How do I tell her??

So, I've met someone. And she's way out of my league in so many ways. And she's really into me which still shocks me. And I'm really into her. But I haven't told her yet. She hasn't seen me naked, so she doesn't know. And I know I need to tell her. But I'm afraid she'll be turned off. She's ultra femme which is a little out of my comfort zone.

So, for those of you dating post-op...what's it been like? I've really struggled because there has been a lot of interest that I'm not used to. Which is bittersweet really. But, then again, I'm loving life and having fun. This girl though...she's dangerously good looking and I am not her usual type as is. So I'm even more nervous that I usually would be. She's awesome.

Any advice would be appreciated!

Mmmmmm.

My guess is you are awesome too! And you did something to change and improve your life and your health, so good for you.

1) most people have some body image issues...Believe it or not, not just obese folks.

2) confidence is sexy.

3) Everyone likes attention. Even girlie girls.

4)At some point in a relationship, unless you are going for a one night stand....you need to share personal stuff. How much is up to you. But do it when you feel safe and comfortable...and that will occur as the relationship progresses.

5) At some point someone else in your life is going to mention that you had surgery or lost a lot of weight. Better that the new person hear it from you.

6)My wls scars really don't show now....but I had some PS and they for sure do. I would tell someone. I usually start with that I lost weight and go from there. Doesn't take them too long to figure out....mmmmm, if you used to be heavy why is your tummy so flat?

7) Sex is better after weight loss in many ways. Hope you get to find out.

8) Working out and getting firmer and muscles can be sexy.


deb366

PS. Candlelight, music and find some things you feel comfy and sexy in...I have done the boxers and sleeveless white Ts....actually was cute.

I could have written this myself, word for word.  What I have discovered is that when they really are into you, they just don't care.  We worry about it so much more than they do.  By the time you are intimate with someone, they care about your heart more than your body. 

I myself have told my partners and they have assured me that I am beautiful regardless.  The ones that really like you will touch the parts of you that you hate, showing you that they like all of you, no matter what the flaws.  You have to take a chance.

I soo love what u said Jane....
The ones that really like you will touch the parts of you that you hate, showing you that they like all of you, no matter what the flaws.  AWESOME!!!

I'm a little bit of a wimp too because the girl that I am currently seeing...well I haven't told her.   And she hasn't mentioned the extra skin.   So perhaps my observation that they really don't care if they like you is true...

If she likes you. Then she will understand. Just bring it up casually. Wait and see what  she says. Which will probably just be something like"oh wow. good for you" Then continue your new love affair.

I was blessed to meet the hubby 4 years before surgery so I have no advice on how to date Post-op. just wanted to say good luck and she really is into you she shouldn't care.

I met my wife 1 and a half years post  op...I have a ton of excess skin, she saw my scars and we talked about it. It didnt freak her out, it didnt bother her at all...She ahs been my biggest support and my biggest cheerleader - this is not something to be ashamed of...

Thanks for posting this question  I've been having the same thoughts.   I guess thats one less thing to worry about when I start dating.

I just figured I'd update. We're still dating, but she still has not seen me naked. I've also been dating a very butch girl, who knows I've had the surgery and loves my body. So, things are complicated. They know about each other, I am in no way being a player, and no one has gotten to a point where an actual relationship has been spoken about. I guess for the first time in my life I am actually dating. I've yet to figure out where I think I fit best, or what type of woman I'm looking for. The butch woman is obese, and I am very attracted to her, but I do worry about her eating patterns and hope I'm strong enough to not let them influence me, as it does seem that a lot of what she does for fun is centered around food. The other girl eats a lot like me anyways. She has to because she dances (hip hop nothing crazy lol) and does some modeling stuff. Anyways, I just don't know it's two very opposite ends of the spectrum.

Sorry to rant.

I so appreciate all of your advice, and I hope that I figure this all out. From what I've told you about these two women, any advice?