happen to anyone else?
Hi everyone :-)
Let me just start by saying, have the WLS was by far the best decision I have ever made. That being said, it has not been an easy road, aside from the new diet and exercise routine. I have so much more energy I feel like I never calm down. I have entered a triathalon and bike tour in June and July and a bike tour and 5k in August. Its amazing how great I feel. Yet emotionally my "new life" has not been easy for other people, people I care about. My partner of 2 years, has had an extremly hard time with my new body and we were doing the long distance thing and I was planning on moving to her, but we have since broken up. I guess she blames me and my surgery...see we were both very overweight and she got a gym membership after I had the surgery and I would call her every morning on my way to the gym and she would get up and go or so she told me. Turns out she has no intention of going to the gym or living healthy, she is not happy being over-weight but she also doesn't want to do anything abou it, so she ended things with me. I am just wondering if anyone else had problems in their relationship after they had WLS? Thanks for any feedback :-)
~Erin
Start weight---292 current weight 202....down 90 lbs...surgery was 11/09/2009
Let me just start by saying, have the WLS was by far the best decision I have ever made. That being said, it has not been an easy road, aside from the new diet and exercise routine. I have so much more energy I feel like I never calm down. I have entered a triathalon and bike tour in June and July and a bike tour and 5k in August. Its amazing how great I feel. Yet emotionally my "new life" has not been easy for other people, people I care about. My partner of 2 years, has had an extremly hard time with my new body and we were doing the long distance thing and I was planning on moving to her, but we have since broken up. I guess she blames me and my surgery...see we were both very overweight and she got a gym membership after I had the surgery and I would call her every morning on my way to the gym and she would get up and go or so she told me. Turns out she has no intention of going to the gym or living healthy, she is not happy being over-weight but she also doesn't want to do anything abou it, so she ended things with me. I am just wondering if anyone else had problems in their relationship after they had WLS? Thanks for any feedback :-)
~Erin
Start weight---292 current weight 202....down 90 lbs...surgery was 11/09/2009
Erin, I am single now so my WLS has not caused issues in any relationship, my friends are all extremely supportive, but a few years ago I was working to be healthier while in a relationship with a partner who also had weight issues, and she told me that my efforts at self-care were abusive to her! There is often a dynamic with two overweight partners where one will feel threatened if the other changes the equation.
Looking back, I now know and understand that if taking care of myself and my health creates issues for my partner, it's not the kind of relationship I want to be in. I would never begrudge my partner the things she needs to be on her own true path to self-care and health. And my partner cannot do that to me.
Life as an obese person is lonely in many ways. And we each take a very personal, and sometimes lonely, path... and for some that path never leads us out of the darkness. It sounds like you are well on the way on your journey toward health and an active life. You must trust that that same path will also bring you joy.
Congratulations on your accomplishments!
Looking back, I now know and understand that if taking care of myself and my health creates issues for my partner, it's not the kind of relationship I want to be in. I would never begrudge my partner the things she needs to be on her own true path to self-care and health. And my partner cannot do that to me.
Life as an obese person is lonely in many ways. And we each take a very personal, and sometimes lonely, path... and for some that path never leads us out of the darkness. It sounds like you are well on the way on your journey toward health and an active life. You must trust that that same path will also bring you joy.
Congratulations on your accomplishments!
I had the same problem. I was 285 at my heaviest and my partner was 265. I lost a lot of weight and weigh 150 now. It was very hard admitting a few things - I was losing physical chemistry and I was fed up with her not wanting to change. She didn't like being over weight but I also thought she didn't want to change either. A year and a half after I had surgery she did too!!! Finally, she has caught up to me and we are enjoying life.
Erin
My wife and I have been together for a few years now. In that time, I have gained approx 75lbs due to severe back issues and problems with mobility. While I wasn't the skinny-minnie when i met her, adding weight onto my already heavy frame has taken it's toll on me emotionally. She'd complain that she'd put on 15lbs and I would just roll my eyes because she only weighs 140lbs lol. I want a life back and to be able to do things with her that I could only do 10yrs ago before my debilitating back issues.
My point of rambling is, I know she loves me, no matter what. Whether I am skinny or not and in that, she accepts who I am. You have a new life ahead of you, with so many possibilities. It is hard to lose part of what we have become comfortable with but honestly Erin, do you really want someone that is not going to be supportive of that life? Someone that will constantly be finding your WLS success a point of contention and misery? Sounds like perhaps she is either jealous and/or insecure with who you are physically becoming. Or it kind of puts a light on remorse for where she is in her life. Why bother lying about getting healthier to someone when really the only person you are hurting, is yourself?
As hard as it is to let go, it sounds like you are better off moving on. Be proud of what you've done, where you've been and who you are yet to become. Find people that are supportive of you and look for the open window in your life.
I don't even know you, but I can say I'm proud of you....
My wife and I have been together for a few years now. In that time, I have gained approx 75lbs due to severe back issues and problems with mobility. While I wasn't the skinny-minnie when i met her, adding weight onto my already heavy frame has taken it's toll on me emotionally. She'd complain that she'd put on 15lbs and I would just roll my eyes because she only weighs 140lbs lol. I want a life back and to be able to do things with her that I could only do 10yrs ago before my debilitating back issues.
My point of rambling is, I know she loves me, no matter what. Whether I am skinny or not and in that, she accepts who I am. You have a new life ahead of you, with so many possibilities. It is hard to lose part of what we have become comfortable with but honestly Erin, do you really want someone that is not going to be supportive of that life? Someone that will constantly be finding your WLS success a point of contention and misery? Sounds like perhaps she is either jealous and/or insecure with who you are physically becoming. Or it kind of puts a light on remorse for where she is in her life. Why bother lying about getting healthier to someone when really the only person you are hurting, is yourself?
As hard as it is to let go, it sounds like you are better off moving on. Be proud of what you've done, where you've been and who you are yet to become. Find people that are supportive of you and look for the open window in your life.
I don't even know you, but I can say I'm proud of you....
I've heard the same thing from many people. WLS makes strong relationships stronger, and the ones with problems fall apart. Sometimes the other person really can't handle it.
You've done the right thing for you, and I'm sure the right one will come along. You should be very proud of yourself! Hang in there. *hugs*
You've done the right thing for you, and I'm sure the right one will come along. You should be very proud of yourself! Hang in there. *hugs*
My ex and I broke up right before my surgery (great timing, eh?) Anyway, I have heard of what your talking about happening lots...people have eating or a lifestyle in common and then one changes...and there is discord in the relationship.
It has been difficult for me but I have worked hard to maintain some of my overweight friends, I know at times they look at me and it brings up their own weight issues. I try to find the areas we still connect on. But for a gf or partner, you really need some one who can support you and encourage your new active lifestyle and not be defensive about their own issues. I found someone who is crazy about me and active in their own life, and I am sure you will be able to also! There are people out there who are willing to be supportive, be healthy....when the time is right, you will find her!
deb366
It has been difficult for me but I have worked hard to maintain some of my overweight friends, I know at times they look at me and it brings up their own weight issues. I try to find the areas we still connect on. But for a gf or partner, you really need some one who can support you and encourage your new active lifestyle and not be defensive about their own issues. I found someone who is crazy about me and active in their own life, and I am sure you will be able to also! There are people out there who are willing to be supportive, be healthy....when the time is right, you will find her!
deb366
Currently 125 pounds Thank you everyone for your responses. I tried talking to my now ex about our relationship and everything that happened and bottom line is the ending is my fault because of my surgery. I know thats not the truth and deep down she does too. For both of us to be healthy we can't be together and we both realize that. From what I have been reading this is more common than I thought....again I just wanted to thank everyone for their responses 
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