Today I freaked the f out.....

Growing up people always use tell my brother and I we looked so much alike. Pictures were compared. The whole family was in on it. I didn't mind so much back then.

When we were finally adult age we REALLY looked alike. But now ...(without getting into detail about my family life) ...my brother and I have NO relationship - NONE. When I started gaining weight he was too. Even though I hadn't seen him in years I would see pics at my Mom's house or online. Ugh. After surgery and I got skinnier he got even more heavy. Not sure how big he is now but he's big. His current facebook picture creeps me the F out. (no we aren't "friends" on facebook, our Aunt is a mutual friend so I see it from time to time) I have a picture of me when I was at that size and our face is like WOAH!!

Anywho, I had the g/f take pics of me today and I fricken had a melt down. I could see him in ALL of the photos. I hate him so much and I don't want to be him. If I wasn't totally hating my new body already ..I hate it even more that I can see facial features better.

How sad is it for someone to lose weight and hate it because they resemble someone they hate?? WTF. Only me.

So after my meltdown ..I took my own pictures. If you are on FB you have seen them. But ugh.....

wow girl that must be SOME damn story!  You have to accept yourself for you... you are beautiful and you might resemble your brother but that makes sense,  you have the same parents.  At some point in your life you didnt hate him and when you see HIM in your face you need to fins a way to see the part of him you loved before he changed or whatever happened because at one time you did love him.

No melt downs... do not hate yourself! as a matter of fact dont hate your brother....pity him, keep him out of your life but hate is a LOT of wasted energy that will shorten your life and cause you undue stress.

I hope that you are calmed down a bit from this event (((hug)))  tomorrows a new day..love yourself girl!

I saw your 'coat' pictures and thought they looked great. I think that weight loss plays games on our heads. And maybe this is a game for you....something you will need to work out and come to acceptance on...if I were you I would figure out what it is that is bugging you about the similarities...and talk to someone supportive about it...

(hugs) sorry you are hating what you are seeing....you look good from this side of the screen...

deb366

UGH! All I can say is try to think about looking like one of your parents. I don't really look like any of my sibs (they are all halfs so it makes sense) so I don't know what to tell you.

The weight of family really stays with us deosn't it. It doesn't matter how we "change" ourselves etc... it isn't untl we make peace with the past that we stop being haunted. I'm sorry you are hurting right now. This time of year can really bring that stuff back in a big way. I don't know you at al Brooke but it is always a pleasure to read your posts so I get a great feeling about your heart and being. I hope you can find away to have the peace you deserve despite and maybe even because of the life you came from. Happy Holidays!

Brooke,

I totally understand where you are coming from.  I too have no relationship with my sister as an adult.  We were very close growing up though.  She came out as les when i was about 18.  I didn't come out until my mid 20's because when i started to realize that i was attracted to women I was so conflicted with that because I didn't want to be anything like my sister because our relationship had gotten soooooooo ugly.  So coming out was really hard for me emotionally. 

Our sexuality and our physical bodies are both extremely major aspects of who we identify ourselves to be.  And family has such a MAJOR impact in our lives.  I so understand your struggle with your brother right now.

All I can say is keep breathing and living the life that you know you truly want - a healthy life.  Your health has nothing to do with your brother.  This is about you.


~Maryn

Our friends are hwo the universe makes up for our family, lol. I feel for you, it's not good to be compared, but here you are comparing yourself to him. Be proud of who you are and the beautiful woman you've revealed, and put him out of your mind. He's not you - you are two separate people.  I'm sure when your gf looks at you, she sees the you that she loves. Hang in there.