? Did the sex problems start when you lost the weight? I mean, everything was just fine before that? And were you comfortable with your body around her? How does she deal with all this?

I was always the fat one in my relationships really, but I guess I got used to that, cause I was truly always bigger than them so there was no comparison issue. It sounds like you got a bit competitive with each other, or I am getting this all wrong?

Keep working with your therapist...And open up to your partner. It's not easy but it's all you've got to do at the moment.

And when you say that the only people that think you're pretty are gay or married...what exactly do you mean? Gay or married men? Do you feel pretty? Does your partner make you feel pretty?

Everything was fine when we were fat. We had sex every day. Now ...once every 3 months if that. Ugh. As I lost weight ...I started feeling a lot better about myself. But then as I got under 200lbs and the skin was more noticeable ...I started having problems. Then she had surgery a year later ...and she is now smaller than me. The breaking point was before the summer started she came running out of the bathroom to tell me what the scale said, and it was under my current weight. It REALLY does make me feel like the "fatter" one again. She knows it's a problem and constantly tells me how pretty I am. It's strange though ...she has a lot more skin than I do and is dealing with it differently than I am.

Brooke,
Brett and I are 2 years apart in surgery. He was first. He was really skinny which motivated me to get surgery. Well, I passed him by and am about 10 pounds lighter. It hasn't been an issue for us. My jealousy was when he was so skinny and I was still fat. We had relationship issues around that time; mostly from my insecurity. Today, I guess we are back to normal.  Wait... 21 years.. What is normal sex? Less sex?  lol. Anyway, I think this time will pass for you guys.  
Tom

I'm sorry you're going through this!  I agree with the others, you should open up to your partner if you haven't already and continue with your therapist.  These are issues that they definately don't tell you about pre-op, it seems!!!