The importance of selfacceptance

nevermind ...

Hey, what happened to your post? I do agree that self acceptance is very important....whether because we are queer or because of weight or other issues.

I think this weight loss journey has made me more aware of how other's perceptions of us impact how we feel about ourselves. Anyway...came back here and your post was gone and I thought you had shared some important parts of your life journey....sorry if you didn't feel you got the support or feed back you needed.

deb366

Thanks Deb! I just feel , insecure and my emotions are all over the place these days - and suddenly I felt too exposed and vulnerable  - by being so open about my life and past. And fear about some one using it against me got the best of me and I deleted my post. I did however learn from it - writing my thoughts down sometimes bring more clearance to the poster him or her-self. I think many go through a lot of soul searching and take inventory the last days before surgery.

I totally agree that by writing stuff down we learn about ourselves....it is the same thing with counseling...you go and talk and some how the answers within come out...(if you have a good counselor). Also understand about feeling nekked and exposed...so you are okay....soul searching is a good thing. If you have anything you want to discuss about surgery you can pm me too...I am way far away in the US ...I am very happy with my WLS, but not to say it was without bumps in the road....

deb366

I am sorry I missed your post. I hope you dont mind that I read and respond on this forum. 

I did want to tell you that I do understand 100% what it's like to need feedback or feel like you rely too much on others. I've been going through a self discovery thing lately myself.  The friend I told you about of mine.. the danish man... well he has been MIA for a month now.(supposedly he is hospitalized but who knows).  He was the person that kept me motivated and kept me doing the right things. I didnt even realize how much I relied on his encouragement until yesterday when I saw how many of my old bad habits I have picked up in the past month, how my eating is slipping etc.

I think it's hard sometimes to be alone and realize that we HAVE to do this for ourselves without heavily depending on another person to pay us on the back. :(  I am not a fan of being alone but I do understand now how all of the things I do for my health and my life right now have to come from ME and I have to find that inner strength.  You are doing so great.  I read your blog and I am very proud of you.  I will be thinking about you as you have your surgery...being scared is ok but you are going to be ok!  :) Better than ok.  (((hug)))

That is Ok Jess. Most people at least try to understand that GLBT people aree not that different - even thoug some problems may be unigue.

Sometimes we need feeback - other times just writing a ramble post can help bring clearance - whether we get any feeback or not. Most of the time we know the answers ourselves and just need a little affirmation. But it really is up to ourselves to come to terms with certain realitzations and act on these realizations.

Would that Danish man happen to Dennis? One Dennis I know from Youtube seem to be having a revison from lap band to RNY Dec. 15.

Yes - essentially we are all alone and have to do most on our own. And stick to longterm goals - like when you are foced to be on your 6 month supervised diet. That is hard - and all of us need to encouragment - adn feel low at some point. It is nice to get encouragement and advice from other kind and loving OH members - but it sometimes does takes patience to get feedback. I am doing OK adn better today - I feel more excited than scared now. I jsut want this surgery over and done with - so I can face the next challenges ... Hugs from me too Jess!

Jess,

I think it really is a balance...there is a level where you determine on your own your course of action and then follow it, but I do feel I have had support from folks on OH and from friends. It wasn't always easy to ask for help, or to hear from certain friends...and I did go to counseling for awhile and I go to support group too. I have been lucky to know 3 people who have been through WLS in real life....(not just on line). It sometimes is hard for me to ask for help, but I have gotten better over the last couple of years (and having been to the bottom of the bucket physically and emotionally at times).

But you are right that when I decided to do WLS I did lots of research and reading and I dealt with the problems as they came up (being denied by insurance originally)....

But if you know what you want and what you need, go for it! Get back on track for YOU. Take care of yourself and your health for YOU. YOu deserve it!! YOU need it!

.....and there is support and guidance here if you need or want it....

deb366

Hey Niller!  I am really sorry that your post somehow slipped by me! I hate posting even stupid things and then not getting any feedback, so I can't imagine how disheartening it must have been to bare your soul and then .... nada..... 

I'm finding that I'm getting a little more introspective as our surgery dates approach too.  For me, it's not a "fear of surgery/death" thing, but --- not fear---maybe anticipation? anxiety? about the whole new life this represents and what it might and hopefully will mean to me. I've been so immobile and isolated and in a funk for the last year or so, that I'm excited about the return of my freedom and independence, not to mention good health. Then there's the whole body image thing - will I like myself as a skinny person?  Will the "voluptuous" women I've always been attracted to like me as a skinny person? Will I still like "voluptuous" women, or will I start looking for a more similar-sized partner?  Or will I not lose as much as I hope and end up the same except more discouraged (odds are against that outcome with a DS, but still....).  It's a whole new ballgame! 

On top of that, I'll be 50 in three months! Holy ****!!!

Anyway, if you want to PM me, since we're almost Surgery Sibs, please do!  I promise I'll watch OH closer and PM back! 

Take care my friend!

ETA - I love your new crayola rainbow avi!!! 

I feel so ready for surgery friday!! I am really not anxious or nervous anymore. The alternative - becoming super morbidly obese instead of just morbidly obese - does not seem that attractive. I guess I retracted my post since it was very personal and heartfelt and I all of a sudden felt very vulnerable.

And you are right - I have been going through the "take inventore stage" - cleaning out the closets and kitchen shelves and replacing it with what I need the first 8 weeks post-op and get all new kitchen appliances, was only part of it.

I also look back - but mostly forward - I hope life will become easier loosing even 70 percent of my excess weight. I know that I can not drop some of my bagage though - but I will keep trying! Becoming this obese is so not me! I can not recognize myself in a mirror and hate having my pictures taken ...

I feel a little unsure about loosing weight and how it will affect me? Last time I lost 80 pounds - I felt weird and my body did not "understand the new feelings" ... I still felt fat even though I was below 200 pounds ...

As for choice of partners - See with your heart Laura! It is the person that matters - not their size or age. (I have always like women with curves as opposed to skinny chicks ... even if both of us do not obtain our ideal weight according to the charts insurance companies use - it does not matter that much. As long as I am happy and healthier ... that is all that matter to me. I do feel much more outgoing and even my social phobia has decreased ... so I do know It will get better.

I wrote you pms - I hope your recovery goes well - now that I know you are out of surgery. I look forward to hearing how it went! Take Care Laura!!

I love your av as well!  :)  I told my Danish man...Brian, not Dennis.. LOL  about you he says "niller" is not a Danish name. LOL  I told him I was pretty sure it wasnt your actually name.

Anyway, Did you have your surgery???  I have been thinking about you!  :)

I actually spend a lot of time on this forum....  my biological father is gay as are a large majority of my relatives on that side of the family.  I've always been surrounded by GLBT people and issues and have spent TONS of time in support groups with friends as well... plus y'all have the very best bars! ha ha ha  I dont really say "y'all" uhm... yea, nevermind. LOL

ANyway thank you everyone who posted above. :D