Really effin hard couple of days..

AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

I'm having a reeeeeeeeeeeeally hard couple of days.  Most of you do not know, but I've been on a leave of absence from work since 11/18/09.  My dr took me off wk for extreme depression & anxiety brought on by a tremendously ****** up work environment.  I won't go into the details but i had to endure 9 mos of living hell at work and was at a significant risk of getting fired.  I was the division scape goat when I did nothing wrong.  It was horrible & sent me into a big depression.

So I've been off work now for over 3 mos, on anti-depressants and intensive therapy ever since.  I was scheduled to return to work this coming monday (3/1.)  So I've been having horrific nightmares about work and have been feeling more depressed and anxious lately.  So I met with my dr again this morning to have him extend my leave of absence cuz there is no way that I can deal with going back to that hell hole.

My doctor increased my dosage of the anti depressants and gave me a tranquilizer to sleep thru the nite w/out the nightmares.  He also extended my leave for 3 more weeks.  I was hoping for another 3 months!  I'm actively looking for a new job right now, but I work in mid-level mgmt and jobs w/that salary level can take several months to find.  So i'm pretty freaked out that i will possibly have to return to that hell hole in 3 wks and put myself back into that traumatic situation.

Anyway, so I left the dr's office and had to go to the grocery store.  I walked into that store and absolutely wanted to eat a box of donuts and a couple bagels.  Food will help me feel better, right?  UGH!!!  I was staring at the Entenmann's donuts for about 10 mins when I finally left that aisle.  I didn't buy any unhealthy food at all.  I'm proud of myself for that.  But I'm still freaked out about work.

Sorry this was a long post... but I just needed to get it out there to my bari friends who will totally understand exactly what I'm feeling.

Sending you loving healing vibes......hang in there Maryn, things wil work out! hugs!!!!

Wow hun lots to deal with. i will keep you in my prayers that things get better for you and you find that new job!!!  Hugs!

 Sorry, hun.  I am also sending you good luck, healing vibes.  It sounds like you are really in a tough position.  I know there are times I miss stuffing myself til I feel as ill as I can be.

~D

Wow!  You really are going through a LOT right now!!!
I am so sorry!!!!
I am so very proud of you though for walking away from the Entenmann's donuts!   I am sure it was very had.... so please give yourself a big pat on the back. 
Sending good vibes your way....

-Melinda

That's great that you were able to walk away from the donuts!! Big pat on the back for that. Sounds like you are under a lot of stress. I too am sending you good vibes, I hope things get better for you!!

MARYN! Don't eat the donuts! They will just make you feel worse or sick. I had some issues at work after my WLS.....long long story...but things have gotten lots better. I could hardly handle the antidepressant side effects though, so got off those as soon as I could. At this point I would say take your focus off of work and on to things that make you feel good....do you like nature, baths, reading, a hobby? Do things that make you feel refreshed and rejuvinated....self care. And be as proactive as you can about getting another job....but see if you can move past this...you have some great things going on in your life...losing weight, just had a great vacation....focus on the positive and not the other stuff (yeah, I know. Easier said than done).

deb366

Thanks everyone for your support.  Please note that I did not eat anything that I "shouldn't" have.  I'm doing better now.  Thanks!
~M

Maryn,
Great job walking away from the donuts....... going back to old job does not look like the best option. But I am sure you will work on what is best.
Stay positive.
Altheia

You did all the right things.

I know what it's like to stress eat due to a horrid work situation. My last boss was a disgusting, imperious, sexist pig who delighted in torturing me.

I hope that the extension of your leave brings you all good things. I was out on leave for my DS revision when I found out I'd gotten another job. I hope that the same thing happens for you and you find something better. Hang in there!