OT Is it OK for straight person to ask question about transgender?

My 56 year old brother just told us he is getting sexually reassigned next month.  I really need someone to answer a few queations.  I am a very open minded person who is a bit confused.  Can any one help?  Loris

What would you like to know???

He has not been living opening as a women so this is a big surprise.  I am very concerned about whether he can make an informed decision about gender reassignment surgery when his bipolar disorder has been untreated for many years.  He believes he has "outgrown" the biploar disorder, but displays many symptoms of it.  He is highly functioning.  He is also married, intends to stay married, and have no sex life afterwards.  He is attracted to woman.

FYI, MY mother and another of my 4 brothers died in the past ten months.

Thank you.  Loris

Personally, I believe that bipolar disorder is highly over diagnosed.  It is the disease du jour.  So, I may not be the best person to address that issue.

I am wondering if the recent deaths have influenced his decision, in that he may want to live what he feels is his true life, because he understands the finite amount of time we all are given.  Just a thought.

I do believe that part of the process is to live openly as the other gender for a time, prior to surgery.  That part does concern me and should be addressed by a trained professional.

How does his wife feel about this???  I know of another couple where the man had gender reassignment surgery, remained married to his wife for a period of time, but ultimately, they ended up divorcing because the wife couldn't handle the change.

I know you are confused and I sorry for that.  I do know that we have a few transgendered who post here.  I hope they will see your thread and reply.

Good luck to your family.

He started his hormone therapy before my mother's death.  We just didn't know.  As for his wife, she knew he was transgender when she married him.  I don't know if she was aware of his transexuality.  She is all for this.  She thinks it's great.  She has lost interest in sex and they plan to have a platonic marraige.  She told him if he steps out she will leave him.  So he plans to have no sex life?  What sense does this all make?

He was diagnosed bipolar many years ago and several times.  It runs in our family.   He was, however, the first in the family diagnosed.

Thank you.  You knowledge and thoughts are appreciated.  Loris

I thik it's pretty cool thats he found himself a soul mate...regardless of sex or body....thats  a wonderful thing for her!  It's probably made everythng so much easier!

well, there was a time that my roommate and best friend went through that male to female and during the year she had to live as a woman before the surgery I went to support group meetings with her and met tons and tons of transgender people.  I am also very open minded and sort of enjoyed learning more about all of these people and their lives but I had a really hard time losing my friend... I mean she was my friend but he had been .. well nevermind its hard to explain I guess. It jsut seems like they were 2 different people.

At the meetings there were SOOO many men who lives as women who were married to women.  I got to hear all the stories about how the wives found out and how their lives have been.  I know personally if it were ME I would be loving and supportive but I couldnt stay in the marriage...its purely personal I guess.

I would guess if he's "outgrown" the bipolar he probably wasnt bipolar to begin with. He was probably just very up and down and depressed because well, I guess we should be saying SHE now... she was born with the wrong sex parts....it happens.  It sounds like she knows EXACTLY what she wants and is probably very very happy about this.  Im sure its hard because to you it has probably been like losing a brother but you are gaining a sister in a way since you have memories that go way back. I know it seems so confusing.   Please just try to take heart and give her love and support because it's not an easy journey at all. It wont be magically easier after this operation either. Try hard to think of her as your 56 year old sister at this point and because it is so hard to make the change mentally for friends and family consider maybe reading some of the AMAZING books out there!  I wouldnt go for the medical ones but more the stories from transgender people and their families and loved ones....it will help to feel that connection to others who have been through this journey.  YES its a journey for you as well!

(((hug)))   I wish you the best... I hope everything goes smoothly for her as well.

Thank you for your honesty and insight.  I am sure I will read your post more than a few times.

He still exibits all the symptoms of bipolar disorder that he always has.  He interacts with people very differetly and much better when he is medicated for it.  My concern is that his mental health life is not well ordered enough for him to be honest with his health care professionals about the bipolar or the fact he hasn't immersed himself in his new gender.

It is hard to think of him as a sister, because a sister is someone you grow up with doing sisterly things.  By his choice he have had a rocky time of it for years, so I will take it slow.  We were never good enough to suit him.  Maybe this new found freedom will give him peace of mind and he will be able to quit judging the family's lifestyle.  Then we can all live and let live.

We were never good enough to suit him.  Maybe this new found freedom will give him peace of mind and he will be able to quit judging the family's lifestyle.  Then we can all live and let live.

My guess is that he may be projecting internalized transphobia to your family. Maybe he felt that his secret made him different, and not good enough, or judged by others.

If he has known for a long time, long enough for his wife to know before they were married, even though you didn't say how long that was, then it is probably not a rash decision he is making.

There are protocols that are highly recommended through the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) that most reputable SRS surgeons abide by before performing the surgery. Of course, many people travel to other countries to have the surgery done because it's less expensive and the rules aren't as strict.

I second the recommendation for you to find a local PFLAG chapter. I cannot say enough about how great it is.

well, you guys all have much bigger issues than anyone on a message board can really take up here.  I think to make it better you 2 will have to bond, get to know each other,, spend time together....or just accept that you choose to go your own ways.  EVERYONE has family drama from what I can tell..I promise the drama in mine is just as bad.  I wish you the best though.  I am positive that for anyone transitioning to teh opposaite sex that their family will be the ones with the toughest time dealing with it.  There is so much involved.

As far as her mental health.... they do not give people this operation easily....she has had to be pretty darn convincing for a long time to 1 or more psychiatrists in order to get to this point.  I guess you have no choice but to have faith that those people know what they are doing.  :)