Halfway to goal and dating drama
I didn’t have to deal with these problems when I was fat. LOL! Sorry if this is more than folks are interested in (and long), but I don’t really have anywhere else to vent about some things. To start off, I consider myself Bisexual even though I’ve only dated men (and only a very few) and I’m really not out to hardly anyone. I haven’t seen the need to since I’ve never dated a female and I haven’t been in a relationship with ANYONE in years.
I had the DS in November 2009 and I’m about half-way to goal and now I’m starting to get a bit of interest from other people, but I’m not sure if I should pursue the interest or not. I’ve been friends with a married couple for a few months (we both rent rooms at the same house). This weekend we went to dinner for the wife’s b-day and on the way home the husband said that he thought I liked women. I got defensive because I had no idea where he was going with it and wanted to know why he said that. He said they noticed me checking out several attractive women at the restaurant. (Oops. Guess I’m not very subtle.)
What it boiled down to is that his wife is bisexual, but dated mostly women before they got together and it’s causing issues between them since she’s missing being with a woman. He has no problem with her having a relationship with a female, but not with any other guys, and he thinks I’m a really good person for her to be involved with. Several times when I’ve dressed up and gotten made-up to go places she was really attracted to me and wanted to kiss me, but was afraid I’d slap her and be upset.
It also turns out that he’s bi, but has never been with a guy. He’s attracted to men as well as women, but can’t get past kissing another guy because he panics and can’t go any further. Several times now, when we’re all out together, he introduces his wife and I as his two girlfriends. I guess two “beards" are better than one, huh?? In another twist though, the next day when his wife wasn’t there, he told me that he’s very attracted to me also. He told me she’s a crazy girl and will probably end up leaving him, but I’m more the kind of woman he should be with. He doesn’t want me to tell his wife about his interest in me though. I told him that I don’t have those kinds of feelings for him, I’m not attracted to him that way, and I only think of him as a friend.
I know all the sensible advice will be to stay out of this whole mess because it’s likely to be nothing but drama, but I don’t know that I want to be sensible. I’d like to pursue the relationship with the wife and I’m planning for us to go out to a few gay/lesbian clubs. Maybe I can hook him up with a guy and he’ll loose interest in me.
I had the DS in November 2009 and I’m about half-way to goal and now I’m starting to get a bit of interest from other people, but I’m not sure if I should pursue the interest or not. I’ve been friends with a married couple for a few months (we both rent rooms at the same house). This weekend we went to dinner for the wife’s b-day and on the way home the husband said that he thought I liked women. I got defensive because I had no idea where he was going with it and wanted to know why he said that. He said they noticed me checking out several attractive women at the restaurant. (Oops. Guess I’m not very subtle.)
What it boiled down to is that his wife is bisexual, but dated mostly women before they got together and it’s causing issues between them since she’s missing being with a woman. He has no problem with her having a relationship with a female, but not with any other guys, and he thinks I’m a really good person for her to be involved with. Several times when I’ve dressed up and gotten made-up to go places she was really attracted to me and wanted to kiss me, but was afraid I’d slap her and be upset.
It also turns out that he’s bi, but has never been with a guy. He’s attracted to men as well as women, but can’t get past kissing another guy because he panics and can’t go any further. Several times now, when we’re all out together, he introduces his wife and I as his two girlfriends. I guess two “beards" are better than one, huh?? In another twist though, the next day when his wife wasn’t there, he told me that he’s very attracted to me also. He told me she’s a crazy girl and will probably end up leaving him, but I’m more the kind of woman he should be with. He doesn’t want me to tell his wife about his interest in me though. I told him that I don’t have those kinds of feelings for him, I’m not attracted to him that way, and I only think of him as a friend.
I know all the sensible advice will be to stay out of this whole mess because it’s likely to be nothing but drama, but I don’t know that I want to be sensible. I’d like to pursue the relationship with the wife and I’m planning for us to go out to a few gay/lesbian clubs. Maybe I can hook him up with a guy and he’ll loose interest in me.
HW 394 / SW 341/ CW 168/ GW 160
You are worth way more than this hot mess of a couple. You made a decision to save your life and they will only drag it down. You can make tons of new gay friends w/o her- just head down to the bar...we gays are friendly. Or go on Craigslist or Curve mag or Facebook, they're a lot of really cool and normal gay folks who aren't into all those head games!!
I'm with Judex...stay the heck outta that!
I'm with Judex...stay the heck outta that!
:Danni >>>AIDS/LifeCycle 10 & 11 Finisher: 545miles on the bike in 7 days <<<
HW390/SW340/CW 208/GW170
Thanks Thcr, but it's my experience that lesbians are just like guys in that they have absolutely no interest in me and totally ignore me. I've tried a bit of the online dating sites (straight and gay) but not really managed to meet anyone. I've never felt like I could initiate because I feel like I can't really impose my interest on someone else and that if they're interested, they'd let me know.
I go to so many places to try to meet poeple and try to chat and be friendly, but I might as well be invisible. Ladies roller derby, East Indian festival, church, biker rally, the library, straight clubs, gay clubs... nothing!
I know this isn't an ideal situation, but it's kind of hard to just dismiss when they're the first to have any interest in like 10 years. I'm really not sure what will end up happeneing, if anything, but I'll probably just see how things play out.
It sounds more like an issue of self-confidence" I feel like I can't really impose my interest on someone else and that if they're interested, they'd let me know" than an issue of people not being interested. You will have to initiate sometimes if you're interested- because maybe they're thinking the same thing.
You have to realize that you are amazing, (I mean look at all the weight you've lost), and once you realize that- other people will see it too and they'll want to get to know you better.
I wish you the best of luck!!
You have to realize that you are amazing, (I mean look at all the weight you've lost), and once you realize that- other people will see it too and they'll want to get to know you better.
I wish you the best of luck!!
:Danni >>>AIDS/LifeCycle 10 & 11 Finisher: 545miles on the bike in 7 days <<<
HW390/SW340/CW 208/GW170
Thanks Shea,
Losing this first 100+ pounds has been really great, but I know this was the easier half of the loss. It only gets harder from here. Fortunately I’m able to be more active now that I don’t have so much of the physical pain, like the arthritis in my knees. Lots of my health issues have gotten much better and the PCOS seems to have completely been resolved. I’m also doing things that I’ve put off before like going back to college. I’m going in the fall to get an associate’s in Welding technology and I also want to get the one in Art welding. I’m doing administrative and clerical work now and I’ve had my fill of charts and paperwork. I want to DO something. I didn’t want to loose this weight and work to get in shape and then sit on my butt at a computer and doing paperwork for the rest of my life. LOL!
I do feel like I mis-stated something in my post that lead you to the conclusion that I’m trying too hard to meet people. The places/ events I listed were things I did because they interest me or I thought they’d be fun, I don’t go specifically to try to hook up with someone. I do things that interest me or that I think I’ll enjoy and hopefully meet people that have the same interests to strike up friendships. There’s always that little hope in the back of my mind though that one of those friendships might lead to more; that just doesn’t happen for me. I guess I think that if I meet someone at an event or place I enjoy then we’d already have something in common. The way I’ve been approaching it and the way I guess I’ll continue is to do things I like, either alone or with friends, and if I meet someone, that’s great, but if I don’t then I don’t. I can’t help wishing I would meet someone though.
I can’t disagree with you on the wanting to be wanted comment or that the couple I discussed are a mess. I’ll just have to figure things out as I go along and try to not let myself get hurt or end up hurting anyone else.
Losing this first 100+ pounds has been really great, but I know this was the easier half of the loss. It only gets harder from here. Fortunately I’m able to be more active now that I don’t have so much of the physical pain, like the arthritis in my knees. Lots of my health issues have gotten much better and the PCOS seems to have completely been resolved. I’m also doing things that I’ve put off before like going back to college. I’m going in the fall to get an associate’s in Welding technology and I also want to get the one in Art welding. I’m doing administrative and clerical work now and I’ve had my fill of charts and paperwork. I want to DO something. I didn’t want to loose this weight and work to get in shape and then sit on my butt at a computer and doing paperwork for the rest of my life. LOL!
I do feel like I mis-stated something in my post that lead you to the conclusion that I’m trying too hard to meet people. The places/ events I listed were things I did because they interest me or I thought they’d be fun, I don’t go specifically to try to hook up with someone. I do things that interest me or that I think I’ll enjoy and hopefully meet people that have the same interests to strike up friendships. There’s always that little hope in the back of my mind though that one of those friendships might lead to more; that just doesn’t happen for me. I guess I think that if I meet someone at an event or place I enjoy then we’d already have something in common. The way I’ve been approaching it and the way I guess I’ll continue is to do things I like, either alone or with friends, and if I meet someone, that’s great, but if I don’t then I don’t. I can’t help wishing I would meet someone though.
I can’t disagree with you on the wanting to be wanted comment or that the couple I discussed are a mess. I’ll just have to figure things out as I go along and try to not let myself get hurt or end up hurting anyone else.
HW 394 / SW 341/ CW 168/ GW 160
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