New Kid on the Block

I was just approved for surgery (Dec. 22 is the date) and my Dr. suggested I check out this site.

I'm just curious how people felt this impacted their relationships, did it make it better/worse/no change? 

My partner is happy this will make me healthier but nervous I'm going to lose weight and leave her (she's not big).

Did anyone have any problems at the hospital with partner visitation? Did you set up power of attorney and living wills even though it is a fairly safe procedure. 

_Nicole

 Hey, welcome and congrats!!

I just had my surgery on 11/9.  

Where are you from?  I live in MA.  I didn't have any problems with my wife visiting me, but to tell you the truth, even in MA I always keep our legal documents close when one of us is in the hospital, just in case.

I am sure you will be fine. :)  What surgery are you doing?

D

Congrats on your surgery, I hope you are feeling well already.

I live in Philadelphia, the hospital told me it would be fine and that they noted her as my emergency contact and everything.  But I think I better get some documents in order, just in case. 

I am doing the laparoscopic  Roux en Y.

Thanks,
Nicole

 

Welcome to the group, from one newbie to another! :)   It’s great that your partner is supportive of your surgery.    There is data that indicates a high incidence of WLS couples breaking up. This can be for many reasons; the WLS partner wants to sow wild oats, doesn’t feel appreciated/understood by their partner, etc., the non-WLS partner may feel threatened or left out, and likewise may feel like they’re not appreciated/understood, etc. However, there are plenty of couples who do survive well.   WLS is a major life-changing event for person having the surgery as well as their loved ones. The thing to focus on is what the two of you want from; life, each other, and your relationship.  If you can discuss, and respect/agree on those things then you should be alright. Remember both of your concerns are valid and both of you will need to be supportive of each other.    Some couples find benefit in going to couples counseling to prevent problematic issues as well as repair issues. If you choose to go this route make sure that the two of you look for a good therapist together (very important if considering therapy).    Healthcare facilities aren’t as bad as they used to be and most will have no problem with your partner being there for you. If you want to make sure she can be there, discuss it with your doctor to make sure he/she knows you want your partner there.   As for the living will/advanced directive/power of attorney issue, it is always a good idea to have something like this in writing, regardless of how safe a surgical procedure may be…better to be prepared just in case something would happen.   I wish you and your partner great success as you travel down the WLS path.   That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Welcome to the group, from one newbie to another!  :)

It's good that your partner is supportive of you

Yeah my partner is great, we've talked about it a thousands times, so I was surprized she seemed concerned I would want to leave her afterwards.  She's smaller and fairly athletic, so I've been concerned my weight has held her back in the things she wants to do and places she wants to go. 
I think the surgery will bring us closer, because I'll be happier, healthier, and more able to do the activities she likes (amusement parks, tennis, and other physical acitivities).

I hope by including her in every step of the decision process and the recovery, she feels that we are still a team even if I am undergoing a major personal change.

You're right I know I should get it in writing.  I will add that to the growing list of things I need to get done before the surgery.

~Nicole

Welcome Nicky!!!  

I haven't had my WLS yet, and am single right now, so no advice from me there! But I just wanted to say I'm so glad you were referred to OH. It's such a supportive, knowledgeable community, and I've made some really wonderful friends - both online, and meeting them IRL! 

What surgery are you having?  Make sure that you've researched all four of the major WLS's before you decide: the band, RNY, VSG, and DS (and it's NEVER too late to change your mind - surgeries can be cancelled and rescheduled if you're not 100% sure).  I'm having the Duodenal Switch (DS), which a lot of newbies have never heard of. It has the best stats for the most excess initial weight loss, and the best maintenance weight loss long term (10-15 years out).  Also allows for the most normal eating post-op - high protein and high fat (which doesn't suck!). You can read about it (if you haven't) at www.dsfacts.com and www.duodenalswitch.com and visit the DS forum here on OH.

Welcome again to OH, and hope to see you posting here often!  Take care! 

Really great advice offered in the earlier post by Raspberryluv. Change in any couple is deeply threatening if you let it go unaddressed. It's great that you are checking in here and that she has already told you what she is scared of.

I had my lap band surgery done on 10/28. I had my advanced directives/health care proxy paper work done and brought it with me. My ex wife was /is my proxy and spent the day there while I was in pre op and post op. I also brought my will and my two dearest friends were named in it and they also spent the day at the hospital. I have two little boys and had avoided doing those things until the surgery but I really understood how important it was to have everything very clearly laid out so no one had to deal with hard decisions themselves.

WELCOME NICKY!!!!  I had absolutely NO problems with my honey coming to see me.  In fact, she was with me until they rolled me away to surgery.  As for the other stuff, I'm fresh out (Sept.24th)  so I cant tell ya a lot except, you will go through things and so will she.  You just have to hold on to each other tighter.  My girlfriend has let me know more then once she was worried.  I know she didnt want me to get this surgery.  But, we are ok so far.  I think you will be too :)  At the Barix in Langhorne (where I had my surgery)  They already had a basic living will document to fill out.  It was simple and quick.  They send it home with you so you have some time to look over it.  Anyway, hope I helped a little bit.  I can for sure tell you this....You will be soooo happy you made this decision.  GOOD LUCK and best of wishes from your GLBT/ WLS family :)

How did you like the Barix clinic,?  I live in Philadelphia but am from Bucks County and that is one center I looked at.   My partner was against it when I first mentioned it about a year ago, but she went and read lots of medical literature (she is a hardcore science nerd in Dental school- so she needed evidence) and came back and said she thought I should go for it.  She's still nervous about the actual operation. 

Thanks,
Nicole

Hello and welcome my "" friend "" was beside me the night before surgary until i was on the operating table then when i came home 2 weeks straight so everyone is different and it helps to have support trust me.